Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE FINAL TERROR (1983) PLEASE READ….

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A couple of weeks ago I watched a movie called CAMP MASSACRE that I still haven’t written about and tweeted to a handful of people that might like it, including my good friend Laura over at Film Nerd. A few days later she replied back and asked me if I was talking about the movie I’m writing about today and I was all “no it’s this movie” and she was all “OH OK!” and she started watching CAMPΒ and wasn’t liking so I felt really bad. I had never heard of this particular movie she mentioned but the poster looked shit so, since I felt bad, I told her I’d do my penance and watch this damned thing to pay for my crimes and found it on youtube and gave it a look. More to come on this but I wanted to point out that if anyone ever cared about what I intend to write about, I put a little thing at the bottom left (on a PC) of my site called “SHIT I NEED TO WRITE ABOUT”. That’s mainly a note to myself so I don’t forget about what I’ve seen and am so slow to get to.TFT2

This movie starts off pretty shit with Joey Pants (Joe Pantalonio) making a bunch of noise with a baseball bat on some steel cots, screaming and making a big fuss. Those of you who know me know I don’t care for a bunch of commotion, so I was really put out and dreading my decision here. Then I noticed the guy from those old Twisted Sister music videos and a couple of meatheads from some old 80s movies and I was getting a little interested. These guys are forest rangers and they plan to go clear out a river and then float down it like studs – but not before picking up some chicks for a little weed smokin’ and ballin’.TFT3

When we meet the chicks I notice a young and still hot Daryl Hannah and – WOAH – there’s super smokin’ Rachel Ward and soon they’re working in the river and then it’s night and scary campfire stories and this was actually getting pretty interesting. Soon, people are Doing It and someone gets killed and the bus won’t start and this was getting kind of fun. There’s an interesting take on a cabin in the hills and these people don’t just sit there waiting to get killed and I had a good time with this. I don’t think this will be anyone’s favorite movie ever but I liked it for the most part. The last few minutes (maybe the last ten or so) are really kind of fun and relatively creative for 1983 and I was left feeling good about this.TFT4

Has anyone else seen this thing?? Did you see it when you were a kid? It’s not uncommon for me to have not heard of anything but this was a good surprise. Maybe not quite as good as THE BURNING which I had also never heard of, but fun nonetheless. Β I think you probably already know if you’ll like this or not based on the premise and the time period (80s slashers) but I would watch it again. It’s on youtube for free so there’s another bonus. I’ve definitely seen a LOT worse than this – I’m looking at you, SLAUGHTER DAUGHTER and you MAD COWGIRL.TFT5

When I tweeted Laura that I was excited Rachel Ward was in this and she was young and sexy she was all “Um, yeah. Never heard of her…” so – here’s a refresher to all of you youths!!!TFT6

134 comments

  1. Very juicy review. I read it because it said to do so in the title.

    A film just popped into my head when you asked if anyone had see this in paragraph 4, line 1, words 1 to 15. I tried to think if I had, but got distracted by another 80s slasher I’d seen. I can’t remember what it was called or anything, I just remember it was set near a lake and at the end it turned out the whole thing was a big hoax and all the victims came back laughing and stuff. Have you or anyone else seen this or did I just dream it?

    You slag.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Eric! You’re such a good sport for watching this, especially after I gave up half way through Camp… I tried this one too but only got a few minutes in and I was kind of confused – why was a bunch of kids out in the woods with some rough looking lumber-jack types?

    I keep meaning to get back on here and start writing some shit up but I just can’t seem to get motivated. I’m keen to do something on Coherence though, since it was so good and everyone should see it. #everyone

    Liked by 1 person

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