Well… here we are again Most Beloveds! On the day I am writing this, it’s a Saturday afternoon and we’ve been snowed in all day. The roads are undriveable and it’s really fucking cold as shit and we’ve been stuck inside all day. And for some reason I woke up at 6:45 on a Saturday morning. So far today, I’ve watched: an episode of Last Man Standing, an episode of Modern Family, an episode of The Greenbergs, The Grand Budapest Hotel (again), Let’s Kill Ward’s Wife and two eps of The Americans (S1). We’ve probably burned through 80 logs of wood in the fire place and MRS THE IPC is currently watching Big Hero Six. I needed a break from the couch so I am having a cocktail and trying to think of how to approach this dreadful movie that some people seem to like. I know we all have our own opinions and all of that but this is my place so I can say what I want but – this movie was pretty dreadful IMO and really had nothing that appealed to me whatsoever. Let’s see what we’ve got….
P.S. Before I forget – there’s one person who looks at this site occasionally that has refused to see Grand Budapest because he or she hates Wes Anderson. Well, Sir or Madame, for real, Budapest is hilarious and I’ve been out on Anderson since Bottle Rocket so – you should give it a shot. Not looking at it for that reason is about as rational as me not seeing Nightcrawler because It’s OCD can’t take JG’s hairdo.
Back to the movie – about two years ago this guy named Tyson ran a rather popular site called Head in a Vice. He had rabid fans and would get thousands of views per month and then he went off and made a baby and disappeared from our lives forever. Aside from that last sentence, one day I was minding my own fucking business and he came around and posted about this movie and went on and on and on in his British way about how much he liked it and – because he was my online buddy – I told him I’d watch even though I had been forever disappointed in almost every single one of the AFTER DARK HORRORFEST movies. He called me something like “a wanking arsehole tosser” who lived with “Rosie Palmer and her five sisters” and I laughed it off and never looked at it, until the other day.
I know Tyson popped back up into our lives about six months ago and then promptly disappeared again (and quit Twitter) so I don’t know if he’ll ever look at this piece but I thought this movie was fucking pointless, stupid, insipid and – dare I say it – a wanking cunt tosser of a movie. For real. This thing starts off with the chick at the top chained up in some basement. She wiggles her half clothed body free and tries to escape. She hears someone moaning behind some locked door. She opens it. She dies an untimely fucking death. OPENING CREDITS. Fade in: Some gay kid is recording his life “for school”. His parents are dead, his Alpha Male oldest brother is also gay (I’m not saying that because I give a fuck about that lifestyle, it’s plot points in the movie) (he only loves – and eats – men), his other older brother is a fucking douchebag and his older sister is a fucking nutcase.
Hopefully I remember to preface this post with the word spoilers but I might not so here’s the deal – they eat people. They have to move around a lot because the middle brother is careless and a dipshit but the thing is, they eat people. The middle brother and the sister also make out with each other in front of their potential dinner, but, if we get down to the point, they eat people. YAY!! The copy I watched wasn’t HD, I hated all of the characters and the story and the gist of this movie was that we got to follow a few uninteresting days in the uninteresting lives of uninteresting people who eat uninteresting people. LAME! And, they made a sequel.
I do give it up that the poster looks cool but I am also at a loss as to all of those awards on it but… I thought this movie was not fun whatsoever, looked like shit, had terrible characters and the big “what the fuck is chained up in the chained up closet” was rather idiotic. Out here we keep it in perspective and realize that this movie is better than THIS movie or THIS movie – but this movie was crap. One Top Hat for being made and One Top Hat for not being THIS.
Love,
eric
I miss Tyson, I hope he comes back to the blogosphere, I thought his work was excellent.
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I know….. talk about a total disappearance…..
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He is definitely missed.
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yep…..
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By the way, excellent review as always Eric.
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Thanks, Ace!!!
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Don’t mention it Eric, I had to take a rest from the raunchy conversations of fantasies. I was getting too hot.
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I know that feeling – my whole office got steamy….
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Because of me? Well I’ve never been told that before.
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heh heh heh heh
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What did people in your office say Eric?
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Lucky – I have an office to myself : )
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Ooh that sounds good. Is that so you’re not busted watching porn by anyone? hehe.
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HA! Mainly because they didn’t have anywhere else to put me when they moved us up to this floor : )
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Is that really the reason? I tell you what, I wouldn’t mind an office to myself. I could do whatever I wanted in it.
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It really is – we were on the second floor for a bit (in cubicles) and then they moved a call center in there and moved us to the third floor where the individual offices are…. but don’t worry – they’re kicking us out of this building at the end of the year and we’ll be back to desks….
