First Shitfest entry: The Adam Sandler movie that broke my soul
Hello, Shitfest Readers. I am enormously honoured to be partaking in this legendary event today. If you are taking part, good luck, and my condolences for the bad movies you sat through (every single one of them). I hope you enjoy my post!
So I finally sat down and wrote this out after a not so gentle nudge from Zoë. You see, after watching Grown Ups 2 I knew I had found the shittiest piece of shit in Shitland. It took some time planning what I would say for a variety of reasons. I was firstly so absolutely scarred by what I saw. It is never easy to speak (or write) about traumatic experiences. Secondly, I needed to deal with the large amount of grief that consumed me after watching this film and the knowledge that other people would find this funny and confirm that humanity is in fact doomed. I was very sad about my eyes having to see this and had to organise my thoughts around it.
In a long list of bad movies, Adam Sandler is at it again, and frequently. He seems to take the greatest delight in destroying good feelings about watching movies and is persistent in his endeavours to ruin Hollywood. I suspect he is working with a mission here – to destroy all good movies.
Have you actually ever seen something REMOTELY good with him in it? NO. THERE IS NOTHING. AT ALL . He had a hand in writing Grown Ups 2 and that explains so much about the quality of the movie. If someone remotely intelligent or actually funny had had a hand in writing this it could have been something marginally better. NOTE TO SANDLER: If you can’t get a decent writer to write a movie, know something is wrong with the general idea.
Grown Ups 2 manages to give plenty of stars bad reputations. Okay, I haven’t actually seen Kevin James in something completely worthwhile, but he isn’t that bad. Same goes for David Spade, who ROCKED in 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter. I get sad tears in my eyes thinking of Maya Rudolph and Salma Hayek now. They used to be decent actresses and I had seen some memorable movies of them. Now all I will ever think about is Grown Ups 2 and their association with it.
Taylor Lautner. It is not natural for anyone’s neck to be that size #justSaying. Even though you might hate the Twilight franchise everyone can agree that it had a story at least. He was better in Shark Boy vs Lava Girl than he was in here. His character is just so strange and even more removed from reality than the rest of the characters.
What else went wrong?
NO storyline. What actually happens in here?NOOOOOOTTTTTHHHHIIINNNG.
I am now forced to question a friendship of roughly fourteen years because the person who made me watch this is not my friend and the even more pressing concern is why she liked it.
Salma Hayek being married to Adam Sandler. I mean really?
That big guy walking away and not hitting Sandler. I would have been SO thankful.
Deer.In.House. I live in Africa and I have never had a deer close to my house. Maybe if the movie didn’t start off with a Deer urinating in Sandler’s face the movie might have not have been that bad. (A special thanks to the Deer. It did make me feel better retrospectively)
That big kid sharing any genetics with David Spade. Get a DNA test done dude.
Taylor Lautner getting into University.Pfft.
I cannot send enough warnings out into the universe to warn people to not watch this. Comedy, when done well, is a great thing from time to time but this is not good at all. There is nothing good in it and it is such cheap, toilet humour.
It seems that Sandler is still not content with the disaster he creates. He has also now produced Blended, a ridiculous looking thing that takes place in South-Africa if I am not mistaken. Sir, just back off. NOW.