Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HALF ASS REVIEWS: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN AND ZODIAC

HAR

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (2007)

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In NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN a man with a woman’s hairdo (or a very ugly woman {it’s hard to tell}) chases a guy around Mexico and South Texas trying to get back a suitcase filled with white tube socks. The tube socks were stolen from a Mexican dude dying out in the hot prairie heat and goddamn it do those Mexicans want them back. Tube socks are very good for people wearing cowboy boots and, due to the U.S. / Mexico Cotton Embargo of 1971, the fabric is not allowed across borders in either direction. A lot of politicians here in The States have been debating about this for 40 years – calling it “Illegal Immigration” when, really, that’s not it. They just want some fucking comfortable socks to wear under their boots so they can work here and do the jobs no one else wants to.

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On a side note, last year we got a new “facilities lady” that cleans the place up at work. She’s Hispanic and I’ve never really had to tangle with her but the other day she got on the elevator with me and I noticed she barely comes up to my rib cage. Then she bent over to tie her shoe and her boob flopped out of her shirt. I didn’t really know what to do so I panicked and called 911. By the time the cops got there, I was already securely resting (and hiding) in my office and she was back to wiping down the glass doors in the atrium. Weird day!!

ZODIAC (2007)

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A wimpy cartoonist, an alcoholic reporter and a cop who likes to wear bow ties investigate the mystery surrounding the closet doorknobs of THE IPC’s master bathroom. Who made them? How much did they cost?? Is there something behind them aside from the Zodiac symbols???? Why didn’t the lazy mother fucker who painted the stain do a good job??? Why is the painter me?????

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David Fincher directs this thing and never really answers any questions, leaving the movie open ended for the viewer to make their own opinions. Was it the bald guy from The Drew Carey Show? Was it the suspicious movie organist?? Were there two of them in cahoots? Was it Kim???? Was it Film Nerd???? Was it Vinnie???????? Was it Vampire Placebo???? We’ll never know because, according to the text cards at the end of it, Fincher died of a heart attack and took the secrets to his grave. FUCK!

And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.

Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me atΒ ei@theipc.meΒ 

 

180 comments

    • theipc

      I don’t even know what that means, you cocksucker, but no.

      BTW – I took the dogs for a walk yesterday and the ragweed growing in your yard is killing me. Will you buy some weedkiller for fuck’s sake???

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m a bit gutted I missed this conversation as it was all going off!!

    My money’s on Colonel Vinnie – in the library with the candlestick.

    Great half assed reviews Pen and that picture of the man with a woman’s haircut – WOW! What an amazing picture. Quite a ……..face he has there! Love it!!

    I didn’t enjoy No Country for Old Men as much as some people, though it has its moments (and some good cast) I haven’t seen Zodiac.

    We have a handyman at work called Eugene. He was walking around the other day and his willy fell out.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Ha! Love it! Great post.

    I saw No Country when it came out and I remember thinking “pff, well, that was all a bit slow and dusty and disappointing” and also “what the actual shit? everyone else thinks this is THE SHIT? But I just think it’s KIND OF SHIT”. Well, maybe that’s a bit strong but you get my point. Anyway, I watched it again recently and came to pretty much the same conclusion.

    I also saw Zodiac and remember liking that a lot more than No Country but it’s quite long and then when you never really find out what happened because sometimes that’s the way life goes and this is based on a true story so but what the actual shit? That kind of annoyed me. After such a long film, about such a gruesome subject I felt like I wanted some (I hate to use such a wanky term)…closure.

    Liked by 1 person

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