Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2014: SUMMER ~ MOSHI MONSTERS: THE MOVIE (2013)

SFSOFFICIAL

BY: CINEMA PARROT DISCO

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20140705-080017-pm-72017497.jpgMoshi Monsters: The Movie (2013)

Directed by Wip Vernooij & Morgan Francis

Starring Voice Actors:
Emma Tate
Tom Clarke Hill
Phillipa Alexander
Keith Wickham

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
Join Katsuma, Poppet, Mr. Snoodle, and the other Moshi Monters in an action-packed, song-filled race against time! Together they must stop evil Dr. Strangeglove and his incompetent Glump sidekick Fishlips from pulverising the recently discovered Great Moshling Egg.

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You know how kids will make you watch annoying YouTube shit over & over & over again? Gangnam Style, the goddamn Gummy Bear song, Crazy FUCKING Frog?!? This movie is like watching a collection of those annoying clips but with some weird ass Indiana Jones type story written around them. (Seriously – it opens exactly like Raiders of the Lost Ark). Here’s Harrison Ford:

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And they even ride in these cart things just like in Temple Of Doom:

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Anyway – Lucky me, I went to this movie in the cinema (theater to you Americans). I didn’t review it at the time because I really had no clue what was going on as I spent the entire time looking at the cleavage of the woman sitting in front of me. No, not because she was hot. It was because she was on her phone during the ENTIRE fucking movie. Doing what, you ask? I’ll tell you what: She’d apparently posted a photo of her CLEAVAGE on Facebook (not of her face, just her boobies – when the lights came on after the movie, I could see why). So during the whole movie, in between checking a few other Facebook pages full of her other Selfie Cunt friends, she kept going back to her cleavage photo to check for comments on it. I shit you not. What the FUCK is wrong with people today?!?! Okay, now that I’ve seen this movie on DVD (several agonising times) I could tell that stupid bitch she didn’t miss much but, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to catch her name on Facebook. I soooo wanted to find out who she was so I could send her a nasty message somehow.

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Do people REALLY not know how distracting it is when they dig out their phones with the bright screens in a dark cinema?!?! I hate people! This happened again recently when I went to A Million Ways To Die In The West – the woman in front of me sent texts to people and scrolled through fucking Facebook every 15 minutes or so. You’re not in your living rooms, people! Why the hell would you pay that much money to go sit somewhere and USE YOUR PHONE for two hours? Stay at home and “watch” a movie if you’re gonna do that shit! I admit I’m terrible for second screening (a bunch of you see my tweets during movies I’m watching). But that’s when I’m HOME watching a movie ALONE! Oh, and when we went to another kids movie recently, the guy in front of us actually took his phone out in the middle of the movie & started taking photos of the film then took selfies of him & his kid with the movie in the background. And then posted the pics on Facebook, of course. As you do. Because his friends NEEDED to know what he was doing THAT very second. That kind of earth shattering news can’t wait until after the movie to be told!!! I imagine his post went something like this: “Look at me! I’m watching the entirely mediocre Mr Peabody & Sherman with my kid RIGHT NOW! Look at how much I love my kid! I’m the best parent EVAHHHHHH! By the way – have you seen my wife’s fabulous tits? She posted a photo of them while watching that shitty Moshi Monsters movie. I love my kid and my wife’s tits! I’m better than ALL OF YOU!” (FYI – He’s now banned from that cinema)

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Oh, so… Moshi Monsters: The Movie is pretty bad. I’ve “seen” it maybe five times. Except I haven’t, really. I cannot, for the life of me, pay attention to it for more than five minutes. I did try a couple of times as I knew it would probably be my Shitfest entry but it’s so fucking dull that my mind kept wandering. This is aimed purely at kids under the age of 7 – every other human being will hate it. Okay, I admit it: I have no idea what happens in this movie as I’ve ended up fucking around on my phone through the whole thing any time it’s been on. Here’s a picture of my tits during my last attempt to watch Moshi Monsters: The Movie.

