WHAT UP, SHITFESTERS?
God, it feels good to throw Eric Isaacs back into his basement prison be welcomed back to The IPC with open arms to vent about another rancid film! For those of you who don’t know me, hello! My name is Cara, and I’d like to be your friend. Or, at the very least, I’d like you to listen to me rant. If you happen to enjoy my ranting and would like to read it on a regular basis, I run a little place known as Silver Screen Serenade, and you are welcome any ol’ time.
As always, I’d like to take a moment to provide a little prelude/warning for my regular followers: Cara rules over SSS, but during Shitfest, the villainous, rage-filled, foul-mouthed Dark Cara takes over, and it ain’t pretty. If you’re easily offended by strong language, turn back now, oh sweet and good readers!
…Mom, seriously, don’t read this. Like, for so many reasons, don’t read this. I love you. Goodbye.
…Okay, I think we’re good. YOU READY, MOTHERFUCKERS??? Because I decided to do something special for this round of Shitfest. I was tired of being tormented by terrible films all by my lonesome, so I somehow managed to rope my dear sister, Laura Jo, into this nonsense. She’s been my partner-in-crime for a series I refer to as Schuster Sister Shenangians—a series in which we watch a pre-selected movie at the same time and text about it. Since she’s on the East Coast and I’m in the Midwest, it’s been a great way to keep in touch.
But texting about this movie was agonizing. I blame my sister. I asked her to think of a movie she truly, deeply hated, and her response? Indiana Jones and the Shitty Kingdom of the Goddamn Crystal Skullfuckers. I may have tweaked that title a bit. What’s funny is we just finished up texting about the original three Indiana Jones films, which we love. But this…this is like the noisy, sour fart after a really great meal. It just ruins everything.
Ugh. Let’s get this over with.
Cara: T-minus 2 minutes. You ready for this miserable shit?
Laura Jo: GET READ FOR DISAPPOINTMENT BITCHES
C: Play…UGHHHH.
LJ: HERE WE GO
LJ: WHY IS THE OPENING A GODDAMN GOPHER
C: Thanks for practically smacking us in the face with the ‘50s, Spielberg, you subtle asshole.
LJ: OMG WHY ARE THEY KILLING ERREBODY
C: They deserved it. Everyone in this movie deserves death. I already need a drink…
LJ:
LJ: OMG OLD INDY
LJ: WHYYYYY
C: HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE AGED GODDAMMIT.
C: Also, who is this schmuck and where is Gimli???
LJ: RUSSIAN CATE BLANCHETT WHYY
C: This was Cate Blanchett’s very worst decision.
LJ: They are so CLEARLY on a soundstage
C: Oh God they are, aren’t they? That backdrop…yikes.
LJ: Ew his face jiggled when she slapped him
C: LOL
LJ: Also this script FUCKING BLOWS ASS
LJ: I’m already angry. JUST LET INDY REST IN PEACE
C: Seriously. My ears and eyes are bleeding.
LJ: And why the FUCKING HELL is he wearing the SAME GODDAMN OUTFIT
C: Right??? Why is everyone else in the ‘50s but him??
LJ: Button it up, Indy. You’ll catch a chill.
C: Also, no one wants to see your now grey-haired chest and likely flabby man boobs…
LJ: OH RIGHT. THE GUNPOWDER WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY.
LJ: Goddammit. I’m just going to yell this whole time.
C: Fill your drink up. You’ll need it. This piece of shit is 2 hours.
C: …Does Spielberg know how magnets work? Like at all?
LJ: Here’s my issue with the metal sticking to the box: they all have guns. All of them. Are any of the guns sticking?
LJ: NOPE.
C: Right?? At least be consistent if you’re going to be ridiculous.
LJ: Also ew. Whatever the hell is in that box it’s squishy sounding and gross.
LJ: Oh god, Indy in action.
LJ: It’s painful.
C: It’s devastating, really. His oldness.
LJ: And the betrayal of Mack.
C: Fuck Mack. Who IS Mack???
C: “Damn I thought that was closer.” Wince.
LJ: But of course he’s outrunning the entire regiment and falling through ceilings
C: Like, old man Indy’s back would’ve broken about 17 times by now.
C: Ugh. I could buy it when he was young but FUCKING STAAAHHHHP.
LJ: Ew then a bunch of people got incinerated?!
