Well, Probies… I don’t really know what to say about this thing…. the costume of the Blood Widow was pretty well done and I really liked the lead actress but I was really confused the entire time because – well – this thing was pretty fucking LOL-ish and I think it was supposed to be a serious horror movie. Like – there’s this one part where two people are talking out in the yard about something and suddenly Blood Widow appears and lops off both of their heads with one swipe of her sword. I actually cracked up and I don’t think that’s what they were going for… I think the real life equivalent of something like this happening would be me approaching Melanie Laurent and asking her for a kiss on the mouth and her agreeing to it instead of pepper spraying me and calling the cops. WON’T HAPPEN.
The plot: a couple of individuals move into a house outside of town.They gripe at each other and then throw a rager. Behind the house is an abandoned building where something horrible happened years ago. During the rager, some hippie takes some acid and goes to the house and gets killed. That night some other people get killed. Then some more. Then someone tries to escape by climbing out of a two story window BUT the Blood Widow JUST HAPPENS to be at that FUCKING window, two stories up and lops off someone’s head. Or arm. Or something. It was fucking stupid and laughable.
We do get to see Stripey’s boobs though. BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT right when she pops em out she gets gored by a CGI sword through her chest. LAME…. eventually the chick two pics up gets caught by the Blood Widow and, for some unknown reason, Blood Widow has a fancy video camera. She turns it on and flays the blond’s legs – which was actually kind of sphincter clenching but she soon stops and throws a rag over the blond’s head and leaves.
At this point, My Beloveds, I have to admit that I stopped watching it for the day and went home and did what I did and came to work the next day and then got busy doing something totally important to the industry ( ) and when I went to finish this thing up my rental had expired and I wasn’t paying another five bucks to finish this bullshit. Soooooooo – I can’t say if the second half was redeeming of the stupid first but I will speculate that it wasn’t. I have NO IDEA why Blood Widow is who she is or why she wears dominatrix leather and a creepy mask but I do know that the though of renting this again made me feel like this:
Oh well, fuck it I suppose. Have good weekends, everyone!! Don’t forget to check out Jack and his dong this Sunday!!! SPLURT!