Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2014: SUMMER ~ DEMOLITION MAN (1993)

SFSOFFICIAL

BY: WE’RE ALL MAD HERE

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Demolition Man (1993)

Hey! Some of y’all know me, it’s Melissa from wereallmadhere. I don’t usually do movie reviews and since I’ve been unable to narrow down a target for my wrath I wasn’t going to contribute to Shit Fest. But, my husband was watching this movie tonight and I just kept asking myself….WHY.DO.PEOPLE.WATCH.THIS.CRAP!!!! I’d rather watch dust bunnies form under the couch!

So…winner winner chicken dinner, here is my Shit Fest contribution : )

I hope to be long dead before some of the shit in this movie starts popping up in real life. I mean, for fuck sake…what are these people wearing???

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OK….maybe this dude wasn’t a good example. I think this outfit was what he Β chose to wear when he left his house that morning. It just looks too natural on him.

But, I mean really….why all the jacked up hats?

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What about these little gems?? Machines that spit out tickets for cursing? Count me the fuck out! I’d be broke or rotting away in jail within an hour.

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A boring, uptight, drone like, non-violent society… never going to happen. No guns, yeah good luck with that.

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And are theyΒ telling me that there will still be obnoxious rednecks driving a red Trans Am with t-tops in the future? GREAT…kill me now. I bet they’ll all have remote starters too.

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I really, really, really don’t like Sylvester Stallone. This picture is actually a full frontal nude shot of Stallone (as I discovered while out looking for movie stills on the interwebs) but I figured I’d spare you the trauma since some shit can’t be unseen. Anyway, with all of the steroids that this dude has done in his life; there is NO WAY that photo wasn’t photoshopped.

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Then there is Sandra Bullock’s complete lack of boobs (sorry Eric, there really is NO reason for you to ever watch this atrocity).

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It gets worse, as if the future didn’t look bleak enough…What do they mean all the restaurants left are Taco Bell?? If all of the restaurants left are Taco Bell, I’ll starve to death. Again, hopefully I’ll be roadkill long before things get that bad.

How do people actually like this movie? No physical contact? No sex? They’d have better luck getting all of the guns out of our homes before that shit would fly. Oh and playing the theme song to the love boat while wearing the virtual sex helmets??? Wow, that’s just disturbing.

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Can someone please tell me, what are the 3 seashells and HOW in holy hell is this sanitary??? GROSS

The only good part of the movie was Denis Leary:

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yeah, I’m done. This movie doesn’t deserve this much attention.

123 comments

  1. garylee828

    This movie had potential to be good, but they messed it up with the silly “no violent” society angle. Snipes was a pretty fun villain here and the movie would have been much better had it taken place in modern society and Stallone played a cop similar as he did in “Cobra” going after Simon Phoenix (or whatever the villain’s name was). The futuristic subplot was not necessary and took away from the tension and made this feel almost like a slapstick comedy more than genuine crime thriller, in which it had the potential to be. Such a wasted opportunity. Good entry! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great review and as to the lack of boobs, totally agree but I do like this movie. It’s a no brainer movie where I can just watch and grin of happiness. Might help with a lot of alcohol in yr body though because I don’t think I’ve ever seen it sober. Will give it a try tonight. ..

    Like

  3. No, no, no! This movie belongs in Awesomefest, not Shitfest! πŸ™‚ Nobody cares about Sandra’s boobs because her legs are AMAZING. Here’s some evidence (Sandra enters from backstage at the 1.35m mark to help out Tom Hanks)…

    Can’t help you with the three seashells though.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. garylee828

    I do like this film okay; it just could have been so much better! So, I can definitely see where some may hate it. I think what makes this film is Wesley Snipes. Very over-the-top, but entertaining nonetheless.

    Like

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