LJ: And again with the GOPHERS
LJ: WTF
C: I HATE THESE CGI BASTARDS
LJ: I think what pisses me off more than all the ridiculous action stuff is the blatant lack of character development. He’s 30 years older!!! Surely he’s changed in some way!!!
C: Right??? He is literally the exact same. It’s pathetic.
LJ: And then he stumbles upon the NUCLEAR TESTING SITE.
LJ: That’s a bummer.
C: Why would they waste money on cable in a nuclear test site???
LJ: BECAUSE SPIELBERG
C: Why does this even happen??? Such a waste of time and so DUMB.
LJ: And then he hid…in the fridge?
LJ: From a nuclear weapon?
LJ: …were there no consultations on this bullshit?
LJ: And GODDAMMIT PRAIRIE DOGS JUST STOP
C: AND THE GODDAMN GOPHER. WHAT IS THIS FUCKING GOPHER FETISH????
C: Shit are they prairie dogs? Oh wait never mind—I literally could not care less.
LJ: LOL
LJ: I just want this to be awesome so much
LJ: And it’s not
LJ: And I’m so sad that I’m
LJ: HENCE THE ALL CAPS
C: I know. It’s so disappointing.
LJ: Oh wait so he’s now a spy…a colonel?
C: I don’t know but I can’t take Janitor from Scrubs seriously.
LJ: Hahahahaha
LJ: That is the janitor from Scrubs! …and he’s being a duck to Indy!
LJ: DAMMIT PHONE
LJ: I NEVER, EVER MEAN DUCK
C: LOL
C: So Indy was a war hero…but that’s literally all we learn about what happened in 30 years.
LJ: How did Indy have time to be a war hero and a professor
LJ: Is that Marcus?
C: …Is it? I just know it’s Professor Slughorn.
LJ: OMG
LJ: IT IS
LJ: It’s not Marcus, he called him Charlie and then fired Indy
C: Hey this scene looks familiar…OH WAIT. IT’S A CARBON COPY OF RAIDERS.
LJ: DAMMIT SPIELBERG
LJ: Also, sad Sean Connery photo 😦
C: Aw Sean Connery… 😦
C: Oh fuck. And then there was Shia LaBeouf.
LJ: Oh no it’s Shia LaSHUTTHEFUCKUP
LJ: WHY is his name Mud
LJ: That is literally the worst name that could have chosen other than Shit or Balls.
C: Mutt. But still dumb as shit.
LJ: Mutt?!
LJ: Wha?!
LJ: What the?!
LJ: UNNGGH
C: Yeah. The worst. Even worse than Willie, maybe.
LJ: Never thought I’d miss that dumb broad.
C: LOL
C: Indy’s old is distracting me from his words.
LJ: Oh wait there’s exposition. Something about the Amazon and crystal skulls.
LJ: And Mutt’s mother is…someone?
LJ: And then the KGB came to the soda shop and they separated into greasers and preps?!
C: “Nice try kid but I think you just brought a knife…” *ridiculously drawn out pause* “…to a gun fight.” Bleh.
LJ: Also stolen from The Untouchables
C: And now old Indy is climbing through the car window. What. The. Hell. Grandpa.
LJ: And Indy on the back of Shia LaDouche’s motorcycle is not an image I need.
C: LOL
LJ: Oh that’s right, let’s drive straight through the protesters!
LJ: You fucking idiots.
C: Right? Also the protesters…why? Spielberg is trying way too hard for atmosphere.
C: MOTORCYCLE. IN. THE. FUCKING. LIBRARY.
C: QUIT IT.
LJ: JUST STOP
C: Also, that student asking questions was a huge tool.
LJ: And how is Indy an expert in literally everything?!
C: SHIT. My disc skipped. Where are you now?
LJ: He just started talking about the Nazca lines
LJ: My DVD is reading 38:17
C: Lol. 40:46. LIBRARY DISCS BLOW CHUNKS.
C: Pause it when you get there. And feel free to fill me in. Lol.
LJ: Omg okay I will perservere
LJ: So they talked a lot and found out the skull is in Peru
C: Ah. So that’s where I am now. Peru. Ha.
LJ: So they’re taking a plan and it’s a montage with frankly excellent music
LJ: And Shia LaDouche brought his motorcycle
LJ: Because douche
LJ: Apparently Indy was kidnapped by Poncho Villa at some point
LJ: Aaaaand…I’m caught up!
