SERIOUSLY??? This movie SUCKED SO BAD I could barely stand it. And you know I watch shit like this so you don’t accidentally step in it and track it all over the floor of your house. But GOD DAMN this sucked! This starts off with a woman crying in the woods. Then she pulls a shiny revolver out of nowhere and points it at her head and then the screen goes black for the opening credits and the gun fires. K thanks for showing us the end of the movie at the beginning. Here it is:
After that unpleasantness, we cut to the same woman, this time wearing more than a sheet, as she leaves her house she seems to share with some disptick who wears a big cross around his neck. They seem to be husband and wife and appear to be fighting about something because he hugs her and she doesn’t hug him back, or some fucking shit. Turns out she’s off to break the law and litter and dump her dad’s ashes into this fucking river, like so:
But this fucker:
Comes into the shot about five seconds in and says something like “Pardon me miss, but we don’t like strangers dumping stuff in our river here.” She says something like “My dad and I used to come here every year” so I would think that would make her not a stranger but she decides to leave and in the five seconds she was away from her car that fucking guy somehow had it removed from where she parked it, I guess by fucking magic or something, because it’s gone even though she was about twenty feet from it the hole time. She didn’t hear it start or drive off or get towed so he either ate it real quick or threw it into the atmosphere because it’s gone.
*SPOILERS* to come
So she agrees to let this total stranger take her to his house to meet his batshit wife who has cancer and can’t have kids. SOOOOOOOOOOO, since they can’t have kids of their own they want to make someone have one for them so they tie her up and pour boiling water down her throat. K – not sure how that would be very conducive to Conception but they do anyway and, after an unsuccessful escape attempt they drug her and drag her into a candlelit room where – yep – the wife had made this unconscious man have an erection so she makes her screw him until he nuts and then she pulls the pillow case off of his face and it’s her…………….. brother. The guy with the cross is her brother. And she just took his seed into her. I’ll let all of that wholesome goodness sit in for a minute.
Now that they’ve poured boiling water down her throat and made her fuck her brother what else could happen? Well, as she makes her final escape attempt, she decides to kill the wife by pouring all of her dad’s ashes into the wife’s mouth and suffocating her with them. Then there’s a big chase in the woods in which she murders her own brother and then murders the dude who ate her car. But – I was wrong!! She didn’t blow her own brains out after all!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Fucking terrible movie.
O_O”
LikeLiked by 1 person
More like:
x_x
LikeLike
Holy shit, this just sounds like one of those ~too edgy for you~ films that is actually really dumb. Laaaaame!
LikeLiked by 1 person
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LAME!
LikeLike
The Art of Love-Making by The IPC
LikeLiked by 1 person
DON’T GO STEALING MY IDEAS!!!!!
LikeLike
Kindest PSC,
What. The. Fuck.
Love,
Judgy JB
LikeLiked by 1 person
JJB,
Yup…………
Love,
GSC
LikeLiked by 1 person
SSC,
This… just… eeeeww…
JJB
LikeLiked by 1 person
JSBJB,
This sucked!
Love,
PSC
LikeLiked by 1 person
Terrible movie … Brilliant review! Those screencaps have convinced me enough never to touch this garble :p
LikeLiked by 1 person
NEVER EVER EVER attempt this, my friend.
LikeLike
Damn, and I had this lined up to watch tonight. Looks like it’s a double bill of Knight Rider and Street Hawk.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well shit. At least I was able to save you from this.
Don’t forget to DVR The Fall Guy and TJ Hooker too.
LikeLike
Yes! And a helicopter double bill of Airwolf and Blue Thunder.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re ALL SET!!!
LikeLike
Wow.
#yousuredowatchsomeshit
: )
LikeLiked by 1 person
A classic!!
#yesisuredosonooneelsehasto
#completist
#yourewelcome
LikeLike
Lol
#youreallydonthavetosinceimprettysurenoonewouldwatchanyofthisstuffanyway
LikeLiked by 1 person
#youalwaysforgethepurposeofmyblogitsnottotalkabaoutsummerblockbustersitstotalkaboutshithorrormoviesbutthenevolvedintosomeothertypesofmoviestoolikecitizenkaneandlucyandonceuponatimeinthewest
LikeLike
Citizen Kane…. lmao!!!!
LikeLike
What a fucking deal that was….
#hangmefromaropedotdotdot
LikeLike
Er… what???
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly, Abbi… exactly….
LikeLike
Haha, the bit about the car cracked me up. 🙂 Did the car ever turn up anywhere later on?
LikeLiked by 1 person
NOPE!!!!
LikeLike
Rogue River – a pretty darn good title – guess it was all downhill from there
LikeLiked by 1 person
The second it started rolling HA!!
LikeLike
I just sighed in relief… ok good Eric is back. This was an on point Eric review. This movie sounds horrible… I mean she had sex with her brother. WTF. Why!!!!!!!!!!! I mean how do these movies get made? Who is like I have this really good idea for a movie, then the other person is like yeah let’s totally make this stupid ass movie. #doneranting
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I can’t sit around watching good shit all the time, right???
#theipclives
LikeLike
No way dude!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ive seen this shit, yet I can remember pretty much zero about it. One hat is maybe too kind 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
YOU’VE SEEN THIS????
God Damn!! Wasn’t this awful????
LikeLike
Ill watch anything. Especially with people like Bill Moseley, genre guys like that
LikeLiked by 1 person
This movie sucked!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
What in the name of arse?
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHAHAHA!!!!!
Exactly = arse.
LikeLike
Holy shit, dude. I have no words…
#ew
LikeLiked by 1 person
#abominable
#avoidlikeaspider
#letsgoliveinhawaiiwheretherearenospiders
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are no spiders in Hawaii?!?!
*packs bags*
LikeLike
Pingback: Marvelous Mondays: Elektra 2005 by the IPC | Life of this city girl