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My Rating: 3/10 (I have no idea why. Maybe because I still find those annoying little bastards quite cute. Look at them!)

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Also, it gets one extra point for naming a character Dr Strangeglove & for the character of Sweet Tooth, who’s the Moshi Monster version of Marc Bolan slash Tim Curry’s Frank-N-Furter:

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Hey – you know what’s funny? I realized that, upside down, my boobies look kind of like a Moshi Monster!

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HA! I think that’s probably the look on the face of anyone who gets stuck sitting behind a goddamn phone user when they go out to see a movie…

WHAT UP JIZZBUTT??

I’ll end with a clip of one of several musical numbers from the movie to give you an idea of what you’ll have to endure for 81 minutes if your kids force you to watch it. This is the “Jollywood” song:

127 comments

  1. OMG!!! sounds horrendously shitty. As a rule, I wont take my kids to a movie unless I know what it is and am also interested in seeing it. I have yet to be disappointed that way 🙂

    Like

  2. And i hate people too. There should be a device on cinema seats that drives a spike up through anyone that uses their phone during a film. I’m a pacifist and against capital punishment but in this circumstance i would not mourn their horrible deaths. Same goes for their kids too

    Liked by 3 people

  3. garylee828

    I have just started to go to movies in the morning or early afternoon to avoid large crowds; there’s way too much activity going on during the movie whether it’s doing something on their phone, or talking, or muching loudly, or crackling their candy wrapper for 5 minutes. JUST OPEN YOUR F**KING CANDY BAR AND EAT IT ALREADY! But the movie experiences have been much more enjoyable since I started going to earlier showings; most of my recent crowds have been very quiet.

    Good write-up! This looks lame; but then again, I don’t like hardly any children’s movies.

    Like

    • Thanks! Lol – this is indeed lame. ; ) It’s funny how, when I go to a more “artsy fartsy, worthy movie”, there never seems to be the problem of seeing anyone using a phone. Kids movies are the WORST for this happening. I think the parents see it as a way to shut their kids up for two hours while the parent plays on Facebook. SO rude & annoying…

      Like

  4. My 20 month old daughter just wants to watch Pharrel’s Happy video on a loop all day. But at least there are literally 24 hours of videos for that song, so it isn’t redundant.

    As a cinema manager I can tell you that I stopped wanting to watch movies at the theater with other people. There seems to always be at least one person in every movie who is oblivious to the rules of society.

    Lastly, if you are looking for feedback on your physique, the right one is a little lopsided.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, John! Yes – my boobs are quite wonky… I was waiting for someone to notice! ; ) I’m lucky in that I get to go to the less crowded showings of movies usually so I don’t have to deal with this problem TOO much. I NEVER go to a movie on a weekend night. And I’ve heard the Happy song many many MANY times. And seen both Despicable Mes many times. But I’m not complaining because I LOVE those. Lol : )

      Like

      • My wife will ask me to go to a movie on Friday night and I will look at her like she just are some funky mushrooms. I guess I’m not a good person.
        But, hey, if you are looking for a wonky boob expert I guess I am your guy!

        Like

  5. I went to the movies last week with my son and two of his friends. Well, there was this lady at the end of our row who brought in a kid who may have been two years old, and she let the child play with her phone for the entire, oh 30-45 minutes they were there, then got up and left before the end because he wouldn’t sit still. It’s amazing how distracting a phone light in the theater can be, even in your peripheral vision. At least she left, but I wish she had never been there. Plus, they climbed over me going in and out at least twice while they were there! WTF? I swear I think some people are just miserable, and they make it their mission every morning to spread the annoyance.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • theipc

      Not sure what happened to Mrs. Parrot Disco…. she might be….. “tied up” at the moment so I’ll reply for her…

      LOL it REALLY does especially if he’s wearing woolen mittens!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Great catch!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. LMAO the whole time reading this. I hate people in theaters so annoying, what about those people who keep kicking your seat or the ones that laugh really fckign loud in your ear. That happened to me during Budapest Hotel, these 2 guys laughed so loud next to my head it was distracting. This movie looks like torture wrapped in a pretty pink bubble. Although those characters are super cute and now that Jolly song is in my head. That Indian Elvis dude he’s pretty bad ass.

