I would like to say that this is one of those movies I found that I had never heard of that I watched and totally jizzed over it. I would also like to say that this movie was fucking fantastic and that I loved loved loved it and that it has broken me for any movie ever to come out in the future. I would also like to say that it has inspired me to do great things and go out and create the Isaacs Picture Conclusions Move Site Grant where I can donate thousands of dollars once a year to a particularly selected website of my choosing so you can pay off your school loans, your credit cards or your bookie. I would further like to say that this has given me The Resolve to go finish my script and work in Proper Earnest to get my movie made. I would like to say, in closing, that this has given me The Peace to make things good with those who I have pissed off and scorned.
But I can’t because most of this movie just wasn’t very good. I give it three Top Hats because it least it was slightly original for the horror movie world but this probably could have benefited from some of that fictional grant money I mentioned earlier and, I don’t know, tweaked some things. I don’t know if anyone is going to run out to their VOD terminals and rent this one so I might spoil things a little. Who knows where this will go. This movie was pretty uninteresting for most of its run, but, it DID have a couple of cool moments, something totally stupid, and a cool ending. This woman:
is married to a dude and, after a car wreck, she’s fucked in the head and blacks out and when she wakes up things are “different” around her. Like she blacks out on the couch and wakes up in the bed in different clothes and finds a bloody shirt in the wash. Or she blacks out on the couch and wakes up in the middle of the night and her husband has been murdered. But she wakes up again and he really hasn’t, he’s just late for work. Or she goes to her doctor-friend’s house and gets sick so she instinctively takes a conveniently-next-to-the-toilet pregnancy test and learns she’s knocked up. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!” She tells her husband who is all “I’m sterile.” and things get aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakward….
Here come the spoilers:
There’s this creepy Wes Bentley looking dude who lives across the street. We know he’s up to something funny because he’s creepy and has a boner for the cookies the blond lady gave him. After the husband leaves because she got pregnant and he’s shooting blanks, she installs a camera in her room. One night she decides to give the footage a look and creepy neighbor comes in there while she’s sleeping, give her a good rogering and kills her by slitting her throat. He then puts her back in bed and gives her a kiss and she wakes up in the morning, not, in fact, dead at all. And, in a huge plot hole, nothing is covered in any blood and her neck is just fine.
Apparently he’s been giving her (and a bunch of other women) a good Oinky Boinky and killing her ever since he moved in across the street and – ever since he’s been a kid – he’s had the power to bring dead things back to life by whispering “Come back to me”. I think that’s kind of novel and the end was actually really cool but, overall, I’m not sure this movie is that terrific. There’s a part towards the end that was absolutely a laugh but, I have seen much worse.