JOHN WICK (2014)
Keanu Reeve’s embalmed, schlacked and decapitated head stars as a retired time bomb, just wanting to relax and chill, Point Break-style, with his time bomb wife. Unfortunately, one night, after some rousing Bed-Sheet Be-Bop, he really ignites her wick and she blows to smithereens all over the bedroom, the bed sheets, the windows and the dog. Really, really mad, the bomb puts on a fake beard and goes around killing Russians and everyone else by blowing himself up inside of night clubs. “This is the worst rendering on the Art of Revenge I’ve ever seen,” growls Clint Eastwood as he rolls over in the grave he shares with John Malkovich. Clint Eastwood has nothing to do with this movie and in The Real World that exists outside of Half Ass Review Town, I really liked John Wick.
BIRDMAN (2014)
In their Academy Award recognized performances, Michael Keaton and Ed Norton star as two horny Canadian Geese during mating season who constantly shit everywhere and scream at people as they walk by. The IPC was able to score an exclusive, never before seen clip from the film:
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me
The part about Birdman was too funny Eric, made my morning.
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Excellent!! I have suffered the birds for you!
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Thanks for enduring the suffering so I don’t have to.
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Cocksucking fucking birds!!
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Ha
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Shitting motherfuckers…
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Hahaha! Clint Eastwood and John Malkovich should share a grave when they die.
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It would be very interesting if they did.
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Wouldn’t it? I’d like to see that movie.
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Let’s make this happen!
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I’d pay to see that movie.
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With all of those dollars you’ve saved up?
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You know it Eric.
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Dollar bills!
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Hell yeah.
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: ) : )
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Wait………. they’re not dead????????????
#walkingcorpses
#zombies
#wheresthattweetiwaswaitingforallday
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I freaking LOVED John Wick! That was just so great on so many levels ❤
As for Birdman, I enjoyed that but I did not love it to pieces like some.
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Dearest IJB,
I did too – John Wick was all kinds of awesome : )
#birdmanwasirritating
Love,
ISC
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The more I think about Birdman, the more pretentious it feels.
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Yep! A pretentious asshole of a movie!
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I’ve never seen anyone call a film an asshole before
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Welcome to the ipc!!
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hahaha 😀
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Hahaha!!!!!!!!
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Loved the video 🙂
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HAHA!!! Fucking birds!!!
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I might go to John Wick tomorrow! So I better not read this, as I’m sure you discuss the movie at length… 😉
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Good call – I do a very detailed rendering of the movie on this post.
Be careful – I really liked John Wick : )
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Oh. Forget it, then – I’ll go to something else! 😉 lol
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GOOD CALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#gooddecisionmakingskills
: ) : ) : )
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Love that extra scene from Birdman. lol
Personally, I am really looking forward to the John Wick sequel. Hopefully it is just as good.
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LOL – god damn birds! They’re also federally protected so you can’t kick them out of the way….
I hope! I loved the first one!
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Geese are lovely little creatures – so funny.
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There’s this one out back – the female is laying her eggs in the flower planter and then male just stares at his reflection all day and shits everywhere….
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We had a couple at my workplace last year – had their eggs inside the fenced compound and then when a transport or a truck got too close they would try and chase them away. Pretty funny.
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Just remember this general rule of thumb: no one looks cool punching a bird.
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Good rule to have!
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LOL
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Yep. That goose was definitely Edward Norton. The awkward shuffle and annoying voice proves it beyond a doubt.
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Academy Award worthy!
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I thought I recommended “John Wick” to you last year after I saw it. I thought it was your kind of movie. I also recommended “The Equalizer” for you. That is quite the double feature. Reeves best movie since “The Matrix” and Denzel’s best since “Man on Fire”, IMO.
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I think you did – I waited for them both to come out on VOD and I loved them both!
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I just can’t bring myself to watch “Birdman”. It just looks like it’s soooo boring! I am going to see if I can find a copy now and see if I can bare to sit through it. I hope paramedics are nearby in case I die of boredom.
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It’s sooooooooooo boring…. and it’s littered with bee-bop jazz music…. I would have quit watching if the wife wasn’t watching it…
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I generally hate jazz. But it was decent in “Whiplash”. I was hesitant to watch Whiplash b/c of the jazz, but it actually sounds pretty good for the most part. OK, I’m braving my fears and going into Birdman!!
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Gooooooooooooooooooooooooood luck!
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Okay, I just finished. Not a big fan. I think the only reason I made it through was b/c of Emma Stone’s character. I thought she was interesting. And Edward Norton, as well. But Michael Keaton’s self-loathing act was redundant to me and got dull fast.
I also didn’t like the mood or atmosphere. I didn’t like how crammed-up everything felt and I hated the loud high-hat cymbals playing in the background of nearly every scene; especially when it was louder than the dialogue. The movie was actually much more tolerable w/out the drums and cymbals, and if the instruments weren’t quite so loud, they may not have been as annoying. I felt like I was in a jazz-club trying to overhear a conversation as the actors on-screen talked.
