For those of us that grew up where I live and went to grade school together and had to take “Bible Class”, we all know that God went and created Adam out of mud – right over there in the Middle East, along the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. He then realized that Adam was horny so he made Eve out of Adam’s BONE so Adam could do some fuckin’ and they had the Garden of Eden and the Snake and all of that shit. All we are told after that – and never explained by classroom teachers – is that they were banished from The Garden and Cain sleweth Abel and we shift forwards where the world is populated and such and we are all inbreeds and belong in Wrong Turn 11 – The REAL Beginning.
Writer / Director Megan Griffiths takes the story of Adam and Eve and shifts it to The States and the modern day sex trafficking industry. Lloyd Bridges comes down from the stars above and stars as God Almighty and goes around smiting and killing EVERYONE in that good Old Testament way. OOPS wait, that’s not right. Jeff Bridges continues his run as a soft spoken wise man with crazy hair, starring as Abraham who goes off to sacrifice his own son to Go – wait, nope. Beau Bridges is in this as The Angel Gabriel who goes patrolling around in the desert killing people and running an illegal sex enterprise. Yes! That’s it!
Eden, a naive, young lady goes to a bar – underage mind you – and ends up with the main guy from Eurotrip. Next up she’s doing The Sex against her will and bites Wee-Wees and puts things in her – um – yeaaaaaaahhhhh for safe keeping and eventually – well, honestly, I don’t know because I never finished this and after I paused this for a
satisfying bowel movement break, I went to get a haircut (and lunch) and came back and watched something else. Something called:
The director of this tweeted me to give his movie a watch, so I did and I didn’t particularly care for it. Two brothers go around killing EVERYONE in North Carolina, documenting it all with their handheld camera. No one is safe, not even The Bridges family, not Ryan, not David, not Natasha, not Emma, not Reut and not even Justine. Everyone gets killed and then the police raid the place and shoot the brothers dead. Deader than fuck. It was kind of interesting when they introduced the sister but it got uninteresting when it’s revealed that the sister had a baby and the baby was her father’s. I’m not making that part up.
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
On another note! It’s no great mystery or secret that the majority of the traffic and comments and shit I get out here come during the week while people are fucking off at work – and that’s more than fucking OK because I love you. I think sometimes people go get caught up on the weekend posts, but I think that depends on how many people you follow and some of the previous posts might get missed. For example, I follow a particular site that posts about 19-20 pictures a day of various women in stages of undress, so I might miss some of those Saturday posts that come out and I apologize but I still love you.
The point of that, to you Monday or Tuesday looker-atters (because of that holiday where all of the UK shuts down for four days) – Luke got fidgety over the weekend and posted his Shitfest Acceptance on Saturday. It’s probably one of the funniest things I’ve watched in forever and I highly encourage you to check it out. I totally LOL-ed while watching it Saturday and highly recommend it. Being the sweet guy that I am, you can get some of my complimentary hors d’oeuvres over there at the table (be careful reaching your hand into that five gallon bucket of cold Marsala), enjoy parking voucher validation and get to his post by clicking the following image: