I didn’t know shit about going into this movie aside from the fact that I like Nicole Kidman and Mark Strong. And when I say I like Nicole Kidman I really mean that I like Nicole Kidman’s butt and the trailer for this seemed like a lucrative chance for me to witness it again. Which I did. Somehow I’m not able to find a clean picture of that shot out on the web at this time but the trailer had some of this:
But, luckily I have a quick mind and sometimes a good memory so I am able to showcase my incredible hunting skills with a still from the semi-OK movie DEAD CALM:
Now that that’s out of the way I’d like to get something off my chest. I’m not in the habit of reading things older than I am – I don’t know why, I’m just not – so I can’t say if he was the FIRST to write something like this or not but – back in the 80s a guy named Gene Wolfe wrote a book called “Soldier of the Mist”:
It was about a Roman soldier named Latro who got whacked in the head with a sword and lost his memory, so every day he would write himself the events of his day and when he woke up in the morning he would read them to know who he was and what his life was all about. It’s actually a very good book if you’re into good reading so check it out if you like. Anyway, when the wonderful and totally FIVE TOP HAT MEMENTO came out I was all “This is really good but you’re a fucking copier, Nolan!!!” And I sent him a letter telling him so, but I really didn’t, because I’m sure he’s never read “Soldier of the Mist” but – COPYCAT!!!!! Oh well – I’m sure he’ll never read this either but, here we are again with another copy of the book – this time starring Kidman, Mark Strong and an English fellow named Colin Firth.
This time around, a woman wakes up and stumbles into her bathroom naked and looks at pictures of her on the wall. She doesn’t know what the fuck is going on until her husband wakes up and explains everything to her before he goes to work. Suddenly a phone rings and it’s the voice of a doctor that’s been treating her on the sly telling her to go get a hidden video camera out of a shoe box. She does and sees what’s going on and then goes through her day piecing her life together, becoming distrustful of her husband, the doctor and even her oldest friend, leaving herself conflicting videos for her to look at the next morning.
I thought this movie was going OK until the third act where it got kind of unbelievable. Even after that I was going to give this a FOUR TOP HATS but the fucking ending was so goddamned sappy and contrived that I about puked and shit all over the place. It’s definitely not a BAD movie – it’s well made, for sure, it just kind of petered out to the end (like Brian’s Peter) and then the fucking very end was certainly NOT dope. Oh well, there you go. And to finish – for posterity:
Also! In case you missed it or were still on fucking holiday – check out my entry into Cara’s April Fools marathon by clicking this mystery poster: