Isaacs Picture Conclusions

A SHITFEST FOLLOW-UP! HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (2013)

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Recently, or a few months ago, our Man on the Street John Lincoln submitted this as an entry for SHITFEST which you could read HERE if you were interested. Some people agreed that it’s terrible, dirty, rotten shit, some people like myself said that they hadn’t seen it probably wouldn’t and some people disagreed and said they didn’t think it was half bad or even liked it. Well, one day Mrs IPC and I were sitting around with nothing to do and surprisingly, she asked me if I wanted to watch this – I think she might have the hots for Jeremy Renner or something – and I said sure thing, even though I remembered how much John hated it. I had actually been willing to watch it because it’s directed by Tommy Wirkola who’s responsible for DEAD SNOW and DEAD SNOW: RED V DEAD – with “Dead 2” being one of my favorite movies this year. So we watched part of it one Sunday and the rest of it another Sunday and…..
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… I quite liked it….! I thought it was fun and some of the dialogue was LOL-y, I thought the sets were pretty fucking well done and I even thought the CGI looked pretty good. I was leery of the things I knew about like medieval firearms and the like but I thought they pulled them off pretty cleverly. I think something to think about if you’re going to look at this movie is that it’s NOT a horror film. It’s more of a comedy but it’s the type of comedy I like: sly and dark and not Ron Burgundy screaming about his boners or eating cat shit. Like, towards the beginning of this, after they save this woman from being executed for being a a witch, Hansel says something to the crowd like “Get out of here, no one’s dying today!” and Gretel mutters, under her breath “You fucking hillbillies….” I like my humor demure. Like, I found it REALLY funny today at Thanksgiving lunch when mother-in-law was telling some story of how her boss broke his back. She said “Well, he was riding a toboggan and fell off.” I was like “A “toboggan“, eh?” and she was “Uh huh.” I thought about asking her if we needed to break out the Antimacassars for our after supper congregation, but I didn’t. Anyway, I liked “H&G:WH” fine and:HAG3

Something that I wanted to note in my DEAD SNOW 2 piece that I don’t remember if I did or not is that I don’t know who they are or how much Wirkola is paying them but whoever is doing his Visual Effects and Make-up – they do PHENOMENAL work. I know his three movies are under-the-radar-goodness but – shit – these guys are great! And – for those of you who have seen this – I really liked this scene:HAG4

And:

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I’ve also never been a big fan of Famke Janssen, or people named Janssen in general, but I thought she was pretty good in this one. I’m not sure if this is what she looks likHAG6

What??

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WHAT??

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I said WHAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT???!!???!!HAG9

Oh well – back to the movie…. IS THIS GUY IN EVERYFUCKINGTHING????? He’s in more shit than Jürgen Prochnow was back in the 80s and 90s…. SHIT!! LOL – SHIT ON IT!!HAG10Anyway – speaking of John Lincoln – the other day he posted about STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS and had a go about Alice Eve taking off her clothes in that movie and I even agreed that it was pointless but added that “I didn’t mind at all” (or something). He suggested that I make some sort of gratuitous nudity gauge for my site and I thought that was one of the best ideas I had heard of in a while so I did a mock up while I was wasting away on a conference call:

NUDE1Then, when I was prepping this post to schedule in the morning my OCD got the better of me again so I did a barometer for this movie because it wouldn’t be right to not make one and also noted that I needed a couple more options.. Do you like this feature?? Please advise:

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So – speaking of SHITFEST – who wants to do another one?? I’ve had some questions about when I was going to do it again and suggestions for February 2015. Anyone want in?? For those of you newer Most Beloveds – SHITFEST is a contest I run where YOU write about the shittiest movies you’ve seen and I’ll post them out here, then, at the end of the contest, YOU will vote on your favorite post of the contest and the winner gets a trophy!

You can check out all of the entries and see the previous winners at any of the four links at the top left of my page here (if you’re looking on a non mobile device). Who’s in??? ANYONE???  Here’s the trophy:

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Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me if you need more scoop or are simply interested. You DON’T have to be a blogger to enter!

55 comments

  1. Dearest and Most Beloved SSC,

    You know I loved the nudity-meter 🙂 As for Shitfest… you SO know that It will be there, front and centre! Goodness knows I have watched enough crap to pick something out for that!

    I see you got a bit sidetracked today eh? 😛

    Love,

    JJB

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha, I’ve made an impact. I feel important.
    You liked this movie FAR more than I did! My horror/comedy tastes go much more to a movie like Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil. I’m not sure why this one didn’t get me going. Maybe because it was the one day I was laid up with a bad back and was in a pissy mood. Probably, though, I would have thought it sucked anyway. But I’m glad you liked it.
    Nudity-meter on Shitfest is a go for me, you know I’m in!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I actually liked ‘Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters’ too, first I wasn’t too interested in the film thinking it’ll be some PG-13 crap, but it was surprisingly gory and fun! ‘Dead Snow 2’ on the other hand was utterly amazing!!! Loved every second of it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lem

    Now…I don’t like a ____ometer with too many categories…but… after our conversation last week I’m surprised not to see an “Old butts” or “old boobs” in there. Love it, I do.

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      Lemuel,

      I actually had “Old Boobs” in there but – like you – I don’t think we need any unnecessary filler – and since, hopefully I don’t have to witness Old Boobs very often, I took it out.

      My intention is to keep the black box as the wild card and can sink in some depressing Old Boobs in there if need be.

      Like

  5. Dearest Pappy!!

    LOVE the Nudity-O-Rometer! Very excellently done. I would have had the hots for Renner but I’m sure he is even shorter than me and JB, and that is SHORT.

    Am totally in for shitfest!!!

    Kidney

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      WELCOME BACK, KIDNEY!!!!

      YAY FOR US!!!

      Awesome! I’ll try and keep em coming : ) : )

      Wait ———– WOAH…. he’s SHORTER than you two????

      #pygmy

      YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

      Pappy!

      Like

  6. Tom

    You know I’m in for another shitfest. February sounds good. You know what doesn’t sound so good? (This movie!!!) Hahha nah, you may have swayed me actually. I’ll go into it expecting some cheese but maybe fun cheese. I think I’m mostly put off by the fact Hansel and Gretel got the semi-Tim Burton treatment. Imagine what that guy could do with this shit!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I hate this movie and I agree I hate typing out the word Janssen. It’s like how many s’s does it have, oh wait how many n’s. Anywho shitfest sounds fab your the shit-festival master, the ring leader of shit-festing… oh yeah baby!

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      I know!! I used to have a guy that worked for me with a last name of Janssen. It was THE WORST having to do his year end reviews!!!!

      #nojanssen

      WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!

      Like

  8. YEAH SHITFEST YEAH!!!!!! I’m totally in. 😀

    Had a feeling this would turn into a Gemma Arterton post. Lol. LOVE these nudity gauges, amigo. Very IPC. And, yes, Peter Stormare is a total movie slut. He does roles in EVERYTHING.

    Liked by 1 person

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