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Oh that’s a shame, cherish the memories of this office Eric.
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YEP!! I wonder what’s going to happen to my blog if I have to sit in the middle of a bunch of people….
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It may become G-rated. Perish the thought.
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I very much appreciate the kind words my friend, I’m happy to report I have returned, and hopefully I can get some of you former readers to head over and read more of my excellent (your words not mine lol) work. Nice to know I was missed, means a lot, thankyou 🙂
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So happy to hear from you again Tyson.
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Good to be back. Hopefully you’ll hear much more from me!
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I hope so, I must sign off for the night now. But hopefully I can catch up with you tomorrow. So excited that you’re back buddy.
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Thanks, I mean that. Just re-followed your blog (as I need to do to everyone lol) and look forward to catching up soon.
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Talk to you soon buddy.
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I look forward to seeing you around my blog.
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I was going to check this out – you’ve saved me some time. I have the second one to this on DVD… The Thompsons? It was fucking shit as well!
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This movie was bullshit….. I don’t know how they even garnered a sequel but…. Screw that!
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It sounds like bullshit! I can’t believe they did a second… some people just don’t get the hint!
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Shit on that shit!!!
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The Thompsons was fucking brilliant, much better than this one. But what do I know, since I recommended this to Eric 🙂
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Maybe I should give it another watch? It was a while ago now. I just found it boring! I might still watch this one, Eric could be lying to me 🙂
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I never lie……… The Hamiltons was garbage…
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You better not lie to me Eric! Garbage – love it! I would say rubbish 😉
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I would never lie to you, baby!!
#groping
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You better not or I’ll chop you up!
#gropes
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#vans
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#vansandmasks
we should make a band called that
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And The Groping Lobster Award : )
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Got to find a picture of a lobster groping someone!
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Don’t know why they resonated with me so much, but I dug them both a lot. Chances are if you agree with Eric a lot you will never agree with me 🙂
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I guess we all have those films that resonate with us but not many others. I don’t always agree with Eric 😉 Sometimes he’s wrong haha!
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But you LOVE me!
#right
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Of course I LOVE you, but you might be wrong!
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Never!
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We’ll see Eric 😉
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Okie Dokie ZOBO!
#quarter
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Zobo Baggins. #dime #garbage #pants #couch
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HAHAHA!!
#rubbish
#petrol
#tellie
#football
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Hahahaha! #soccer #sidewalk #fries #subway
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LOL
#bollocks
#pints
#knickers
#thequeen
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#ihatethequeen
#obama
#trashcan
#cantthinkofanymorewords
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#icanteitheranditstimeformysmokebreak
#puffpuff
#dna
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#wearerubbish
#enjoyyoursmoke
#iwantmysmoke
#stealingdna
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Rubbish!!!
#wearyourrubbers
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Trash!
#rubberglovesorwellies?
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Garbage!!
#ithinkyoucallthemwellies
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#youknowitswellies
#rubberfeet
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Ahem! I don’t like Wes Anderson either. I found The Royal Tannenbaums and The Life Aquatic both intensely irritating. So I’m not going to watch Grand Budapest Hotel. So there! 😛
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Ashley!!!!
I haven’t liked an Anderson film since Bottle Rocket but I tried GBH and liked it…. NYAH!!! : ) : )
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Hahaha! YES! Another Wes Anderson hater! 😉
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Silly women….
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Stubborn man!
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Women!!!
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Men!!!
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: ))))))))))))))))))))))))
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😀
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OMG QUIT THE HATE!!! …Sorry, Ashley–I have been scolding Mutant about this for way too long. Lol. GBH is fantastic on so many levels. Anderson can be hit or miss with me, but this is his best by a landslide. Much more accessible than his other stuff. Give it a shot!!!
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Hmmm, maybe I will . . .
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Hold on, grievous bodily harm is fantastic on so many levels?! 😉
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You’re not allowed to talk smack until you’ve seen it. If you watch it and hate it, THEN I will permit this blasphemy. 😛
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I don’t hate much in general. Except maybe The Big Lebowski. Further sacrilege? Pfft! 😛
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Haha nah I don’t care one way or the other about The Big Lebowski. GBH is the only sacrilege you have committed with me…that I know of. 😉
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😀
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Get her, Cara!!!
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I forgot about this movie!!! I used to rent a room in a house-share and one of the other housemates LOVED this film, we watched it twice over the time I lived there.
I remember enjoying it enough to watch…but I found it kind of wannabe pretentious and ‘weird for the sake of being weird’ which is cheap and annoying. If that makes sense!