LJ: There are nuns now.
LJ: Umm has Shia ever swept with a broom before?
LJ: …hello?
C: OMG the reception here is fucking awful.
Yeah. So as if the universe were against this movie—which is very possible—all technology collectively failed. DVD player skipped and phone said, “AW HELL NAW.” So after much grappling with delayed texts, a phone call, and bright idea on Laura Jo’s part to turn to the interwebz, we began to GChat, and our torture began anew.
C: AND WE’RE BACK MOTHERFUCKERS
LJ: NICE TRY TECHNOLOGY
C: I BLAME SPIELBERG
LJ: This is some American Horror Story witch season bullshit.
C: OH GAWD MADAME LALAURIE IS FUCKING UP OUR SHENANIGANS
C: Ahhh there’s that broom you mentioned.
LJ: Yep. It’s as if that guy has never swept before.
C: He probably hasn’t. Goddamn privileged Even Stevens bastard…
LJ: Why are Indy and Shia out with metal shovels in a storm?
C: …How much better would it be if lightning struck them now and it ended?
LJ: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
LJ: WHO THE HELL ARE THESE DEMONS
LJ: GET THEE BACK
C: Skull faced ninja creepers?!?!?!
LJ: Did Indy just kill that guy by blowing that dart back backward in the tube back in to his mouth?
C: Yeah…
LJ: I literally gasped aloud.
C: My throat hurts now. Not even kidding.
C: It’s a sympathy ache. I FEEL MORE SYMPATHY FOR THAT DEAD ASSHOLE THAN I DO FOR MUTT.
LJ: …we aren’t even halfway.
C: HOW IS IT NOT EVEN HALFWAY YET???
LJ: All right, Mutt just got scorpion-stung!!
C: Yes. More of that, please.
LJ: So many skeletons and cobwebs.
C: They represent Spielberg’s decaying career…
LJ: LOL
LJ: What floor thing just happened? I feel like a floor thing just happened
C: Yeah a floor thing happened. Didn’t a floor thing happen in one of the others? Except a much better floor thing?
LJ: I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.
C: LOL. That’s the most emo thing you’ve ever said.
LJ: How does Indy not have a knife?!
LJ: The answer is THIS IS WRONG.
C: Also, EW DECAYING PERSON
LJ: STILL NOT AS DISTURBING AS THE MELTING PPL IN RAIDERS
C: Fair point. *shiver*
LJ: But ew golden mask corpse guy
LJ: The maw is what gets me
LJ: Oh wait, was the alien skull cleverly hidden in some blankies just under that dead guy?
C: LOL. I think so!
LJ: OH THANK GOD, IT HAS THE POWER OF MAGNETS.
C: Can I just say how much the alien stuff in this movie pisses me off? It is so, so forced.
LJ: Too. True.
LJ: Oh and they exit and the bad guys are waiting right there!
LJ: WE HAVEN’T SEE THAT BEFORE
C: And here’s Mack again. Seriously, WHO THE FUCK IS MACK???
LJ: Mack, you suck.
C: LOL. Precisely.
LJ: And stop calling him Jonesy!
LJ: NO ONE DOES THAT.
LJ: YOU FUCKING DICK.
LJ: Indy said, “eventually they’re gonna let me out of this chair comrade and when they do…I’m gonna break your nose.”
LJ: THAT WAS HIS THREAT.
LJ: I’M GONNA BREAK YOUR NOSE.
LJ: BOO FUCKING HOO.
C: That is def an old man threat.
C: Oh God Cate Blanchett you’re a badass in everything else I’ve seen you in but take that Russian accent and that wig and GTFO.
LJ: WHYYYY
LJ: What who the fuck is this hippie
C: Aww John Hurt no…don’t. Just leave this movie while you can.
LJ: JOHN HURT
LJ: NOOOO
C: GO BACK TO SELLING WANDS, JOHN.
LJ: PLZZZZZ
C: THE WORLD WAS A BETTER PLACE THEN
LJ: Seriously listening to Cate Blanchett speak in a Russian accent is making me want to yell at my neighbors
LJ: This movie is so bad
LJ: It’s not just that the script and plot are bad
LJ: It’s shitting on a legacy for 80s kids everywhere.
