BY: MOST UNCLEAN
I don’t know if I am going to take some shit for this or not – and I’m not doing this to be cooly counter culture – but I fucking really hated this movie and this is the perfect example of why I don’t ever watch those Oscar nominated, pretentious pieces of shit movies they like so much. I mean, me and Mrs. IPC rented this one night when it came out on VOD and sat through the first 30 minutes of it before giving it a pause. Normally, in situations like this, I say something like, “I hate this goddamned piece of shit..” and politely excuse myself for a piss and then go to bed. In this one, we paused it and she said something along the realms of “How do people like this thing? I hate everyone in this movie.” and I was all “Me too, I fucking hate it!!” and she was all “what a waste of money” and I was all “fucking bullshit!” and she was all “do you care if we stop it??” and I was all “I can just go to bed if you want to finish it” and she was all “no I don’t like it either” and I was all “do you want to watch Doctor Who in bed?” and she was all “LOLOLOLOL HELL NO!!!” and I was all ” 😦 ” and she was all “you’ll be asleep in five minutes” and I was all “good point” and we went to bed.
But now it’s Shitfest time again so I ordered it up and sat through this boring, wretched, piece of shit movie and hated almost every single frame in it. I have to admit that I did actually enjoy the .003 seconds of bare Amy Adams boob we got and was ACTUALLY starting to maybe even like it during the Robert DeNiro part but the fucking second that DeNiro cameo was over they followed it up with a FUCKING MUSICAL NUMBER with Jennifer Lawrence singing and doing some goddamned house cleaning. Eat my shit, movie. And speaking of JL… was she nominated for something in this because her accent that came and went sporadically throughout the entire movie was a fucking joke.
I don’t want to come across as a hater as in – I hate Bradley Cooper so I hated this movie – because that’s not the case. I like all five of the principals in this movie – sure – but the movie SUCKED. I didn’t care about ANYTHING these people were doing or saying, I hated Fat Bale and his stupid hairdo, I hated irritating Cooper and his stupid hairdo, I liked Amy Adams’ boobs but hated her and her English accent and Lawrence… ugh. Here’s another type of shit that turns me off… Jeremey Renner – the mayor – gives Fat Bale a microwave oven. Fat Bale has never heard of such a thing so he calls it a “Sci Fi Oven” – a LOT. So irritating. At one point he tells his wife (Lawrence) not to put metal in the Sci Fi Oven so she does anyway and it blows up and he’s all sad that she blew up the Sci Fi Oven. Kill me now.
What else is there to say about this bullshit? I think I’ve already used the word “pretentious” followed by “piece of shit” so let me see if I can come up with some synonyms? “affected, ostentatious, showy; overambitious, pompous, artificial, inflated, overblown, high-sounding, flowery, grandiose, elaborate, extravagant, flamboyant, ornate, grandiloquent, magniloquent” See John – the IPC IS a place for learning!
In conclusion: FUCK THIS THING
Dearest PSC,
“affected, ostentatious, showy; overambitious, pompous, artificial, inflated, overblown, high-sounding, flowery, grandiose, elaborate, extravagant, flamboyant, ornate, grandiloquent, magniloquent” – you do know how much I love a vocabulary!
Gotta agree, this movie was such a bloody waste!
Love,
JB
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Dearest JB,
Who knew THE IPC was a place of learning and high education?
This movie STUNK!
Love,
SSC
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My SSC,
Well, I did… it has saved me from many awful films at the very least 😛
Love,
JB
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Dearest JB,
I live to serve!
Love,
PSC
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Absolute perfection! This movie is so full of itself, you said it perfectly. This deserves a big round of applause!
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THANK YOU ANNA!!!!
*Accepts Roses*
#soulies
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I knew it you and Anna and Zoe hated this flick. I liked it people! Damn you guys.
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I thought this looked exactly as you described, simply from seeing the trailer; it didn’t look like a 70’s film; it looked like a movie imitating a 70’s film. Huge difference! I ignored the hype and steered clear of this. I thought Bradley’s perm looked lame, Bale’s fake combover was over-the-top, and Renner’s hair looked ridiculous; it was like they were trying way too hard. You could tell the critics and the Academy had their own agenda while promoting this. This truly does look like SF material. Good selection here!
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Dude – this was the worst! This is everything I hate about mainstream shit (and I like SOME mainstream shit).
Going to see Lucy this weekend 🙂
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Yeah, some of the mainstream stuff is good, it’s just annoying when mainstream films get so much more attention and recognition than indies and foreign films.
Let me know how “Lucy” is. I’m hoping it’s good.
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YEP YEP YEP and will do –
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The only thing missing from this was Adam Sandler. lol.
