Isaacs Picture Conclusions

UNDER THE SKIN (2013) FOUR TOP HATS

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*SPOILERS and NSFW*

Well….. howdy… what do we have here?? It’s the naked Scarlett Johansson movie…. SPLURT!!!! But really… is it any good….? I don’t know… I watched it about five days ago and I’m still confused by what the fuck went on in there…. I mean – it’s really pretty to look at and all of that shit – it’s well directed and ScarJo does some good acting – considering most of this acting bit is staring off into the distance – and the special effects are top notch but… what the fuck did I watch the other day? There’s going to be some serious spoilers in here and later I plan to show off a new trick I learned but – seriously… what the fuck?UNDER2 Maybe I should start this off by saying that people who have read the book will probably get this better than a dumbass like myself but really… this started off confusing. Some dude is riding down a highway at 100 MPH at night. It looks real nice and all of that but then he stops, heads down to the beach. Soon, he’s carting some dead or passed out woman over his shoulder and takes her to this room with no walls or floor and a naked ScarJo strips the woman down and puts on her clothes. Then she gets in a van and goes driving around. Come to think of it, that was actually pretty boring aside from a naked ScarJo. You know, in fact, let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way:UNDER3

The rest of this movie is just weird. Sure it’s pretty and good to look at and probably deep and has some sort of deep message about humanity whether or not humans are good or bad and all of that shit but fuck.  I mean – for example – she lures the first guy back to her lair where it’s a an empty, black room with no walls or floors or  any of that shit. She starts walking away from the dude who strips and has an erection. He then slowly fades away from the feet up like he’s sinking into some sort of oily goo but he doesn’t seem to care, because he’s so horny I guess. There’s no struggle for survival – the basic instinct of man, and just goes “underwater” until he ceases to be. I guess. Fuck if I know.

Later she brings another dude back and he gets naked with his boner and follows her and drops into the goo and this time they show what happens to him under the surface. He’s floating around in the darkness – LIVING – mind you – and sees the first guy. The first guy is all sunken in and shit like he’s been underwater for a month but – he’s also still alive – and it’s really fucking creepy looking and then – conveniently – he implodes and turns into a flappy, white, rag looking skin thing. I’m totally sure what they were going for here or what they were trying to convey but – while it was neat looking – I don’t fucking get it.
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Aside from legally seeing Johansson’s tits – there was one thing I REALLY liked about this – what she looked like without her human suit on:UNDER5

Oh well – I liked it and I kind of didn’t. It’s worth your time but I wish I knew what the fuck was going on. Why were the aliens harvesting these humans? Why? Why did the dude alien go track that Elephant Man guy down and shove him in a trunk? What did he do with him? If he can go get people why do they need the chick alien? What was the purpose of the couple on the beach? How did these aliens learn how to drive motorcycles and vans? How did they get here? Where was the spaceship? Why didn’t she just cut a slit in her human suit so she can have The Sex? Why does Mike Boyd have sex with goats? We may never know but we learned that if you run in to some pretty chick in the woods and you try and rape her but her skin comes off and she’s an alien, douse her with a convenient can of gasoline and then light her on fire. That’ll do the trick…

57 comments

  1. I’m sorry for not saying something more about the movie, but she looks a lot smaller ‘up top’ than I was expecting. Good review as ever 🙂 I probably won’t rush to watch this, but would watch it! I think I’d still prefer your review 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. garylee828

    I am surprised you liked this one; this is one I thought you’d hate. I was pretty bored for the most part, although the final sequence was pretty interesting.

    I wonder if this entry is safe for work? I will pull it up and make that Scarlett pic my new screensaver! lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Is this the first naked ScarJo you’ve had on here? I feel like it’s going to do wonders for your stats. Because obviously you didn’t already have enough pervy people stopping by. 😉 Good review, buddy!

    #probielove

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This movie is excellent. I think one of the things that made it so strange is having a Hollywood mega star like Scarlett cruising around a British city in a white van, picking up unsuspecting Scottish folk. Some of the guys she talked to weren’t even actors. The director just got her to hit on random guys. How did you do with the accents, Eric? The Glasgow accent can be hard to the ear around. I was nearly gonna put subtitles on at some points, but had to remind myself they were speaking English!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like how as I scrolled through in reading this, the bottom part of Scar Jo’s body was still in view. So I saw her private parts the whole time I was reading. Thanks Eric!!!!!!!!!! lol Do you think that was really her body or a body double? You know how these actors are? Truly curious? And I loved your review as Luke mentioned it’s always interesting to hear your take on movies. I would like to hear what you think about that Nymphomaniac movie, now that it is on Netflix. I think your take would be hilarious… please do if you feel like spending 4 hours watching that and you have nothing else to do. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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