C: Exactly. It’s all manner of douchery.
LJ: I’m falling into the pit of despair here.
C: YEAH COMB YOUR FUCKING HAIR MUTT YOU LITTLE TWAT
C: MARION.
C: NO.
LJ: MARION
LJ: WHY
LJ: OH GOD WHY
C: TAKE JOHN HURT AND LEAVE
C: Ugh. This reunion scene is the worst.
LJ: Why. Are. You. Arguing. About. This. Now.
LJ: Not the moment folks.
C: RIGHT?
LJ: Marion surely you’re over him by now!!
LJ: You are a badass lady!
C: Marion would def be better than all that by now.
LJ: I think Cate Blanchett would piss me off less if the character wasn’t fucking one dimensional
C: SHIA LADOUCHE STOP TRYING TO LOOK LIKE YOU’RE CRYING
LJ: SOMEONE JUST SQUIRT HIM WITH LEMON JUICE FOR CRISSAKE
C: SOMEONE JUST GET HIM OUT OF THIS MOVIE FOR CRISSAKE
LJ: Quicksand?!
LJ: COME ON.
LJ: COME.
LJ: FUCKING.
LJ: ON.
LJ: Annnnnd, Shia is Indy’s son.
C: …This is literally the worst way to tell someone he has a son.
LJ: JUST KICK ME WHEN I’M DOWN, SPIELBERG.
C: Wait…Mutt couldn’t find a stick or something??? He’s using a fucking snake to pull them out???
LJ: And he keeps throwing the head of the snake at him?
LJ: Couldn’t he hold the goddamn head?!
C: Everything about this is terrible. Were the writers stoned the WHOLE time or just a good 2/3 or so?
LJ: Def the whole thing
LJ: B/c they were slowly watching their childhoods die.
C: Hahahaha it’s the truth
C: Wait wait wait—Marion and Indy were going to get married?!
LJ: And of course they have a 30-year-old lovers’ spat in the back of this truck
LJ: Family reunion!
LJ: This is so, so bad!
C: Seriously, if we ever watch one this bad again, we ARE making a drinking game out of it.
C: UGH. And now suddenly they’re in love again. Like…what?
LJ: THEY WEREN’T YOU
LJ: BLEEEEEUUUGGGGHHHYYYYAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
C: I projectile vomited everywhere.
LJ: So obvious. So disappointing.
LJ: Such a ploy.
C: I love John Hurt, but if he says “Henry Jones, Jun-e-yuh” one more time, I’m gonna lose it.
LJ: So many bullets, no one getting shot.
LJ: But sure, a high-speed fistfight!
C: Again, with young Indy, I’d go for it. But this…ugh.
LJ: Oh, hey, at least Mack is secretly CIA.
C: He’s still a dick.
LJ: LOL
LJ: Also they are in the jungle with NO ROADS yet still able to have a GD SWORDFIGHT
C: And now a double car swordfight. What. The. Actual. Fuck.
LJ: I’m so angry.
LJ: AND THEN SHIA GOT HIT IN THE JUNK BY A TREE STRADDLED BTWN TWO JEEPS
LJ: AND KEPT SWORDFIGHTING
LJ: Just. Kill. Me.
C: Only if I can die, too. Double suicide.
C: Or double homicide. Whatever. NO MORE.
LJ: And then, monkeys.
C: THE MONKEYS. AND LADOUCHE SWINGING THROUGH THE TREES. LITERALLY THE WORST SCENE IN THE HISTORY OF WORST SCENES.
LJ: Yes. It literally is.
LJ: There are absolutely zero redeeming qualities.
LJ: It’s like horrible Indy fanfiction.
LJ: And monkeys are clearly CGI.
C: Like, the CGI is a lead actor in this movie.
C: …Why is this movie still going?
C: ICK. Ant squash.
LJ: Cate Blanchett knee squish
C: Ohhhhh Gawd there it is. No one wants to see this death. No. One.
LJ: INTO THE ANT HILL
LJ: How is this vehicle still running
LJ: Oh no!
LJ: And over the cliff!
C: And the ridiculous number of waterfalls. Because everyone would survive this.
LJ: FALSE SPIELBERG.
LJ: Three times it drops.
LJ: And then Marion went crazy holding the disembodied steering wheel.
LJ: Just stop.
