Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2014: SUMMER ~ BATTLEFIELD EARTH (2000)

SFSOFFICIAL

BY: TIM THE FILM GUY

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Now here is a contender for worst big budget film ever made. And I am sure its been featured on here before but here is my spin on it! Been at least 5 years since I last saw this film, have almost completely forgotten about it and so its practically a fresh viewing for me. Couldn’t remember how it played out or how it ended so lets see how adult Tim reviews Battlefield Earth.

For the sake of this Shitfest I have watched the film again for a fresh in taking. I remember some aspects and a few Scientology jokes but lets see what we get. So expect swearing and lots of profanities but I may even end up liking it!

Shit Anaysis starting now.

Well that didn’t take long at all. The acting is atrocious! They are trying to force these fake over acted emotions down our throats and its making me angry! He comes back to apparently save his father from dying with some “Medicine” but oh no his already died and so he throws the medicine away in anger. Yeah that’s right fuck other ill people you complete selfish ass!

Having near Star Wars length intro to the world is very rarely a good thing. Also why are all the humans stupid, I get lack of technology and stuff but they are acting like the aliens lobotomised them. The direction of this film is just awful! The lighting, the cinematography, the acting, the sound balancing. Who recorded this films sound? The talking is quiet and the effects are so damn loud. I thought it was my copy but I’ve tried a couple.

Well here we are, we have aliens people. Why are the weapon effects so bad? This came out in 2000, we have seen a variety of alien weaponry that look a billion times better than these. No wait now am in a comedy. This is a comedy. Have you seen these aliens? John Travolta is literally on stilts! This is pure comedy.

I do love how all the other aliens have weird deep voiced but the ones with any lines just sound normal. The aliens are so human that they are actually quite boring, although Travolta’s character has apparently slept with a higher up which both funny and weird at the same time. Bored, just so damn bored. WHAT IS WITH THE INSANE CAMERA ANGLES!? It’s like the camera man had vertigo. I know I have it after watching this!

Isaac I don’t want to do this anymore! I’m so bored! Oh I just hate this film so much, how did nobody see this film was awful whilst it was in production. What were you thinking Warner Bros.? Who was taking what and how often?

Actually this scene is pretty funny. There in the alien bar and there is a woman who is apparently good at sex and what have you and so she shows us a really long tongue and long fingers. So is she really good at blow jobs or what? The most interested I have been this whole film.

Well they are certainly ambitious! The humans have gone from trying to escape to blowing up the aliens home world! Wow I just realized there is no blood In this film. Not a single drop. Also closing to end now because I AM JUST GIVING UP! British engineering maybe excellent but I am pretty sure a Harrier Jump Jet would not be in any working order after 1000 years with no maintenance.

Lastly because I just can’t be bothered talking about this anymore. The visuals are atrocious. The dialogue even worse the acting is non-existent and the plot is ludicrous. What do they give Scientologists to make them all so damn loopey?

Tim’s Film Reviews Not Recommended

Story: 5%       Acting: 0%      Characters: 10%      Dialogue: 0%

Action/Sci-Fi: 5%      Style/Sound: 0%      Visuals: 0%

Total: 3%

Well that’s a new low.

57 comments

  7. Smash

    Good point about the production of this movie, Tim! Clearly this is a pile of shit, they should have seen to that before letting it out into the world half-baked.

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  12. garylee828

    I think I’m the smartest one of the room b/c I never watched this. I could tell it was stupid when it was released. Wish I could say the same for the rest of you suckers. 🙂 Nonetheless, good write-up, Tim.

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  14. Tom

    Gotta hand it to ya, Tim. You’re a much braver, more hardened fella than I for sitting through this presumably flaming bag of turd.

    Battlefield Earth is honestly such a bad movie that its’ shitty reputation alone has got me curious to check it out. . .wonder how long I’ll make it through it, should I ever choose to watch this. Haha!

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