Since I haven’t seen many terrible movies as of late, or many movies at all for that matter, I had a hard time deciding which film to submit for “Shitfest: Summer 2014”. Sure, I had some crappy movies in mind that would make excellent candidates for this shitty contest, but I just wasn’t feeling inspired or motivated to write about any of those titles…
And then a tidal-wave of inspiration crashed over me when I thought about a certain subject and I instantly knew I had the goods to churn-out one shitty-ass shitfest submission! But this isn’t a film; it’s something far more vile and grotesque…
WARNING: YOU’RE NEARING THE POINT OF NO RETURN!!!
YOUR HEALTH IS AT RISK!!!
VILE PESTILENCE AWAITS!!!
FILTH AND DESPAIR!!!!
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!!!!
I cannot stand the sight of this guy! Anytime I see him on TV I immediately change the channel. Why is he landing big roles like Captain Kirk? I’m not a big fan of sci-fi and I’m certainly no Trekkie, but I may have considered watching the new “Star Trek” films had an intriguing Captain Kirk been cast. But no, they go with this yuppie who looks like he’s still running a frat-house and guzzling beers through a funnel every night.
You can just tell this dude has been handed everything in life and never had to struggle for anything; after all, he was handed the role of Captain Kirk – and while I haven’t heard many complaints about his performance or the film, he certainly isn’t the reason fans flocked to the theater to watch.
People watched the movie who were fans of the franchise; not fans of Chris Pine. He was just there. But had they cast a better Captain Kirk then maybe those of us who are not fans of the series may have given it a chance, as well. Chris Pine simply doesn’t add a single iota of appeal to the role and his mere presence obliterated any chance of me giving the new series a watch. I won’t even watch it on TV for free. I’d rather watch Kate Hudson’s worst romantic-comedy than any Chris Pine film.
This guy is everything wrong with Hollywood. So many other talented and charismatic actors out there who can’t break in the industry or get their foot in the door, while Chris Pine is handed legendary roles because his grandfather was the “President of the Hollywood Bar Association”; if not for being born into Hollywood, we never would have even heard of Chris Pine.
One of my favorite actors is Denzel Washington and I go to the theater to watch just about all of his films, but I could not bring myself to go see “Unstoppable” because of Chris Pine. I really cannot stand the sight of him (i think i said that already). I still have not seen this movie, and most likely never will; even the combination of Denzel Wshington, James Gandolfini, and a non-stop speeding locomotive that surges towards a town is powerful enough to balance out the disgust I feel anytime I see this dude’s douchey, frat-boy face.
Besides “Star Trek” what has he ever done? What stand-out role has this guy ever played? The success of “Star Trek” had nothing to do with him. What wide-release was a smash hit at the box-office because he was the star?
None! Zero. Zilch. Nada. This guy sucks!
He is not Ryan Gosling. He is not Heath Ledger. He is not James McAvoy. He is not Joseph Gordon-Levitt. He is not Bradley Cooper. He is not Chris Evans. He is not even Shia LaBeouf or James Franco! As a matter of fact, he’s not even Jesse Eisenberg, Jonah Hill or Michael Cera; even if you hate those guys, at least they have their own distinctive style…
Paul Walker was not a great actor, but I understood why he kept getting work because he had charisma and was very distinctive. Chris Pine has neither of those qualities or attributes. He doesn’t have a shred of uniqueness; he’s as generic as a gallon of “red drink” fruit punch sitting on the corner of the Hawaiian Punch aisle. I don’t want a bottle of “Dr. Chek” or “Mountain Lightning” soda! Give me “Dr. Pepper” or “Mountain Dew”. I want the real thing; not some wanna-be who floats through life relying on relatives to hand him everything and then feels he is bigger and better than the average person.
What individual awards has he ever won? Does he even have any nominations? We know he’s never mentioned during Oscar season, nor is he ever considered for any Golden Globes, so if he was so damn talented, why is that? Of course there are a slew of talented actors and actresses who have yet to be nominated for an Oscar or Golden Globe, but you always think “They’ll get their recognition sooner or later” but with Chris Pine who looks at him and says “I’m sure he’ll be getting an Oscar in the future!”.
He starred in “This Means War” where he played a secret-agent who competed w/ Tom Hardy to win the affection of a woman; yeah, like any woman would choose him over Tom Hardy! Get the f**k off my screen! This “romantic comedy” (yes, Chris Pine competing w/ Tom Hardy is hilarious) opened-up on Valentine’s Day in attempt to take advantage of the romantic holiday weekend and during that ended-up scoring a whopping $17.4 million at the box-office! Wow, what a huge star Chris Pine is!
Then in January of this year, Chris Pine starred in “Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit” which earned a huge $18 million opening weekend, while in the same weekend Kevin Hart’s “Ride Along” opened-up to the tune of $60 million; so, Chris Pine can’t even compete with Kevin Hart. I guess he doesn’t do so well when he isn’t handed a role to an already hugely successful franchise.
I’m going to see “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” when it hits theaters this summer and had Pine been cast as Cesar it could have been my first Chris Pine film! Pine auditioned for the role and the producers were giving him serious consideration because it would have cut costs dramatically since they wouldn’t need prosthetics for him; but producers ultimately opted to go with CGI Cesar because they said he was the more talented actor.
Have a shitty day!!