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And LeBron….
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Great post. Although I didn’t hate this as much as you did, it was really pretenious. I have to say though I thought Jennifer Lawrence was the best thing in it (now I will run away and hide from the abuse….)
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LOL – YOU are always under protective custody here, my friend.
But we might have to give you a Time Out in the corner to reflect on this comment.
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You couldn’t get a screen grab of the boob?
I heard people saying how great the Jennifer Lawrence dance thing was, then I watched a clip of it, and it’s completely stupid.
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I sent it back before I started writing this figuring I could find one on the internet and then I couldn’t. I regret this decision.
I know you don’t read the actual words I write in here so I’ll recap – I was actually starting to kind of like this until the goddamned dance scene.
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I don’t even read your replies to my comments.
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I understand.
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Yeah I like bleu cheese on my steak too.
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Fucking disgusting.
Last Friday we went to the bar for trivia night and we sit by this same couple all of the time. Apparently last Saturday the dude’s brother was coming in to town and apparently he likes to eat salad with ketchup as dressing.
Reminded me of you.
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That doesn’t even make any sense. You do live in Oklahoma, though.
You’ve never melted bleu cheese on a filet? Fucking delicious. With red wine especially.
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No – when I worked in that restaurant I had to make Bleu Cheese every day and I got to hating it.
That and fucking meatloaf.
Do you put Heinz 57 on your Prime Rib?
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Do they still make Heinz 57?
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I don’t know – that shit’s NASTY!
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I usually use horseradish sauce if anything.
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yep.
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I didn’t hate this nearly as much as you, but I absolutely agree that this was one of those irritating movies which thought it was much smarter than it was. One of those not worth seeing more than once.
But I DID learn a bunch by reading this review. I learned that The Mrs. IPC is a smart lady and I learned that you found the thesaurus ap on your smart phone!
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I hated this movie and was SOOOO happy that it got shut out at the Oscars, b/c I just couldnt understand why people loved it so much.
Perfect review
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THANK YOU ROB!!!!
#justified
Hey – is it too late for an alien entry at your site?
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for you???? when do u need an extension until?
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I was thinking of putting something together after I get caught up on my blog reading for the morning 🙂
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sounds good. go for it!
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Good deal! I’ll email you after while 🙂
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Got it. Gonna post it today since I know u don’t like being subjugated to weekend purgatory
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No hate here, although I personally enjoyed it. I suspect it will get forgotten about in time though.
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Thanks for not hating me 🙂
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But but but but what about the boobs?!
I actually liked it but hey ho.
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Howdy stranger! I did like those – don’t get me wrong 🙂
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love it when you put your conversations with Mrs The IPC on here. They’re hilarious.
Never seen this movie (shocker, I know) and guess I won’t bother. I always get Amy Adams and Isla Fisher mixed up, they’re like fucking twins or some shit.
Oh, and what is this supposed to mean : “I don’t want to come across as a hater as in – I hate Bradley Cooper so I hated this movie – because that’s not the case.” I’m not a hater because I hate every movie Stallone makes. He makes terrible movies, I can’t help that his presence makes them even worse!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
#notahater
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LOL – she got the booby prize when she met me 🙂
I was just saying that – for example – I will NEVER watch a movie with Jack Black or Dane Cook or Russell Brand for that matter because I HATE them SO MUCH. I was trying to convey that it’s not like I didn’t like this because of one of the actors.
Make sense?
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
#StalloneRocks
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LOL you said booby….wait, that’s nothing new.
; )
Dane Cook is probably one of the most annoying human beings on the planet, followed closely by Russell Brand… they’ve been added to my list of junk food for the sharks.
I was just giving you shit, I get it.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
#boobyprizeisthebest
#myhusbandgotthesameprize
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I say booby a lot 🙂
#boobs
🙂
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: )
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lol. brilliant. i was particularly moved by your romantic banter with Mrs IPC.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
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I learned some new words! I didn’t hate this movie quite as much, but I really do not understand why people LOVE it so much. Bradley Cooper’s hair was so wrong man. Just no
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WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I HATED it, Kidney. Just hated it. Oh wait – am I allowed to call you that yet?? 🙂 🙂
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hahahahahaha you certainly can Pappy!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
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I’m not going to read this review if you mention boobs. Shit… I didn’t get very far! ; )
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Typical! 😦
#WhatAWanker
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I wonder if Christian Bale’s fat and thin yo yo thing is going to affect his health in the future. It would be much easier just to be fat, I think that’s secretly what he wants to do, and then he can be Marlon Brando.
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HA!!!!
All that cocaine and hot dogs will get to you one day 🙂
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Doesn’t Tom Hanks have diabetes now because of yo-yo dieting?