    Liked by 2 people

    • theipc

      Abbi – I seem to have scared off – um – Mutant is taking a powder right now….

      I AGREE!!!! People should have to sign Competency forms to attend movies.

      Douchebags….

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh man. I can’t believe you’ve semi-watched this five times. My response would just be “NOOOOOPE nope nope nope, nope”. I also can’t believe someone was posting boob photos on Facebook in the cinema during a kids film. There’s something really wrong about that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha – I’m serious when I say I’ve REALLY never paid any attention to the movie. It gives me an opportunity to catch up on a bit of blogging when it’s on. (But only at home, of course) ; )

      And… Boob posting woman? She was there with her two kids. They MUST have seen her photo as she kept bringing it up. WTF??? Those poor kids. Also… I didn’t add this above but, when she stood up at the end, she appeared to be pregnant. Why do people like these breed???

      Like

  9. I will not watch that clip. Or this movie.

    And ‘Selfie Cunt friends’? Not a combination of words I expected you to author, Mutant. But. I fucking hate Selfies. And the cunts who take them. Wait. My wife takes them, though not at the mivie theater. Shit. Shouldn’t have posted this to the internet. Fuck.

    I hate myself.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Bahahahaha Mutant, you are hilarious!!! And quite brave for posting a boob pic–even if it was drawn. You realize Mike will never, ever stop thinking about your boobs now…right? Anyway, this movie sounds DUMB. I am sorry for your suffering. And THANK YOU for calling out all those dumb bitches who whip out their phones during movies. Pisses me off to no end. Miguel likes to shoot flaming arrows at people who use cell phones in movie theaters. True story.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • theipc

      JB,

      Not sure where she’s gone off to so let me fire back a reply…..

      LOL – wasn’t this a good post?? So many GREAT entries this time around!!!

      LOVE,

      SSC

      #utb

      Liked by 1 person

      • SSC,

        It really was. I am just having one of those days where this was the best possible thing I could have come across hahahahaha.

        Very funny. Getting some great entries.

        Love,

        JB

        #utb #soon

        Liked by 1 person

      • theipc

        Dearest JB,

        I DO HOPE work gets better for you!! You know I am always here if you need anything 🙂

        LOVE,

        PSC

        Like

    • Thank you, Zoe! : ) I’m glad it gave you a laugh. I know I could use a laugh while at the office! But those bastards won’t let me use my phone. At ALL. Lol. Maybe I should work in a cinema! ; ) Sorry I’m so late to reply to you (& everyone else, Eric). Been an extremely busy week. : (

      Like

      • Anytime! I know, they are really rough about it at your work (like wtf do you even do that they are THAT strict on it?!). It’s okay, sounds like you have been having a really, really crappy one 😦 😦

        Like

  12. “It might send you quite doolally”? No fucking shit, Sherlock! What the actual fuck is this shit? Oh my god – reasons not to breed #17 you’ll have to watch endless bollocks like this endlessly.

    Also, I fucking hate the general public, ESPECIALLY in the cinema. There are so many oblivious arseholes. I’m just thankful that I have two really nice arty cinemas nearby which seem to attract a better class of punter than your run of the mill multiplex. But still, fucking people, eh? What a bunch of bastards.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha! Yes to all you said, Laura. ; ) I agree – those “arty” places don’t seem to have the same problem. And I don’t have this problem when I go to the more, shall we say “snobby”, types of films. Go to some Michael Bay piece of shit & it’s more likely some asshole will be on a phone. Funny how that works….. : )

      Like

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