Isaacs Picture Conclusions

MR. JONES (2013) WHAT THE FUCK DID I WATCH?

MJONES1

I took a day off a week or so ago – just to rest and be a fucking lazy ass – and wanted to do some movie watchin’ in bed. When I failed to figure out how to get the Amazon Fire working I turned to old reliable Netflix streaming and noticed that I’d seen almost every single thing they have to offer – except for this thing with the wicked looking movie poster. Despite the fact that it’s PG-13 and Found Footage I decided to give it a go and if I fell asleep during it, I really didn’t give a shit. Surprisingly, this thing started off rather interestingly: MJONES2

And the lead actress was really rather cute. But, after about fifteen minutes we drift away from her and listen to the lead actor talk into a camera for too long  and this gets really fucking boring – so much that your head might just pop off but then –MJONES3

They start running into shit like this in the woods –MJONES4

– and even this guy and things start to get going a little. Apparently these scarecrow things are created by a recluse named Mr. Jones who, at one point, mailed these stick figures around the United States and the people that got them went batshit. So, these fucking YoYos who are found footage filming themselves making a documentary about living without a TV and shit changes focus to making a documentary about Mr. Jones and – even though the lead guy says he “sold everything and spent ALL of their money on this (fucking) camera” – somehow he manages to jet off to some big city and interview a bunch of people. even though he has NO money and they even fight about that a bit.MJONES5

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH nothing happens and nothing happens but I’m obligated to finish the goddamned thing because I have to find closure and the last thirty minutes of this are so confusing and pointless that I wanted to just puke. for some reason things change from found footage to static camera work and someone’s trapped in a cave and the lead is going around filming himself and it’s noisy and loud and the colors change constantly and something’s going on with some doll and then they’re watching themselves on some computer and I think it’s supposed to mean they’re trapped in a nightmare or something but I didn’t give one shit and somehow it was eventually and finally over. Then I got some lunch and watched Horns and even though I didn’t love it, it was a masterpiece compared to this bullshit.MJONES6

And there you go. Aside from a wicked ass movie poster and some good looking cleavage at the beginning of this, this really doesn’t have much to offer and I REALLY doubt you’d love this. Maybe – every movie is someone’s favorite movie but, by god, I didn’t like this at all. For a slightly more positive perspective on this thing that I didn’t like – you could check out my friend Kim’s take HERE.

43 comments

    • theipc

      I didn’t love it but our friend Kloipy liked it fine. Maybe you should give it a shot and see for yourself. My recommendation: free.

      I’ve already broken up with this movie.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. Nicole Nevermind

    Ugh! I agree. WTF, Mr. Jones?! I saw the trailer for this and got all excited about it thinking that even though it was found footage, it actually seemed to have a fairly unique premise. A reclusive artist mailing out pieces of his work that make the recipients go batshit seemed kinda Lovecraftian. The artwork or Erich Zann or some such thing. Sadly, it’s like halfway through this one they ran out of money and ideas so just threw a bunch of confusing shit at the camera, then called it a day. Grrr.

    I think being a horror fan is a bit like being a Cubs fan (they’re a bad team, right? They never win? I know fuckall about sports and even I think they’re kinda synonymous with disappointment). Ever year a new batch of horror films gets released and we’re all like “WOO! YEAH! This is gonna be our year, you wait and see!” and then most of it ends up being unwatchable crap. But we still never lose our love or enthusiasm for our genre. There’s a heartwarming lesson in there somewhere, but I don’t have enough caffeine in my bloodstream yet to find it. Anyway, great review! As always. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • theipc

      Nicole!!!

      I’m so happy you’re back and YES!! I agree with you all over the place!! And – yes, the Chicago Cubs are pretty synonymous with that – good call!!

      Have you happened to see Housebound yet?? It’s a horror comedy but it’s fan-fucking-tastic!

      Thankyouthankyouthankyou for coming around!

      Like

      Reply

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