Happy Monday!! Who’s ready for their Monday Spankings???? Line up! OOOOOOOOOOH VHS VIRAL…. here you’ve come and gone…. TA TA!! Toodle-oo!! Hasta la Vista! Don’t let the door hit ya where the lord split ya. I kind of liked the first one – for what it was, I like anthologies… but I was disappointed with the second. I thought the second was way OVERDONE for it’s own good, but it tried. Now, here’s the third one which I found 75% lame and not really worth the time it took to watch it. Sorry guys, not my favorite. I’m going to break up with you over Text Messaging.
I suppose, instead of posting my notes that I didn’t take for this, I’ll make some remarks about the installments and, since I don’t know what they are individually called, I’ll just call them by what people will remember them by. Spoilers follow.
“The One With the Magician”:
This is by the guy who did DANCE OF THE DEAD which I liked probably more than I should have. An actor who shows up occasionally in horror movie inherits Harry Houdini’s cape and he finds instant fame by performing real magic. But it comes with a cost – the cape needs to “harvest” human bodies to keep going. All of which the magician records on his digital movie recorder which, for some reason, produces V/H/S tapes. Sometimes filmed like a documentary and sometimes filmed as a baffling “who the fuck is filming this fight scene”, this segment was pretty sucky, IMO, and I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
“The One With the HooHaw That Eats a Guy’s Head”:
This one is from the guy who made one of my favorite time travel movies ever: TIMECRIMES. In this one, a dude makes a machine that opens a portal to another dimension that’s exactly like ours, except it’s Hell. This is easily the best of the bunch even though it’s a little awkward when this woman opens up her robe and her lady parts eat her husband’s head. Strangely enough, this is also all filmed on a Digital Camera that has nothing to do with VCR tapes.
“The One With the Fucking Skateboarders that You Want to Kill With Your Own Bare Hands“:
This one follows three or four bags of puke as they skateboard, smoke dope and drink. I guarantee you’ll hate the fucks and won’t be able to do anything but wait for them to get torn to shreds by whatever those Mexican demons are in that canal. Note: filmed with GoPro cameras, these also have nothing to do with Video Home Systems that play V/H/S tapes.
Reacharound Wraparound Story With the Ice Cream Truck That Makes no Fucking Sense”:
This one starts off with two people filming themselves with a digital camera, being all cute and cuddly. Later, an Ice Cream Truck races through the streets and the girl mysteriously disappears. Our lead presumes she’s in the truck so he chases after it on a bike, filming everything. They pass some sort of Hispanic picnic where someone goes batshit and kills everyone, a perv in the back of a limo trying to get some girl to take off her panties and when he finally catches it, there’s no one in it but a bunch of computer monitors. His girlfriend comes on the computer and tells him to upload the videos to the internet and he does. Then it’s over and this really made me appreciate THE ABCs OF DEATH 2.