For long time Most Beloved Readers of this place, you’ll know (or might have forgotten) (or might have purged your memories with long, earnest drinking binges after looking out here) that there’s nothing I love more than horror movies and there’s nothing I love more in the sub genre than The Group Of Girls Trapped Somewhere Being Picked Off One By One. No one ever looks at that page no matter how many times I cite it – which is probably OK since I haven’t updated it in two years BUT – it’s there if you want to check it out – I’m particularly proud of my drunken attempt to review something on my iPad 1. Anyway – the TGOGTSBOOBO sub genre is the tits to me – literally – and when someone puts something like this out – I’m drawn too it immediately. These are totally my types of movies and I always feel like they are made just for me. I totally had fun with this, and:
I’ve tried to write two movies in my life – one is presented HERE (my movie treatment) to show what I thought of and the other – I actually hooked someone into helping me write the fucking script – never really went anywhere but it was totally a “sorority house massacre” type of thing – from the viewpoint of the Satanically possessed murder weapon – and the trilogy was to be called “KNIFE!!!” and then “POPE!!!” and then “CHRIST!!!“. A few of us worked on that for a while and then it petered out and now I’m still sitting on having produced nothing except for setting the bar very low at movie reviewing and poorly performing at drunk trivia. But – this isn’t about me and I don’t want to take anything away from THE SCAREHOUSE’ big night at the cotillion so – I really had a good time with this and I think they all had fun making it; there’s boobs and chicks slinking around in their skivvies, practical special effects, good fun and I met someone named Kimberly-Sue Murray who I just want to smooch smooch smooch. This movie = good stuff. And – that line from the poster up top – YES – BEST PILLOW FIGHT EVER!!!
This starts off with some sorority sisters videoing themselves talking about being sluts, fake boobs, having sex, dildos and all of that good stuff. What’s no to like about that intro? Then we cut to real camera action and two chicks (above) are setting up The Scarehouse – Haunted Houses we call them here – so visitors can come through and get their shit scared out of them. There’s two entrances – one for paying visitors and one for SLUTS. SLUTS like Ryan. Soon, a girl walks up the to the SLUTS entrance and is let in. Here, you might get a little confused at what’s going on since they string her up and kill her using a corset but it all works out later.
Throughout the night, more SLUTS show up and are greeted by these mysterious figures and may or may not be gruesomely murdered. One of my favorite scenes in this involves a big chase through the scarehouse and some girl on girl fighting and kicking. Will they kiss?? Who knows!! You’ll also learn what this is all about through the use of the flashback video clips which isn’t gimmicky here – it serves a purpose and proves that this is a well written script.
I really did like this movie and I think it was a lot of fun – it also looks like the people who made this had fun making it, which makes it more fun for me to enjoy. I loved Elaina, I loved that they didn’t go CGI and – I don’t know – I just really liked the whole thing. I don’t really have any gripes at all. I LOVED how it ended. Just always keep in mind:
#NoRoofies & #NoCorsets = #NoFun
Now – does anyone want to help me write KNIFE!!!, POPE!!!, and CHRIST!!!?????