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I agree 100% – I also didn’t like the gimmicky “one continuous shot” thing – it got really old after about 30 minutes. I really would have quit after about 30 minutes if it wasn’t the only thing playing in my house that morning… I like that video that I made on this post more than Birdman.
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I just watched it. It did resemble Keaton & Norton’s interactions! LOL.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!! Good one!
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That’s the best description of Birdman I have ever read. Also, I believe that geese are devil creatures.
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HAHAHAH!!! Thanks you beautiful devil!!!
yes – they truly are straight from fucking hell.
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Greek Goose!
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Your goose is cooked!!
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On another note…has anyone here seen the remake “The Town That Dreaded Sundown”? I’m wondering if it’s worth checking out.
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I actually have a post about that coming out on Thursday here. I really liked it but it’s basically a slasher movie. Nothing too complicated or anything. I thought it was fresh and somewhat exciting but it’s nothing new.
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Yeah, a slasher flick is okay if the writing and acting is decent. I will give this a watch before Thursday and then read your review.
*Also, I have heard the new “Daredevil” series on netflix is good. Have you seen it yet?
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We watched five of the Daredevils over the weekend – it’s really good. I would have watched them all but we’re getting new carpet and I’ve been boxing up everything I own for weeks so I can move the furniture…
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OK, so a review will be released in the future?
I may have to just go ahead and subscribe to netflix for a month to check it out. I am currently on Amazon Prime and watched all of season 4 of “Louie” over the weekend. Very off-beat and refreshing writing for that series.
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I doubt I’ll write anything about Daredevil. It usually takes me months to finish a TV season… Louie seems like it would irritate me, but that’s just me…
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I think you’d find yourself relating to “Louie” a lot. It’s actually quite creative. It is very awkward and will make you uncomfortable for its brutal honesty at real life; but at the same time is hilarious. It is also very unpredictable. You really never know what’s about to happen. Sometimes bad things happen to Louie, and then other times really great things happen. You just never know what to expect.
There was this one episode I think you’d like where Louie goes on a talk-show to endorse masturbation, while an attractive Christian virgin goes on the show to speak against masturbation. So, they have a debate. And finally after Louie grows frustrated with her he says “When I masturbate tonight I’m going to think of you and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
Sounds like something I’d read on this page! lol. So, in “Louie” unpredictable fashion, the Christian girl and Louie go on a couple dates and actually have interesting, insightful conversation. On most shows, the girl would say “You disgust me, you pervert!” to Louie, but like I said this show is off-the-wall and highly unpredictable.
There are a couple of bad episodes in the series, but that’s to be expected when doing comedy in such a unconventional manner. Most of the episodes are really good. Sometimes commercials and trailers can be misleading. I see why you think it may annoy you, but I’m pretty sure you’d like it.
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I’m sure it’s good and that sounds funny, I just don’t really care for Louis C.K. is really the thing….
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Oh ok, I understand some of the time there are certain actors we dislike…but hey, think about this…you remember that Chris Pine entry I wrote; then when I saw him in “Stretch” I thought he was the best part of the film.
I have seen Louie Ck in a couple supporting roles in movies and didn’t think anything about him. Until I watched his stand-up and then thought he was hilarious.
So was just bringing that up in case you just saw him in some lame movie or TV show and assumed he was the same all the time. Not sure if you knew, but he was one of the head writers for “The Chris Rock Show” on HBO a few years back and won an emmy for his writing.
Not pressuring you to watch, but just wanted to let you know a little more about him and there’s more to him than his terrible role in “The Invention of Lying”.
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I don’t know… I liked him for a little bit in Parks and Rec and then I thought his shtick got really old… I can’t stream at work any more so we’ll see if the wife wants to watch this sometime…
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Hey – have you ever seen The Secret in Their Eyes? I’m not done with it yet but this is really good and seems like something you would like.
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I have the DVD, but have not watched it yet. I actually have a ton of DVD’s I bought over the years of films I haven’t watched yet. So, you think I should check it out soon??
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I still have about 45 minutes left so, I couldn’t talk about the entire thing but, over half way through, I was thinking this is something you’d like.
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Good deal. I will try to watch this week.
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It could always end up sucking balls but it’s been pretty good so far –
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Sugar Pappy
Wonderful, wonderful. My Birdman post is going up tomorrow. Couldn’t really like it all that much… you?
Love,
Kidney
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Sweet Kidney,
I kind of hated it and don’t understand why so many people like it so much.
#screwit
Love,
Sugar Pappy
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John Wick looks ace.
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John Wick IS ace!
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I always wanted to see Birdman. Now I know it is a truly Oscar-worthy treasure of cinema. Nice one Eric!
#birdsies
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Good luck with that one, Anna!! I actually thought I hated it…..
