JOHN WICK (2014)
Keanu Reeve’s embalmed, schlacked and decapitated head stars as a retired time bomb, just wanting to relax and chill, Point Break-style, with his time bomb wife. Unfortunately, one night, after some rousing Bed-Sheet Be-Bop, he really ignites her wick and she blows to smithereens all over the bedroom, the bed sheets, the windows and the dog. Really, really mad, the bomb puts on a fake beard and goes around killing Russians and everyone else by blowing himself up inside of night clubs. “This is the worst rendering on the Art of Revenge I’ve ever seen,” growls Clint Eastwood as he rolls over in the grave he shares with John Malkovich. Clint Eastwood has nothing to do with this movie and in The Real World that exists outside of Half Ass Review Town, I really liked John Wick.
In their Academy Award recognized performances, Michael Keaton and Ed Norton star as two horny Canadian Geese during mating season who constantly shit everywhere and scream at people as they walk by. The IPC was able to score an exclusive, never before seen clip from the film:
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
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