C: Seriously. They’re making her more like Willie than the Marion we know, and that’s dumb.
LJ: …And we’re back in a cave.
LJ: Also no matter what time period we always have incredibly elaborate torches.
C: It’s very true.
C: Aliens. Fucking aliens. I HATE THIS STORYLINE.
LJ: It’s the worst.
C: And the natives…emerge from the crumbling walls?
LJ: EW! Omg people from the walls!
LJ: What the hell!
LJ: …Are they just hanging out there?
LJ: Just in case??
C: Like, is that where they nap??
LJ: Omg. Come on. Let’s all just stop yelling for help.
LJ: THIS IS A FUCK UP, FOLKS.
LJ: AINT NO HELP COMING FOR NOBODY.
C: LOL. Definitely thought I just saw some guy’s balls. Happily, it was his throwing stones…I think.
LJ: Huzzah.
C: Although it would’ve been an interesting twist in a dull movie.
LJ: Also it’s convenient that they have an insane person who has all their answers.
C: Srsly. Indy has never had to work less. He needs more crazy friends.
LJ: NOT THE TIME FOR A TENDER MOMENT, YA WEIRDOS
C: Like, yeah, but…a SKELETON to stop that? WTF???
LJ: At this point I’m numb to the pain
C: LOL. Keep downing that drink.
LJ: Why do we want to open this giant door again?
LJ: Wasn’t old Indy the voice of reason when it comes to unknown bullshit like that?
C: Yeah apparently old age has made him less wise. Usually the opposite, but whatever…
LJ: I blame the writers.
LJ: UGH MACK
LJ: AND NOW YOU’RE A BAD GUY AGAIN
LJ: JUST COME ON MAN
C: Also, how did this bitch get here???
LJ: And here we are again, like Elsa and the holy grail
C: And now Cate Blanchett wants to know. Ugh.
LJ: I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
LJ: RIPPED OFF FROM STAR WARS.
C: FLY CASUAL
LJ: LAUGH IT UP FUR BALL
C: God, quoting Star Wars is so much better than all of this movie.
C: Cate Blanchett still wants to know. GALADRIEL, CHECK YOSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOSELF.
LJ: HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING FOLKS
LJ: NOTHING AT ALL
C: “Use your legs, Mack. I can’t do it alone.” THAT’S WHAT HE SAID.
C: And now the suddenly in the flesh alien. Sigh.
LJ: And Cate Blanchett dies from eye fire.
LJ: Typical.
C: LOL
LJ: And they’re helpfully expelled from that situation by some handy water pressure.
C: Just up to the surface in time to see the goddamn alien ship rise…in an Indiana Jones movie.
C: WHUT
C: Also, why the triumphant music? So does not fit.
LJ: Flying saucer.
LJ: FLYING FUCKING SAUCER.
LJ: Yelling at the screen.
C: WITH INDY. DOES NO COMPUTE.
C: “The treasure wasn’t gold. It was knowledge. Knowledge was their treasure.” I just puked.
C: Such. Bad. Writing.
C: And Mutt called Indy Dad. PUKED AGAIN.
LJ: I CANNOT
LJ: MAWWAIGE
LJ: IS WHUT BWINGS US TOGETHA
LJ: To collectively face palm.
C: LOL
C: OH NO. DON’T GIVE MUTT THAT HAT.
LJ: NOT FOR YOU, SHIA.
C: Also, Indy c’mon…wearing the hat to your wedding?
LJ: THANK GOD IT’S OVER
LJ: That was so painful
C: RIGHT? I hurt everywhere.
LJ: I just want to go to bed and dream of a better tomorrow.
C: Thank you for agreeing to suffer through this with me. I will never ask you to go through this again ever, I swear.
C: Dream of young Indy. Or young Han, who will also be getting old soon, but in a much more graceful way, let us hope.
LJ: Han. I will dream of Han.
LJ: Indy is too soon.
LJ: And for you , I would watch anything.
LJ: *except horror movies
If you made it to the end of this, congratulations—you are a trooper. You made it through this painful film with us, and you deserve a bottle of wine. Or whiskey. Or vodka. Or all three. Basically, whatever you need to wash away the memory of the horseshit.
Thanks for suffering with the Schusters.
Fuck this film.
LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve always loved the IPC, always. Today I hopped on here and saw the love of my life Chris Hemsworth ALL OVER THAT BANNER. I love it Cara!!!!