#geesies
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I skipped John Wick because I usually can’t stand Keanu, but now I’m going to hunt it down! And Birdman! Absolutely inspired review Eric! I hate, loathe, and despise geese😡 I was bitten once while doing an outside storytime. Grr😤 Have you seen Horns with Daniel Radcliffe?
#burngeeseburn
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I’m not a huge fan of his either but I really liked John Wick. It’s a good action movie!
HAHAHA Birdman!! What a shit movie! My video is better than that thing! HAHA!!!
I’ve almost been bitten by those things – stupid birds!!!
I have – I have a review for it out here – I think – let me look….
Here you go, Kim!
https://isaacspictureconclusions.com/2014/11/20/horns-2013-three-horns/
#hornygeese
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Your video is way better! I should have known you would have already checked out Horns! Thanks for digging it out for me. But “gasp”😱 You don’t like Daniel Radcliffe? Oh gosh, Eric! This could be a friendship breaker for us😭
#killallthegeese
#stillloveericdespitehimnotlikingharrypotter
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I have a lot of stuff out there on my “movie index” page if you’re ever bored one day… : )
That boy is WAY too spastic for me… If I ever met him in person he’d drive me crazy. is he always on sugar or something???
HAHAHA
#killthefuckinggeese
#goodexclamationpointexclamationpointexclamationpointexclamationpointexclamationpointexclamationpointexclamationpointexclamationpoint
#wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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I’m definitely going to have an IPC marathon reading day😊 While I like Dan, I have to agree. He is rather twitchy. Maybe too much caffeine? Wand waving? Or perhaps he had a run-in with Shia LaBoeuf!
#quietquiet
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I hope you like! HAHAHA!
#quietquiet
#crawlingonallfours
#theresbloodeverywhere
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#bloodystumps
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#decapitations
#jujitsu
#love
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#mustlearnjuijitsu
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Be careful!!
#stumpleg
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Since in addition to me burning my finger yesterday, I also tripped and fell while climbing the stairs, I think I’d better! My bruises have bruises😕
#bloodystumpleg
#myhousehatesme
#evilhouse
#kimsaklutz
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Take care, please!! I don’t want you hurt!!!!
#besafe
#bewell
#loves
#icanbarelywalkinastraightlinemykneesaresobad
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Thanks Eric. I’m so sorry about your knees 😦
#imamenace
#yourselves
#muchlove
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I was pretty rough on my body when I was younger….
#happywednesday
#almostfriday
#almostsunday
#wednesdaylove
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I know I will!
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You’re so nice to me!
#huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug
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You make it easy Eric! And you constantly lift my spirits, so Thank You!
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You’ve just inspired me to do something!! I hope it comes out ok!
#inspirationkim
#youresoawesome
#futurepost
#love
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#amazingeric
#sendingginourmoushuugs
#effingeese
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#puttingongraphicdesigngoggles
#oldeyes
#lovekim
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I nominated you for a blogging award Eric.
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Thanks!!
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Out of the 10 facts listed, there is one that is really causing a lot of discussion.
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Cool – I’ll go check it out when I get some time away from these spreadsheets
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Understand boss.
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Hmm. I wonder which fact is causing all the discussion Vinnie?😉 Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge!
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#nude
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#cantstopgiggling
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
#ihope
#yourehavinga
#greatday
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Happy Wednesday Eric! I hope you’re having an easier time with those spreadsheets!
#countingdown
#best Eric
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I haven’t cracked those babies open yet!!!
#slackingoff
#bestkim
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May The Force Be With You Dear Eric!
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HUGS!!
#hugsandkisses
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Aww!
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Looooolllll that goose video!! Did you actually film that?? That’s dangerous, Giantess!! Geese are mean!! As for Birdman…I think you and I felt very differently about that one. 😉
#dontfuckwithgeesebro
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I did! Outside my building front door!! Fucking birds!!
#fuckinggeese
#stupidbirds
#ithopesitishavingagoodweekend
#itloves
#itcouldgotoindianaanyday
#indianapolisburns
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You gotta be careful around those buggers, man…
#scary
#ithopesitishavingagoodweekendalso
#xoxo
#itmustletitknow
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Fucking geese…..
#itprobes
#itwillkeepitposted
#xoxoxoxox
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God I am falling out of my chair, and choking, due to laughter. Fuck man these reviews never dissapoint.
Best John Wick review. Ever. Fuck thats right, I was gonna try my hand at one of these. But damn, I don’t think I am this funny man!!! This post has made my fucking day 🙂
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GREAT!!!!! HAHAHA!!!!! I love it!!
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Dear King of the Ipers,
The squawks A) are offensive to the earholes and B ) are an insult to great, wine-and-cheese-taste-loving, monocle-wearing, mustache-twirling, high-brow-opinion-having film critics such as myself. Shame on you.
Love, T-Shit.
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Dear Itch,
I’d like to kill those fucking birds!!!! Lucky for them they are federally protected…..
Love,
Ipes
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