Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HORROR HOUSE (2008) LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME

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Well….. SHITFEST SUMMER is over and we’re all hungover and have the DTs but that doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped watching shitty movies – after all – that’s what this site was originally intended to be… a place where we could sit around and talk about bullshit movies and get loaded on beer and Jager shots and get our tits out and all of that shit. You know, like the local pub you can walk home from when you’re good and pissed. So here we are with a very lame 2008 movie that really has jack shit to offer anyone and by “jack shit” i mean = nothing. I mean, for reals, this movie started off incredibly stupid and then after about five minutes I was all:

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Imagine me playing a trumpet that makes the WAAAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAH WUUUUUH sounds. But I pressed on because I love you wand want to protect you from this shit and even kind of liked this broad even though she couldn’t act for shit:

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She seemed peppy and fun and then the director even came around and teased us with a little bit of this:

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And then it just kept getting worse and worse. The theory that that this movie is about: a group of actors get cast to film a Reality “serial-killer-murder-house” movie might be true but in reality, it’s so fucking dark that you can’t see what’s going on half of the time, these people slip in and OOT of their Canadian accents, sometimes even during one scene and there’s a big twist thing that happens towards the end that’s gonna make you shit your pants it’s so fucking terrifying but it really isn’t because it’s stupid and we all saw that coming.

At one point, fans of The Boobs might get a little excited because after we’ve been introduced to Boob Girl:

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she goes to do her bathtub scene and it looks like this:

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THANKS for NOTHING, Assface! I tried lightening it up but there’s still no big payoff:

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And by “big payoff” I don’t mean that we would all have a collective orgasm at the site of these things but at least we could do our obligated investigation into how they look and what they might feel like bopping up and down on your face. Because that’s what we all do, right? Right? RIGHT???!?!?!?!

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Well… poop… anyway = this movie pretty much sucked ALTHOUGH – I do think this could have been good if they had had some moneys to bring in more talent, behind the camera and in front of it. Aside from the miserable opening, the story wasn’t all ass-up like you might think. So, with some money maybe we could have witnessed a better product. Better actors, better camera… oh…. and some fucking lights!!!

#beingabletoseewhatsgoingonistheshit

On another note – this being the big day after Shitfest – I have an experimental post coming out this afternoon that I would love your feedback on. Please check it out!

57 comments

      • Zoë

        My Kindest Chop,

        Mainstream tomorrow you say, eh? Will see about that! 😛

        Well, there will be another Shitfest sometime 🙂 This one was successful.

        Also, we need another social sometime.

        Love,

        JB

        Like

      • theipc

        Kindest JB,

        Yes – a fucking regular movie – but I actually liked it.

        I’m already plotting for the next Shitfest… maybe I’ll sell merchandise…

        YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Love,

        GSC

        Like

    • garylee828

      No worries, SF Winter (or Fall, whichever) will be here in a few months and in the meantime we are going to watch “Dolemite” for the SF social that will be around the corner!! (like the way I took over the IPC and told Eric what we’re going to watch without even asking him?) lol. I think if I made Eric sit thru Birdemic AND Dolemite, him and Scrotey may map quest me and invade my house in the middle of the night and beat me up. Well worth the risk! I nominate “Dolemite” for the next SF social!!!! 🙂

      “Open up your trunk, Dolemite.”
      “There’s nothing in my trunk.”
      “Open up your trunk!”
      “There’s nothing in my trunk, man!”
      “Open up the trunk!”
      “There’s nothing in my trunk, man!”
      “You’re under arrest!”
      “What? You’re gonna have to TAKE ME!”
      (delivers spin kick that lands at the officers knee and sends him flying back 10 yards)

      Like

      Reply
  3. mikeyb @ screenkicker

    ‘I do think this could have been good if they had had some moneys to bring in more talent, behind the camera and in front of it’ – not shit sherlock, this is true of pretty much every film

    I come here for the insight

    Like

    Reply

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