THIS ENTRY SUBMITTED BY THE VOLUPTUOUS:
Shitfest 2015 – The Expendables
Once upon a time, a young man named Sylvester Stallone had dreams of becoming a film star. It was a good dream and over the years he made that dream come true. But as he was getting older, he realized that he had so much more to give. After all, he had had a long and storied career, one that any up and coming actor or actress could be envious of…
…but it was not enough. What more could he do? What could he gift to humanity that would last through the ages? What film could he make that would forever cement his legacy among the greats like Bogart, Cagney, Monroe and more? Then it came to him. Where were all the great action movies? Who was filling the needs of the testosterone-fueled hordes? It had been a while since he had seen a real action movie on the big screen, one with guns, big guns, and men of girth and great muscular proportion. Big, oily, sweaty men.
Where were the heroes that inspired millions?
He had no idea, but he aimed to find out and then he aimed to make a movie with all of them. If he could do that it would be the greatest movie ever made.
And so… he did. Sort of. He could only get a few, so he figured why not get some of today’s action stars to beef up the cast? That could work.
And then pad it out with whoever was available.
So, the movie got made and all of his dreams, old and new, had finally become a reality. Except…
It was true. The movie sucked so hard it drained ten herds of cattle dry of all their milk. Rivers evaporated, the polar icecaps started melting yet somehow, it made money. It was the ‘promise.’ It had the ‘Transformers’ factor. It was a film that everyone wanted to see because there was no way that it could be bad, yet somehow inextricably was.
So now what, Stallone thought? Hmmmmm…. That’s it! He had it! Make another! There is no way it could be as bad!
And then… another!
What could go wrong? It worked for Michael Bay, it could work for him.
– A fairy-tale from The Telltale Mind.
(From the Editor – do you ever look at tags? Wonder what all of these random tags are about? If you’re curious, click HERE – my and my old buddy Mister Jizzbutt did something funny once : ) )