*spoilers!*
Isn’t there a secret family member locked in a box or something???
P.S shame for that person who won’t watch Grand Budapest because they ‘hate’ Wes Anderson (?!!!!!)
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Clam!!!
I didn’t love it, at all. And yes!!! There’s a mystery sibling chained up in the basement which makes no fucking sense at all.
Love Pen!!
P.S. I know….. what a punk!
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I thought so!!!!!

Yeah it’s a load of old cobblers! Been done before, better.
Love Clam 🙂 🙂
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You win!!!
It IS a bunch of old cobblers!!!!! YES!!!!! It is definitely not sweet as a nut….
Love Pen !!
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So as sour as a grape? Maybe?
Love Clam 🙂 🙂
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Clam!
Perfect!!
#sourgrapes
Love Pen!!
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If you watch the sequel it makes perfect sense why he was locked away 🙂
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Sounds like a load of old rubbish. Thanks for the review, I’ll be sure to do a massive swerve on this one.
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You called that right! Rubbish it is!
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Bad move man, ignore Eric, this is a great low budget affair. The sequel is even better!
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I have this sitting around on DVD somewhere but haven’t bothered to reacquaint myself with it! Looks as though I’ve spared myself a rough time 🙂 Thanks for the heads up!
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Shit on that thing! For real!
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Watch it, ignore Eric, definitely worth a watch especially if you already have the dvd!
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PS – I’m not big on Wes Anderson either!
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I’m not either but GBH is really funny and not pretentious shit like his last eight movies… really!
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I’m still iffy about it … I ‘might’ watch it one day … Might!
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It’s pretty funny!
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Sweet Pappy
This sounds way boring. Rather watch GBH again. Loved that!
Kidney
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Sweetest Kidney!!!
It was awful – but I do this so you don’t stumble across it and have to look at it.
Pappy!
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It looks like a pretty poor production from those stills, but I do enjoy many of the AfterDark films.
Also, I might be in the minority here – but I did not enjoy the Grand Budapest Hotel. I try not to jump on bandwagons and I feel that this film is one of those. I didn’t think it was funny and was pretty much a Shitfest entry for 2014. But that’s just me.
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Fair enough!
I didn’t expect to like it but I did… Fiennes totally cracked me up….
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I gave it a good shot and made it most of the way through, but finally just had to say enough is enough.
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Fair enough!
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What do you think of Last Man Standing I have only seen one episode so far? What do you think of the Americans? I really like that show and season 3 is really good so look forward to that if you like the show. And HIIIIII I have been gone for a month trying to get back on track. #ballerbaby
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BALLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve missed you!!!!! Come back to me!!!
I like Last Man Standing! I also like The Americans but it gets a little repetitive…..
COME HOME!!
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IM HOMEEEEEEEEE!!!! Runs in slow motion. lol Yes it does, but it’s fun to watch if you’re bored, my husband likes that show more than me. I have to rant to you there is a guy at work with a ringtone of that whistle from the old spice commercial. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HAHAHAHA!!! Take that fucking phone and smash it!!! Then tell him he wouldn’t even make a good whore!
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Oh it’s so damn annoying!!! All damn day 😦
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Smash that shit!!!
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I should! But he’s a big ass man. haha
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You can take him!!!
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Good old Tyson!
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I wonder whatever happened to that bastard???
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He was a fucking legend I hear….. 🙂
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Oh! Is that me?! It’s me! Me me me! The Wes Anderson Hater! Yes!!! 🙂 Seriously, though… Avoiding a director is NOT as weird as avoiding a hairdo! Lol! 😉 Oh, and as for this movie, a crazy guy I know who I swear is a serial killer recommended it to me. Ugh! No THANKS! I’d rather watch a Wes Anderson film. 😉
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Yes!!! It’s you, Wanker!!!!!
Just watch it, it’s funny!
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I don’t like Anderson either – so pretentious! But if Eric think it’s worth watching I might give it a try. Although it should be noted that I don’t really want to.
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Note: I didn’t want to either and ended up enjoying it.
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It’s on my list…
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#crossesfingers
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(no) lol! 😉
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Bullshit!
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UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!
#GBHisamazing
#dontbeahater
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Lol! Oh shit! I’ve been found out again!!! Cara’s gonna stalk me until I watch that stupid movie… 😉
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Worse–MIGUEL will stalk you. He wants to come to England to see his new trophy brother anyway. He could easily swing by a terrorize you…
#beafraid
#beveryafraid
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#thehorror
#thinkofthechildren
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“And now to talk about the movie…”
*talks about Tyson for another paragraph.
