MUNICH (2005)
Once again, Steven Spielberg gets in the Director’s chair to weave an award winning saga about a certain era in the history of the world – this time he takes on the underground world of Germany’s Sex For Food Societies. According to Spielberg, M.U.N.I.C.H, or Men Undressed and Nude, Incorporating Culinary Housings, was formed by Adolf Hitler in 1935 to develop more powerful and strengthening recipes for sauerkraut and braunschweiger to feed to his troops as they marched through Europe. After eating these new forms of M.R.Es (Meals Ready to Eat), we are shown, his soldiers would be invincible up to and including rising from the dead if they were killed in combat, as well as never having to waste precious time on the battlefield by having to do things like take a shit.
Shortly after the Allies defeated the Axis in WW2, and Hitler’s death, the program was disbanded and the recipes burned in the Wiener Schnitzel deep fryers, covering up their formulas and secret ingredients for all of eternity. Spielberg goes on to showcase how, after everything had calmed down somewhat and the Berlin wall was erected, former members of the SS began to meet in secret, in underground basements and abandoned military kitchens to try and recreate these formulas, not wearing a stitch of clothing so as not to even let a minuscule piece of thread taint the concoctions. Further, as the cooks were always getting sweaty over the sauerkraut steamers and talking about taints, it was inevitable that they would have massive orgies shortly before dawn when they had to vacate the premises.
He then switches gears to the Swinging 70s were everyone was on birth control and anyone could screw who they wanted and no one had any money because they were all pot smoking, acid tripping hippies. Apparently, the generations of M.U.N.I.C.H descendants threw lavish Food Orgies outside the eyes of the German Chancellor where youths could flash a secret sign at a barred door and be let into what meager kitchens and dining rooms that were available. There, they would be fed all manners of sauerkraut and braunschwieger until their bellies were plump and full – with the only stipulation that they Sex the M.U.N.I.C.H.s until the M.U.N.I.C.H.s were god damn well satisfied. And NOTHING was off limits.
To end the longest Half Ass Review ever, Spielberg concludes that these Societies are still alive and thriving today, impregnating men and women all across Europe and Africa and warns that they….. MAY BE COMING TO YOUR HOME TOWN!!!!!!
THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991)
Continuing with our food themed Half Ass Review post today, The Last Boy Scout finds the late Tony Scott directing Bruce Willis and one of the infinite Wayans brothers as recently graduated Webelos who infiltrate the headquarters of The Girl Scouts’ cookie making factory and steal off with thousands of boxes of Peanut Butter Patties ®. That’s a registered trademark so I hope I don’t get sued but back to the movie, where Wayans and Willis – hereby referred to as W W EZ BRITCHES – hole up inside a football stadium to see who can eat the most of those Delicious Delights.
For an hour and a half we watch them chewing and chewing, occasionally swapping wise-ass one liners until Wayans passes himself into a sugar coma. Undaunted, Willis continues to eat carton after carton after carton, making it very uncomfortable for the two football teams playing their game around him. As the movie closes, Willis, now 40 pounds heavier, shits all over the fifty yard line and leaves saying, “Dance a jig on that, Mother Fuckers!” End of movie.
In the Post Credits scene, Willis is shown using a world record FOUR rolls of toilet paper cleaning his enormous, bumpy, uncaring ass.
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me
Love these half ass reviews, always make my day.
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HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY!!!
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And a happy Monday to you Eric.
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I hope you have a great week!
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Thanks Eric, its probably gonna be a revealing and raunchy week for me, all part of the work.
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Excellent!! I took the day off so me and the dogs are going to go watch a movie in bed!
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Sounds so relaxing Eric.
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Should be, my friend : )
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You’re so lucky getting a good relax, I could use one very soon, hehe.
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Pappy!
YES!
Kidney
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Kidney!!
WHOOP!!!
Pappy!
P.S. That list you asked for would be very, very, very short : )
#likeyou : )
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Pappy!!
YAY!
HAHAHAHA #short
#Ilikeyoutoo
Kidney
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I started reading Munich and then was like.. What?! lol Great stuff. Obviously, you enjoyed both films. 🙂
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HUH??? WHAT??? HUH???? : )
I did – but what can I say about them that hasn’t already been said?
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True story! Yours would have made far more enjoyable movies as well.
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HAHA!!! YES!!!
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I like The Last Boy Scout review! But Thin Mints are better… 🙂 I can’t read Munich as I am assuming it’s full of genuine spoilers & I’ve not seen it yet… 😉
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LOL my review of Munich has absolutely nothing to do with real movie….. Or does it????????
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(I was being a smart ass) 😉
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Didn’t I ask you yesterday not to play tricks on old men???
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Hi Pen!! Excellent half assed reviews 🙂
Happy Monday!
Love Clam 🙂
P.S I love Munich!!
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Clam!!!!!!
Ha ha thank you!!!
I hope you had a great weekend!!
#mrbabadook
Love Pen
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#don’tlethimin!
Love Clam 🙂 🙂
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GROSS…………….!!!!!!!!!
#fucktraining
#tars
Love Pen
(That’s from interstellar : ) )
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Lol GROSS! I love that 🙂
#fucktraining
#woointerstellar!!!
Love Clam :))))
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: )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
#grosstraining
Love Pen
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I was training how to be gross!!!!
Love Clam 🙂
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
#never
Love Pen
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#pensforever
Love Clam 🙂
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WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Love Pen
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I was looking forward to seeing how you tackled the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
I wasn’t disappointed.
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Nothing but fair and true reporting here, sport.
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SAMOAS 4 LIFE
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Clean up on aisle 3!
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What a film The Last Boy Scout is! “If we go any faster we’ll go back in time” -what a line!
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Classic!!!
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Dear PSC,
Great collection!
Love,
JB
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Dearest JB,
WHOOP! THANKS!
Love,
SC
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This sounds MUCH better than the version of Munich I watched.
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Perhaps we should pool our lunch money for a week or so and make it?????
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Only if I can write, direct, star and sing the theme tune.
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Sounds good to me!! I’ll just stand around in the background and look pretty.
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You know what you’re good at!
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Yep!!!!
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Never seen either, Eric, but my appetite sure is strong now! I’d be happy to contribute a half ass review, but would have to pick the proper film to do it. I’ll email you. Have the best Thursday ever!!!! #smooooooooooch
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YOU GOT IT, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#cantevenwait
#smooooooooooooooooooooooooch
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I knew nothing about these. I feel so educated now!!! Also, THANK YOU for calling them Peanut Butter Patties!!! I’m always so thrown when people call them Tagalongs. What the fuck is a Tagalong?! Give me Peanut Butter Patties, dammit!!!
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
#peanutbutterpatties
#loveyou
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#xoxoxoxo
#fucktagalongs
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
#xoxoxoxoxoxo
#fuckingtagalongs
#peanutbutterpatties
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