A few weeks ago, the weather here went from 70 F to 10 F one night and a lot of us here where I live got sick, including myself. I’m fucking allergic to EVERYTHING that pollinates so my sinuses are terrible pieces of shit and I am susceptible to sinus infections on a regular basis. So I got sick and had to call in to work so I wouldn’t cough all over everyone and I couldn’t go back to sleep so this left me with the “Sword of Damocles” decision on whether to watch daytime TV or head into Netflix streaming. Since my country was founded by Christian prudes it’s very rare to find anything dicey on daytime TV so I did go to Netflix and found something presented by Neil Marshall – the stud behind THE DESCENT. I looked it up and apparently this is directed by his wife so I pulled the trigger and went for it.
This starts off with a pretty good, butt clenching suicide scene but the comely woman is saved by her sister and next up she moves to this cottage in countryside England that has no phone. Before too long things are going bump in the night and her neighbors are real creepy about it and things are looking good. Then they introduce the fucking ghost. This ghost likes to do a lot of sitting and talking. The Ghost can also physically touch you and go into furniture moving rages if you rummage through his shit. The Ghost also wears a cravat and wants to make The Sex with you and if you don’t want to make The Sex back then he’ll up and fucking kill you so you’ll also be The Ghost and will live with him forever and ever in Ghostly, ethereal bliss.
Have any of you ever seen a porn? I know I haven’t but there’s a term out there for one of those porns that has, you know, a plot instead of people just pounding and humping each other for 87 minutes. It’s called a “Chick Porn” and it’s one where there’s a plot and the pounding and humping is replaced with gentle thrusting and kissing and jizz doesn’t go flying all over the place. I don’t know if this is true or not since I’ve never seen or bought anything like that on video tape but if I had to categorize this I would call it a Chick Ghost Story and I don’t mean that as an insult to any chicks who read this site, that’s just about all I’ve got here.
In any case, since we all like pretty pictures, here’s a graphic depiction of what I thought about this. Of course we all know what green, red and black stand for so I don’t think this needs much interpretation so let’s just call it a day and carry on.
Now – on to that request bit.
Some of you may have looked at the videos I put out over the last couple of months – and some of you might have even liked them. Well – I am sad to say that we might not get too many of those in the near future because my camera guy up and moved out of the building two weeks ago so there go my dreams of winning a prime time Emmy : ( : ( : ( and being able to get a role in the next True Detective.
But – after Luke put out the latest hysterical videos of himself getting wasted on wine and trying to answer trivia questions asked from an unknown voice behind the camera – I thought – HEY! I WANNA DO THAT!! So I asked my friend “Lem” if he would be willing to ask me some questions over Skype and I would record myself trying to get them right – and IF I got one wrong I would take a chug of something. He agreed and hopefully this will be good fun. I’ll even try and wrangle Scrotey into the game.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO the invite here is to ask YOU to send in some movie trivia questions to him (so I don’t know the answer – obviously). If you’re interested in trying to stump me and see me get sloppy drunk, please send them to:
HAHA!! Let’s go!! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!!
Also – look for a very special announcement right here at THE IPC on Wednesday!