Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2014: SUMMER ~ TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION (1994)

SFSOFFICIAL

BY: MOST UNCLEAN

TCMTNG1

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHIT? You might remember that last week I did some pieces on a few of the TCM movies – I didn’t really love any of them but I thought they were OK enough. I never got a hold of the “TCM 2” sequel but I don’t really care that much about it. But I did watch this and this thing is absolutely FUCKING WRETCHED. I mean it’s “The Germans are bombing us!!!” wretched. I suppose I should qualify that last bit. I vividly remember a sequence in time when I was in the fourth grade. This is when people start getting their hormones and liking boys and girls. I remember I had the puppy love for this chick in my class and we were all sitting there eating lunch one day and I cut an SBD fart and it stunk up the whole room and someone screamed “The Germans are bombing us!!!” So the teacher demanded that the culprit confess or we’d lose our after lunch playground privilege so I did and everyone laughed at me and I got sent to the Principal’s office and got detention. It was a traumatizing experience that still haunts me. Needless – I didn’t get my first kiss with her….TCMTNG2

Oh well, her loss I’m sure!!!

#shestheluckyone

#mostunclean

Anyway, speaking of chicks – remember last week when I asked if Leatherface was supposed to be a Man/Woman? Well one of the Most Beloveds came around and explained that this is loosely based on a real life figure who wanted to make himself into a woman so he wore women’s faces. Well – in this mother fucker I guess he finally got what he wanted because he’s Full On Woman complete with make-up, high pitched histrionics  and screaming and – Jesus Christ this was awful. Did ANYONE think this was a good movie??? It was FUCKING MISERABLE!! Did anyone sit back after this was over and think “GOD DAMN, SON!!! WE DID IT!!!! Now, let’s go get high on cocaine and grass and fuck some people in their buttholes!!”

#pappy

#churninthatbutter

TCMTNG3

In the one potentially good part, our group of idiots stumble into some sort of fucking trailer where a woman and her shoulder padded jacket are working at midnight on, say, a Saturday night. Well, some commotion with some teenage boys happens outside and she decides to flash them her tits. I’ve never seen a worse body double boob attempt in my life. It would be like me doing this:

“Look out ladies! Look out world!!! Here come my titties!!”

chest

And cut to this:

chest2

And I don’t even want to fucking talk about this:TCMTNG4

or this:

TCMTNG5

In fact I don’t even want to talk about this mother fucker any more. Mercifully this god dammed DVD had a scratch on it so it stopped working at about 2/3 through it so I didn’t have to finish it. THANK FUCKING GOD. I had big plans to make a small movie about this thing, but then I realized it might be hard to do in an office building full of people especially with the ending I had planned. But – since this is Shitfest…. here’s the closing shot before we cut to the credits (you can click that to make it bigger – IF YOU DARE!!!!!):TCMTNG6

44 comments

  4. garylee828

    Yeah, I think this one was ultra low-budget and poorly executed across the board. The third installment of the franchise before this one was “Leatherface” and was much better; it wasn’t great, but at least it wasn’t SF material.

    I can’t believe the company you work for is so strict they won’t let you record yourself taking loud, giant shits in the men’s room! Don’t they know this is the social media age and we document by phone every detail of our lives? Why should the bathroom be excluded?

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    Reply
  5. Tom

    That Netflix turd brings up wonderful memories of Caddyshack.

    “It’s no big deal!!!” lol

    This movie sounds positively wretched. Then again, I’ve always thought the entire TCM series was kinda stupid. Never got my attention. Am I an outcast on that opinion? Sure. Sure I am. But at least I’m not a Leatherface tranny

    Like

    Reply
    • theipc

      Where did you grow up???? INSIDE a church?? Or were you in fourth grade when you were six?? Around here, boys and girls start liking each other early…

      #propagate

      Like

      Reply

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