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I looked it up and I did find an interview where he said that, you’re right.
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Sci-Fi oven? Are you serious? Wow, who thought that was a great idea. I usually don’t watch films nominated for best picture for the same reason. They’re just bad and boring. Some I don’t think are like that but I think the majority probably are. 12 Years a Slave looked great. This looked like they threw a bunch of big names in the cast list to try to shadow how much of a turd this script is. The trailer said this sucks all over it, at least for me. Also, BEST ENDING EVER!!!
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Yes, they fucking said that a LOT and every time they did it worked my nerves. You would laugh at how sad Bale sounds when he says “You broke the Sci-Fi oven……”
This movie was SO LAME…
HAHAHAHAHAH!!
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Oh my good god I fucking hated this film! Unfortunately I saw it at the cinema – what a fucking waste of money, that was. Utter garbage. Excellent write up, as always. I think I was more favourable towards Renner and Lawrence, but overall i fucking hated this film. Did I mention that already?
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HAHAHAHA!!! YES!!!!!
I LOVE our gang!! FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!
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It’s so nice to meet like-minded people : )
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I just love your blog 🙂
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Ditto – you’re the best!
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#score !
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Do we high five, now?
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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe even hug…..
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As if to play up to stereotypes of the English being cold, I’m not big on public displays of affection, but what the hell? Get over here! [arms outstretched, ready for some hug action]
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OK – understood! Just the once!
*relishes*
*squeeze*
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*squeeze!*
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: ))))))))))))))))))
*understand boundaries*
: ))))))))))))))))
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Ha, excellent dissection man! I actually do like this one, but on reflection it does come across as being a bit overrated.
Adam.
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Hmmm……I didnt love this like some but I definitely didnt hate it. And dont EVER criticise Jennifer Lawrence. That is all 🙂
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LOL!!! I think I liked this a bit better than you, buddy…but yeah it wasn’t as great as it should’ve been, huh? THANK YOU for mentioning Amy Adams’ weird ass accent. Drove me nuts. I actually liked J Law though…Be nice!!! She’s one of us!!! Midwest FTW!!! Also: “The IPC IS a place for learning!” All I could think of was Step Brothers: “This is a house of learned doctors!!!” Hahahahaha.
#YEAHSHITFEST #LEARNEDPROBIES
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i want him to make a banner that decrees “LEARNED PROBIES” across the top of it
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You got it!!
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I didnt hate it but I don’t really remember it. It thought it was clever but wasn’t. No idea why it was so popular.
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I’ve only watched an hour of American Hustle, and found myself struggling with it as well. Switched it off, and didn’t go back. Amazingly, I think it was the bit where Amy Adams was getting banged in the toilet. I find David O. Russell to be a bit of a wanky director anyway. The only film of his I’ve genuinely liked is Three Kings (not seen The Fighter yet though). I think I might go back to American Hustle one day to see what all the fuss was about.
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Jennifer Lawrence was a real bitch to me in public the other day, so this Shitfest entry is therefore righteous.
#fuckit
#thedressaccidentwasbullshitshewantedittocomeoff
#imactuallynotsurewhichdressaccidentimreferringtobutmypointstillstands
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Were you trying some unplanned The Sex??
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. . . . caught me.
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I don’t like the first thirty minutes either. But after that . . . well I think it’s pretty good. And the science oven bit was awesome.
No surprise, then. We disagree on an Oscar-bait flick. 🙂 Who would have thought it?
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🙂 🙂
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Pingback: July 2014 Favourites | FILM GRIMOIRE
I absolutely HATED this movie, felt exactly the same way you did! I couldn’t BELIEVE that Jennifer Lawrence, as much as I love her, got nominated for this clusterfuck. Her accent was downright awful! The only person I liked in this was Jeremy Renner. And that’s just because he didn’t go too over-the-top with his acting like everyone else did.
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YES!!!!
THANK YOU!!!!
This movie was bullshit!!!
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I liked this movie stop hating!!!!!!!!!! LOL
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I’m totally cooly counter culture with you on this one man. Can’t believe this one got so much love.
I have so much shitfest to catch up on.
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SHITFEST WINNER! I fell asleep more than once during this and was annoyed while I was awake. I wanted to be amused by the period stuff, but it was way too fake. Hard to get invested in characters when A) you hate them and B) they don’t do anything remotely believable. Probably the best thing I can say is, I really don’t remember the specifics of the movie at all, so at least it didn’t leave any lasting scars. Well done, Ace!
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Thanks my main man!!!
Glad to see you out here again!
Yep – this movie stunk. I wish we could have done a piece about this together…
thanks for coming out!
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