Great post! Sorry you and your sister saw that. I haven’t yet, and won’t, because I’ve been repeatedly told that Indiana Jones is a trilogy and I should never look at this one!
#ChrisHemsworth
#arms
#flexFlex
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Don’t fucking touch it Kidney, you will be the most unimpressed!
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JB!
LOLOLOLOL!!!
Love,
PSC
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Kidney!!!
As to the movie – I’ve actually seen this and it sucks ass.
As to the banner:
#pervs
#dongs
#filth
Pappy!
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Pappy!
I believe you, 100%!
#yes
#dong
Kidney!
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Kidney!!!
#sundaydongs
Pappy!!
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Thought a few people might appreciate that banner. 😉 OMG. Zoe is completely right–DON’T EVER WATCH THIS MOVIE EVER. It will make you want to hurt people, then hurt yourself, then spontaneous combust. My sister and I barely escaped this viewing with our lives…
#ChrisHemsWorthyOfAnIPCBanner
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Lady Cara,
THANK YOU for the pic of Benedict Cumberbatch. Soaking. Delicious. Hmmmm… almost made me forget that I came here to lament with you and your sister about this godawful film.
However, to get back to that, UGH. It was a bloody disaster. And Harrison Ford is just not the looker he was in his youth 😦 So sad. You both hated this, and you can see all that hahaha. Absolutely awesome entry ❤
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JB!
Isn’t this great???
#shitfestrules
Love,
SSC
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PSC,
You know it!!
Love,
IJB
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IJB!
It hopes It has a great weekend!!!
ISC
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ISC,
You must too!
Love,
JB
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HUZZAH!!!!
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Isn’t that picture of Benny DELIGHTFUL?? I’m not quite sure what he did it for, but DAMN am I glad he did. I figured he would be a nice balm after reliving this movie…because gaaaaawwwwwddddd is it terrible. And, yes, I miss young, handsome Harrison Ford so damn much. This was such an unpleasant reminder that people do, in fact, get old. Thank you and thank for suffering with us, lady!!!
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But of COURSE it is! As if I would argue… 😉
Ah, young Harrison Ford ❤
Bah, I don't ever, ever, ever want to have to do it again. Reading this was like I was watching it with you guys – why, cruel world?!
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#shitfestpains
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This was brilliant 🙂 so funny and I love bad fucking language!!!!!
I was reading this at work and when I got to the old-age-pensioner Indy picture I think people thought I was having some sort of fit. “Oi what you laughing at?!!”
“Erm….it’s hard to explain”
I really like the hot bloke pictures too ❤ ❤
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SHITFEST: Putting you in awkward situations since 2013!
A shitfest win!!
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AMEN!!!!!
#awkward
#shitfestwinning
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LOL. Omg, I LOVE that story. Don’t worry about those judgey coworkers–they don’t even KNOW. So glad you enjoyed, Emma!!! I’ll see if I can sneak some more hot men into Eric’s site in the future…mwahahaha. 😉
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They don’t even understand man!!! 🙂
I did enjoy it, so much! So funny 🙂 🙂
Definitely….sneak them in!! By the hundred! Ha ha ha.
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Working on it! Shhhhh don’t tell Eric… 😀
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Yay!!!!!!!!!! Oops…..I’ll keep it down…..
*whispers* yay!!!
🙂 🙂 🙂
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That was good. lol I could not make it through twenty minutes of this film. So atrociously bad, there are no words. Except yours of course. lol
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So you missed the part where he survived a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator…….?
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Indeed. Heard about it, for like the entire year it came out, but still couldn’t be bothered. La Beef was terrible and so was the script. Just couldn’t handle it.
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LePoof is an AWFUL actor…. I hate him… (although I didn’t mind him in Fury)
#honesty
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Yeah, I can’t stand him either, but thought the Rear Window remake he did was all right. Disturbia – dumb name.
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The best thing he was ever in in was that video those preforming arts people did about him – did you ever see that?
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No. Never even heard about it. Sounds strange.
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Let me see if I can go find it
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Should be on this post:
https://filmnerdblog.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/a-nugget-of-hilarity-in-your-internet-hole/
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That was absolute genius! lol That is now my favourite thing starring Shea Laboof.
