Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HALF ASS REVIEWS: NON-STOP AND LONE SURVIVOR

HAR

Well, here we are and Shitfest is over, for the most part. LAMENT LAMENT LAMENT!!! CRY CRY CRY!!!! But, I suppose, we must put our chins up and press on. I’ve done these types of posts before but, I believe, I am going to try and do them regularly.  I’m thinking about every Monday. I don’t know if you’ll like them or not but I kind of like writing them so, maybe they’ll help alleviate our Monday Blues and Hangover Poops. And press on we do (doo doo)!

PRESENTING: HALF ASS REVIEWS (Monday)

NON-STOP (2014)

NONSTOP1

Liam Neeson calmly texts his way through a movie about an airplane hijacking:

AGENT: Yo Nees, how’s it going at the shoot?
ME: LMFAO
AGENT: U gettin paid?
ME: LIKE A FUCKING BOSS
AGENT: Doin any work?
ME: LMFAO
ME: WANNA SEE A PIX OF MY COCK

ANONYMOUS: HI!! : P : P 🙂 
ME: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS
ANONYMOUS: I BROUGHT U UR SMOKES THIS AM : p : p : – )
ME: BLOND? BIG TITS?
ANONYMOUS: YES!! : D : P : D : – )
ME: WANNA SEE A PIX OF MY COCK

DIRECTOR: R U GONNA DO ANYTHING IN MY FILM
ME: HOW ABOUT YOU FUCK OFF
DIRECTOR: ITS IN UR FUCKING CONTRACT TO ACT
ME: WANNA SEE A PIX OF MY COCK

Non-Stop

LONE SURVIVOR (2013)SURVIVOR1

Marky Mark decides to reunite The Funky Bunch and do a USO tour, reigniting patriotism in America and furthering the War Propaganda. Being the celebrity that he is, he doesn’t read the fine print in the contract and,  while performing a gyrating, hip thrusting rendition of “Good Vibrations” in Afghanistan, he rips his tear-a-way camo pants off and exposes his huge junk.

SURVIVOR3

The village women have never seen a penis that size so they tear off their chadars and go wild, storming the stage. This upsets the men of the village so they take up arms and chase The Funky Bunch through the mountains of Afghanistan, eventually leaving the band with one choice: jump off a cliff or face the firing squad. Off they jump and the rest is history.SURVIVOR2

And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.

Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me 

211 comments

  10. table9mutant

    Hmm. I had zero interest in Lone Survivor but NOW I wanna see it! I saw Non-Stop last year. I think it’s one of only three movies I went to then didn’t review. It was just too fucking boring! Couldn’t be arsed. : )

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  14. sweetarchive

    Marky Mark!! HAHA!! It takes a genius to bring his nostalgic ass like that, Eric!! Kudos for yet another brilliant post, My friend. I would join in, but I can’t keep up with your awesome sense of humor There shall be only one IPC 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  17. caragale

    These pretty much sound exactly like I expected. Although Liam Neeson’s dirty texts did take me by surprise a bit…Anyway, nice work, Giantess! And thanks for that Marky Mark pic. Yowza. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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