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LOL
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I like to think all he does is think and talk about me 🙂
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Maybe Tyson is chained up somewhere in an effort to make another sequel. More likely… He succumbed to having a child. I speak from experience. Having children is a time suck. A supremely worthwhile one, but a time suck nonetheless.
Anyway. Love GBH. No interest in The Hamiltons after reading this. And I somehow dropped off the Earth for three weeks too so it is good to read some good stuff again.
Thanks!
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The Hamiltons was bullshit. GBH is excellent!
You think he went off and made more babies??? #congrats #welldone #thx
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Hey John! 🙂
Yes time is a luxury, but she wasn’t to blame for my absence. That being said, you should ignore Eric, this is a good film, and the sequel was fantastic. At least I may be the only fan from the looks of this place but I enjoyed them 🙂
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I remember Tyson and his awesome blog logo!! It’s a shame he has disappeared like that, but family’s first! And WOW Eric, I can totally feel your love and admiration for this film, haha. It does seem like a piece of no good film, but same as you, I thought the poster kicked ass. Hopefully the snow will be gone soon for ya, but if it makes you write those awesome reviews than by all means, LET IT STAY!!! #SMOOCH
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Reut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Screw this movie!!!!!!! let’s talk about something more fun!!!
SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!!!
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Sure thing!!! Let’s talk about how you’d never quite writing and always indulge us dear readers with great stuff to read. How ’bout that? #tripplesmooch
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I think that sounds like a wonderful, wonderful plan as long as you do the same!
: ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
#smoochsmoochsmooch
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I won’t stop ’till I get enough!!! Woohoo!!
#smoochtimesonehunderd
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WOO HOOO!!!! Hot stuff baby this evening, hot stuff baby tonight!!!
#eternalsmooching
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Let’s DISCO!!! #smoochtotheleftsteptotheright
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Polyester and gold, babycakes!
#gyratingsmooches
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Don’t forget the…… AFRO!!! Yeah!!
#sequinsmooches
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That’s right!!!!! Don’t forget hairy chests!!!!
#medallionsmooching
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I raise a toast to hairy chests, golden neck chains and disco balls. #letsdancebaby
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Here’s to a fast dollar, baby!!!
*clink*
#getdowntonight
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Let’s funky!!!
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Do a little dance, make a little love!
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I can’t sing this song without thinking of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. Did you ever see that one?
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I did! I actually thought that was kind of funny for how stupid it was….
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Yeah, it was pretty stupid, but I’m quite fond of Rob Schneider. He has his moments.
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Yep!! I totally agree!!
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Thanks for the kind words, always nice to be remembered for something. And by all means ignore Eric, unless he has gotten his shit together whilst Ive been away, his opinion was always wrong. I think 🙂
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You can try and slander my good name with people like John Lincoln and Beer Tim but you leave my sweet Reut alone, you British bastard!!
#lovereut
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Lol! Couldn’t ignore him even if I wanted to, but thanks for the warning ☺ you’re back than?
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Yeah, slowly but surely I’ll get some stuff posted soon. Just checking to see who’s still going, nice to see so many familiar people still working away 🙂
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I know it’s quite impossible to keep a blog without taking an occasional break. Good to have you back 🙂
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Please don’t ignore me – I would be crushed : (
#smooch
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NEVER EVER EVER!!!!!#SMOOOOOCH
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OK GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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:-))))))))))))))))
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*turns flips*
*breaks ankles*
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lands on two feet?… probably not… lol.
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I doubt that!
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Dude, I support the drinking of cocktails in basically any situation imaginable. But not at the expense of Big Hero 6. That movie is phenomenal. You should be be watching that shit Whisky Sour in hand.
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Also, I just went to post something awesome on dontsitbymeahole.com, and it looks like that site has gone totally Tyson on us. Lame.
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No one has posted on there since last summer, so I let the domain expire – it should still be there with the .wordpress.com address….?
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You are one of the many people I owe an apology too Tim. I’ll hopefully be around your place soon dude…..
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Tyson, no need to apologise my good man. Hope you and the family are well, that’s the only thing that really matters. Will go re-follow your site so I can call you a total moron when you put shit on The Babadook.
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No shit, right Tim???!!
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HMMMMMMMMMM……
I’ll take this into consideration…..
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I need to hunt this down immediately! Awesome review as always Eric☺️ I loved Grand Budapest Hotel😊 In a weird way it reminded me of Monty Python☺️☺️ Have you ever watched Sharknado?
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Thanks Kim!!!!!
GBH was hilarious and VERY Pythonesque! Good call!