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isn’t that just fucking hilarious????
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I don’t know how I ever missed that – so fucking funny! Love the little boy going (quiet quiet).
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YEP!!
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Oh man. You made the right call giving up after 20 minutes. It only goes downhill from there…
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I like to think I did. Most people seem to share the same opinion as we do. lol
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Are you crazy, Cara? This movie is the best of the series…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
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I know you said you were going to stop smoking cigarettes but I guess that didn’t mean you were going to stop smoking weed.
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LOL.
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YOU’RE DEAD TO ME.
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LOLOLOLOLOL
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Imagine a world where this movie wasn’t as poorly received and did well at the box office, then a series of sequels with Shia LaBeouf as Indy Jr. were made……….
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Is your new gravatar someone shitting????
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Heaven!
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Follow through!
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You’ll all be saying it one day!
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The British Invasion of 2015!
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I JUST VOMITED EVERYWHERE. OH GOD. CHOKING. THIS COMMENT IS GOING TO KILL M–
*dies with her last, horrible thought being about Shia LaBeouf as Indy Jr.*
*haunts Brian for the rest of his life*
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Hahaha! This is a real contender for Shitfest winner Cara. Excellent work here.
That tree swinging Monkey shit? WTF?!
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Sounds like a typical day in Campsie Glen………. : )
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Haha! Touché! 🙂
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Thanks so much, Mark!!! OMG. The monkey scene is seriously the worst scene ever filmed. I have no idea how anyone EVER thought that was a good idea. It hurts me…
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Funny, funny, funny stuff, Cara! Your ranting’s awesome and I sure do hope you mom didn’t read this, HAHA! Never watched this one and probably never will. I’m a nostalgic person staying true to the older flicks. With all do respect to Kate Blanchett, I would rather have all my curls cut off than watch this!
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LOL Reut!! Don’t cut those curls!!!
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Haha, never!!!
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WHOOP! and TOOT TOOT!!!
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You said it, Man! #Jewfro
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HA HA HA!!! Yes!!!
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Thanks so much, Reut!! LOL. Well, if she has read it she hasn’t said anything yet…I think she’d avoided my Shitfest entries in the past though. She knows it’s a side of her daughter she doesn’t really want to see…Oh man–you are so much wiser than I was when this came out in 2008. Should’ve stayed far, far away…Don’t cut the curls!!! Stay away from this AND the scissors!!! Hahaha.
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Haha, don’t worry… I won’t touch my curls… unless it’s a bet and involves a large amount of money 😉 great shitfest entry and I’m positive your mom would’ve loved it!!! It’s hilarious and who doesn’t like hilarious, right?
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Ha! Fair enough. I think I’d get a new ‘do for excessive amounts of money, too. 😀 Thanks so much, lady! As for my mom…heh. I’m not so sure she would’ve found this hilarious. But, hey, this was written for IPC readers. We are a very special breed. 😉
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I always get this confused with, Indiana Heisenberg and the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth…the dessert, the crystal skull made of meth, the gun violence… 😀
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Wait – are you talking about your hometown again???
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It’s an easy mix up. 😉
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This was funny and horrible. Shia is a freaking douche. I love the takeover pics YES and YES and more YES and more Henry Cavill. They need to make a song about him too!!
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PERVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#pervs
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TOTALLY!!!
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#ballers
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LOL. As long as that song isn’t as trippy as the Benny one…
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Love this Shenanigans stuff all the time! :)Whenever I see this movie on shelves, I just imagine it never happened. I own this boxset and I think I might have deliberately misplaced this DVD somewhere. I try my best to wipe out the reminder that I paid to see this ridiculous piece of shit movie at the theatres focusing on Mr. Spielberg’s latest obsession with aliens…..
*takes a deep breath* Okay, I’m calm…
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Oh my poor Kim!!!!!
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Haha! All good! 🙂
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Lol!!! Kim, that is EXACTLY the right attitude to have about this. Soooooo terrible!!!
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Jesus wept I’d forgotten about that gopher. What the fork was Spielberg thinking. Nothing good obviously.
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I think he’d spent too much bread on cocaine and hookers and needed to refill his folding money….
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Ah yes, that’d be it.
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Kind of like us last weekend!
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The gophers are the WORST. I used to find them cute–now I loathe them. Thanks a lot, Spielberg.
