Hello, hello! Yes, it is time. I, Zoë, from The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger, me, myself, and I… we are taking over The IPC today to bitch, I repeat, BITCH, about this sorry slop of a film, Amityville II: The Possession.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
What the ever-loving fuck?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!
I don’t know if I have ever been so aggro watching a movie. There was just so much wrong with this, and I will delve into that shortly.
I could not stand that prick of a father, Anthony Montelli. What a dick, and the worst of it all is that he was that bad a jackass before moving into the house, as evidenced by some freaky conversation where his son basically told us he knows his dad will beat him right to how he wants him. So don’t even put that shit on the house. Not only that, it wasn’t just alluded to. Later I had to watch that cunt whipping off his belt and beating his rugrats up when evidently they were not involved with whatever was going on. I don’t know, something I cannot abide by in life is an abusive person. Even more so when that person is a parent of a child. And how spineless was that dumb bitch mother, Dolores? Between the two of them, they just made my blood boil. Not to mention the indications that dad was forcing mom, too. The abuse did not contribute to the movie, not one iota, hence I have some serious issues with it.
Alright, then the relationship between brother and sister Sonny and Patricia was just a wee bit too incestuous to be comfortable with. As if I wasn’t already to sick to my stomach, naturally they would actually have to go fuck each other (Because, “Father, I went all the way with… a friend” – yeah right, you fucking hooker). Initially I figured he had forced her, though she willingly enough whipped her rack out in the bedroom. But no, she was not afraid of him, nothing like that. In actual fact, she wanted to bang him again. I mean EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!
I don’t know what I missed, but in the original Amityville Horror in 1979 and the subsequent 2005 Ryan Reynolds remake, strange stuff was happening but there was no actual possession of people going on? I don’t get it. It seems the rest of the Amityville movies are really pro this whole possession thing, which is whack. Goodness knows we don’t need more of those types of movies, they are a dime a dozen. This movie may have aimed to shock and garner the notoriety that The Exorcist was privy to, but instead it was simply offensive, with no story, no fear, nothing like that to lean on. What a sorry mistake for a movie.
Also, how heavy-handed was Amityvile II: The Possession?! Nothing was left so subtlety, nothing was developed with an atmosphere, everything was so in-your-face and frustrating and eye-roll-worthy. Ugh. From the off there were blood-puking taps, spinning beds, bump in the night, the works. Come off it…
The acting was vile and atrocious and some of the sketchiest I have seen in a really long time. The music was loud, irritating and grating. The pacing is all over the show. The movie blows the possession/murder payload around the halfway point, and then we have to watch this extremely slow, dragging account of how a possessed sister-shagger gets locked up for butchering his family, but the priest wishes to save him and make everything okay and they need to convince the courts he has some satanic being residing in his violated body and blah, blah, blah. Yes, feel my enthusiasm, rolling out of your screen in waves. Feel it.