I have sat through Sharknado…….
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Shudder. What would you call that? A “D” movie? I just saw on Netflix that they’re offering
Sharknado 2. Not sure if I can sit through it even for the laughs.
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LOL – shudder indeed! I think we call that a Z movie and poop on every copy of it we can find! : )
You know what? I think they’re even making a third….
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Absolutely!!! And a third? I’m hiding😱
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The horrors!!!!!
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When Bad Movies Turn Badder! Is that a word?
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It is here! : ))))))))))))
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Woo Hoo😄😄😄
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YESSSSSSSSSSSS!
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Dear PSC,
Looks like this was a total waste of time!
Love,
IJB
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And hey! You really liked Lake Mungo and Dread was also pretty good!
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I did like Lake Mungo aside from the
#cellphoneincident
Love,
ISC
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My Dearest PJB,
This movie was a fucking suck magnet.
Love,
PSC
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Sounds truly WRETCHED. Poor you. #trooper
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SHIT ON IT!
This was terrible…..
#goingtoseeitfollowsagainin45minutes
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Damn it I still haven’t seen it once and you’re seeing it again?!
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#lucky
#iloveit
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I miss Tyson. He got me into this clique.
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I do too – at least YOU are still around!
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Abbi you rock, I missed you too. 🙂
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Your snowed-in watches are epic–particularly Last Man Standing, Modern Family, and the glorious GBH!!! I’m about to Hulk out if Mutant keeps hating on it without giving it a chance!!!
#CARASMASH
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GET HER!!! SIC!!!
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An Englishman enters the room……
*cough*
Erm…….Hi………You may remember me from websites such as Head in a Vice & Talking Horror. Also a pretty handsome fellow from the UK. I used to disagree with some silly prick named Eric from around these parts. Anyhoo……. I’m kind of coming back, I am alive, and I will try and apologise/reconnect with folks and post on my old site soon. Which has around 4 followers I believe, so any help one day would be grand.
Back on point, and I see you finally watched a film I recommended. This film was good, but the sequel The Thomsons was fucking great. I’m sorry you didn’t approve, but I can’t win them all.
I hope you and all in this fine establishment are well.
Much love
Tyson x
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WHAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK???!!????!!!??!!
It’s a Spring miracle!!!!
God damn it’s good to hear from you, you handsome bastard!!!!
Love Eric
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Been too long chief. Too long.
I own you (and 11 others) an apology for shit going south on my TalkingHorror site. It wasnt my fault though, I was hacked and lost everything. Twitter/facebook/emails/ etc. Long story. Got a new email address though, so slowly gonna start getting back out there. And thanks for the shout out on here btw, lots of nice comments about me. Much appreciated x
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It’s been WAY too fucking long, TyTy : ) We all wondered what happened to you : ((((((
I’m glad you’re back! Let me know if you need any help at all, you British bastard!
XOXOXOXOXOX
ei
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Im hoping to do a post tomorrow night, so since you may need to re-follow my site again, Im gonna spam your site a little and reply to folks to let them know Im alive. Hopefully word will spread like wildfire and I will have some readers of my old site again! Like being a newbie, following 2 sites and 2 followers 🙂
Then Ill start catching up on the shitty films you talk about here. Like Im hoping you reviewed REC 4 at some point. Or The Babadook.
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I’m not in a great place to start replying to those comments but hopefully you get back up and running! You always got the most comments! GREAT to hear from you two days in a row!
I thought REC 4 was pretty good and awaited your hate but it never came and —–> you didn’t like Babadook?? Cinema Parrot Disco will skin you alive….. I liked Babadook fine but liked Coherence and Housebound much more : )
X x Mr TyTy : )
PS: Dead Snow 2 wins!!!!!!!
PPS I looked and I’m still listed as following you. Let me know if it looks weird on your side and I can unfollow and follow back, you sexy bitch
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Not seen rec 4 yet, was curious to see what u thought so i will get to that. Babadook was boring as fuck imo……..Just bought Dead Snow 1 & 2 so looking forward to those.
Thats cool if you’re following. When I made Talkinghorror it transferred all my followers over. Then when that went it meant I lost everyone. Aside from a few such as yourself that have been and re-followed HIAV at some point, so if you are thats all good, u should get notified as and when I get something up. Then you can help me get everyone back 😉
2 days in a row, I spoil you big boy!
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I’m sure you’ll hate Rec 4 but I liked it. Dead Snow 2 was my favorite zombie movie of 2014!!
Look forward to your post! If you post and I don’t see it email me and I’ll go unfollow and refollow you : )
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