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This film made my duck and throwing stones sad
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LOL.
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Glad everyone enjoyed! …This one was rough.
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A LAURA JO COMMENT!!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOO!
You two are studs!!!
#chickstuds
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Schuster Sister power can overcome all. Thanks for being willing to suffer through this one again, sis. I ❤ you!!!
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Reblogged this on Silver Screen Serenade and commented:
Sh*t’s going down at The IPC!!! Go check out my entry for Eric Isaacs’ gloriously painful competition!!! WARNING: Contains lots and lots of bad language. Readers beware…
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THANK YOU CARA GALE STRUMPET TROLLOP HOOKER!!!!
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THANK YOU ERIC GIANTESS PROSTITUTE WOMAN OF THE NIGHT!!!!!
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#hugs #gropes #probes
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LJ: And Cate Blanchett dies from eye fire. <— just received my ab workout of the year from laughing over this line. There are SOO many amazing things said in this exchange but this is just. . . hahah. My god this movie is crap-o-la. I think the biggest tragedy is it's 78% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and it's modestly positive 6.2% on IMDb. Whoever was rating these things had a Crystal Skull hard-on for Spielberg.
Great, great rant here ladies. This was fun.
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LOL. Laura Jo will be happy to hear she helped keep you in shape. 😉 Yeah, why the hell are IMDb and RT being so damn nice to this one?! Bullllllshit. Glad you enjoyed, Tom! 😀
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This is amazing. And I highly approve of the new header!
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Thanks, Anna!!! We’ll see how long I can hack The IPC’s security and keep that banner up… 😉
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#pervsies
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I’m sorry you two had to sit through this (again!), but I’m also very glad you did because the result was craptastically awesome.
Also… Hullo Chris. You should come to the IPC more often. Where’s your hammer? Oh, it’s in your trousers, you say? My, what strong britches you must wear.
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LOLOLOLOL. Omg, V. If you ever actually meet Chris Hemsworth, PLEASE have this exact conversation with him. It’s magical.
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Hahahahaha! Willie!
Mmm…. Cumberbatch!
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#chillywillies
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Cumberbatch > Willie
It’s an understatement, but still so, so true.
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I do not want to see Shia LaBeouf’s willie. That’s all I have to say.
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FACT.
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I’m pretty sure that Spielberg and Lucas will be to our grand kids what Roger Corman is to us. The CGI looks shit now, imagine what it will look like to those poor bastards!
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Think of the children!!! THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!
#thehorror
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There’s plenty more childhoods to be ruined!
#ScaryBeardyMen
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THEHORRORTHEHORROR!!!!!
#nasty
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THEHEADERTHEHEADER!!
#Beautiful
#IdShagShitfest
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
#winning
#shagging
#epicshagging
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…Not gonna lie, I had to Google Roger Corman. Hahaha. Gees, I hope they wind up being better than that!!! Lol. Well, I hope they’re BETTER stuff is remembered rather than shit like this, anyway. You’re right about that CGI though. I mean, woof. So bad.
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I guess Spielo can be forgiven, but Lucas is cinema Satan and should be hated and feared in equal measure!
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LOL. So true!! Fingers crossed that Abrams can get Star Wars back on track!!
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Star Wars is like an abused dog. Kicked around and then simply abandoned by it’s horrible and greedy owner. I hope it’s now found a new loving home.
Poor Star Wars…
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Wow what a shitty review Cara and Laura Jo! 🙂
Perfect for Shitfest and I think it was wise for u guys to keep the Indy movies as a trilogy and save this one for now!
Nicely done!
Eric – If this wins, does that mean that you will give BOTH Cara and Laura Jo another Miguel? 🙂
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Haha thanks, Rob! We actually didn’t specifically save this for Shitfest–I just asked my sister what movie she truly, deeply hated. This was her answer. We never intended to touch KotCS, but then it seemed pretty perfect for this. Now we will burn our copies of the DVD, bury them in the ground, and hope they never, ever come back to haunt us…
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LOVED this Cara! I still want to be an honorary sister. I’m such a lonely only child… 😦 *sniff* FYI – I DID see the beautiful header that went with this – I was just away then and not able to easily log in to comment. ; ) Woohoo! Hems!
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I knew you’d like Hemsy. 😀 You can totally be an honorary Schuster Sister! Stay up late and text with us!!!
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