Isaacs Picture Conclusions

JIMMY TUPPER VS THE GOATMAN OF BOWIE (2010)

I had to make my own screenshots for a movie last week and, as I was flipping through the images on my iPad, I found some old grabs I made for this and thought I would re-publish for the newer Most Beloveds.TUPPER1

This is one of those movies that I find difficult to talk about. Well – not difficult to TALK about because I can have a couple of drinks and run my mouth to no end – or, in this case, run my fingers to no end. BUT – here’s the thing. This movie is just over an hour long. The first 45 minutes (give or take) is handheld video cam that’s as nauseating as the first time you saw THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (and features a guy in the woods alone for most of that run time). The first 45 are also – sorry – kind of boring and at one point features a guy sitting alone by himself in a tent drinking beer for a good ten minutes.

TUPPER2

But then, some time around the 46 minute (or so) mark, they switch to a static camera and things get pretty awesome and I don’t mean just because the camera changes. This is when everything picks up and we get the big payoff and the last, I don’t know, THREE minutes are fucking excellent. So, Good and Most Beloved Readers, how do we rate something like this? Does the end justify the means? Do the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many? If you put lipstick on a pig is it still a shit eating pig? I would give the last three minutes a 5 TH, the last 15 a cumulative 4 but all of the footage leading up that point was rather boring, a little irritating and come-on-lets-get-to-the-fucking-point-y. *Shrugs*.

TUPPER3

Back in, probably, 1992, my friend Pat bought a Video Recorder and we used to film ourselves being drunk and playing games and acting like fools. I think we once even had a tape of Pat drunkenly peeing in his refrigerator. If those things still existed I would burn them in the parking lot, not only to eliminate any further reason for public shame, but also to erase from history the sense of fashion we all thought we had: say goodbye to long, stringy hair, flannel shirts and leather jackets. WHAT! Anyway – the first twenty minutes of this are a bunch of fools clowning around, drinking and whatnot and then Jimmy’s pals drop his passed out self off in the woods one night.

TUPPER4

When they come back to get him the next day, he claims to have been assaulted by The Goatman. Soon he sets up camp out in the woods to capture video proof of the man / goat hybrid and spends a lot of time by himself in that tent. Like I wrote above, eventually something happens and JTVTGOB gets pretty good – but I wouldn’t want to ruin this for anyone. I really did watch the last ten minutes twice before my rental expired because it was worth it, but I can’t say I would watch the whole thing again. Before the credits roll, there’s a card that indicates there will be a sequel but it’s not listed on IMDB at the time of this writing. If that does happen, I’ll be happy to check it out and report back. Here’s my reco – five bucks is five bucks and what can you do with five bucks these days? Not much, but you can rent a movie for five clams and if you rent this one, the big finale is all kinds of good, but is the whole thing worth it? That’s hard to say. Anyone else seen this??

36 comments

    • theipc

      That’s hilarious!!! Good one!!

      I would hate to spoil this – but – I can confirm the existence of at least one Goatman. But he doesn’t play any music : )

      Like

  1. Where do you find this shit!

    That’s a tough question, about a great ending making an otherwise boring film worthwhile. I suppose that’s why I very rarely turn a film shitty off before the end – what if something amazing happens, and I miss out?! More often than not there isn’t even a surprise, brilliant ending so really, you were lucky.

    Liked by 1 person

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