~THIS POST MIGHT TAKE A WHILE TO LOAD AND COULD BE CONSIDERED NSFW~
MICHAEL CLAYTON (2007)
It’s Spring around here so it’s about time to start freshening up those swimming pools and getting into our Speedos and tiny bikinis, getting some color on our skins and drinking fruity cocktails by the water! So, let’s go with a poolside theme today and talk about George Clooney’s Michael Clayton and The American. In Michael Clayton, Clooney plays a gambling lawyer who is very good at making problems go away. Problems like drunken accidents, public boners and this chick’s bra:
You all have to thank Melissa for putting that idea into my head and your loins. She was talking about Upton back on my old Stretch post – so THANK YOU, Melissa!!! MEOW PUSSYCAT!!!! Seriously though, this movie was FANTASTIC and HOW IN THE FUCK did he not win an Academy Award for this??? THIS is why I hate The Oscars. Clooney was great and so was the movie. If you haven’t seen this, just do it.
THE AMERICAN (2010)
In The American, Clooney jives his way across Europe not using cell phones and doing it with hookers. He drives a car a couple of times and builds a rifle but that’s about it other than the hooker sex. He also has a butterfly tattoo on his back that looks a little feminine for an American assassin but, hey, he’s George Clooney so who am I to judge? Also – Jessica Biel can judge my butterfly any day, although she could use some meat above those hips….
This hasn’t been a very deep Half Ass Review day so I thought I’d address something else a couple of people have sent my way recently. These blog award thingies seem to go around about every spring when people start waking up and it’s always fun to get them but sometimes they can be difficult to address because we all have our blog communities and if we just keep sending them to each other that would defeat the point, in my opinion. I love it when people do these but it’s just impossible to pick a small handful of people to forward them on to…. I do love you all so much (except Brian). So – if you’re interested, here’s some notable and remarkable facts about me based on some links from some beautiful people : ) : )
From the lovely and reportedly dominatrix-boot wearing Emma:
- What is your favourite film soundtrack? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Probably Escape From New York….
- Are you technology savvy? Not particularly but I’m a fast learner…
- Tell me something you’ve very proud of. I’m kind of proud of myself for making friends out here on the blog. In real life I am a very shy fucker and tend to avoid people….
- Favourite animal? Like, in general or personal? I LOVE giraffes but can’t see myself owning one. I LOVE my dogs (and cats)
- Favourite website if you HAD to choose just one? There’s so many beautiful sites out there that’s impossible to pick, but if I had to choose one it would be THIS
- Favourite eye colour? HMMMMMMMMMMM…. green!
- Do you watch The Inbetweeners? Ummmmm….. nope….?
- Favourite holiday? Probably new Year’s Day because I’m off work and there’s no chance of getting emergency work calls
- What is your favourite book? Mailman by J Robert Lennon
- What do you enjoy most about writing? I just hope I can make someone smile or maybe even laugh a little – it’s also good for the brain
- Do you ever hash tag? #liebsteraward I do a lot but it’s not to try and draw hits – it’s more to be funny #imsureitsmoreannoyingthanfunny
Vinnie AKA The Satrap of Sin
- Do you prefer watching films in the cinema or at home? Home, really, so I can pause and piss whenever I want
- Do you have any tattoos? Yep… four of em….
- What is your favourite sport? College football (American)
- Who is your man crush or woman crush? Ron Swanson and Emma Stone
- How good are you at keeping secrets? Pretty fucking good
- What movie do you love that everyone else seems to hate? This list would be huge but to narrow one down maybe House of the Devil?
- What do you enjoy the most about blogging? Being creative and interacting with good people : )
- What is your star sign? Sagittarius baby!
- How many languages can you speak? Just one fluently, and some broken Spanish
- What is your most valuable belonging? I don’t own anything worth a lot of money but I have some very cherished belongings…
- Describe yourself in five words. Tall, thinnish, tired, shy, hopefully amusing
And for the sweetest Reut:
10 facts about me:
- I’m deathly afraid of spiders and deathly allergic to wasps and hornets
- There’s something about me that causes small mechanics to not work, like remotes and watches and cameras and cell phones….
- I totally fucking suck at messing with plastic bags…..!
- One time I was at the local zoo and this giraffe was looking at me and it got a boner. I’ve been scarred for life.
- I’ve had dozens and dozens of out of body experiences
- I used to get drunk and take off my clothes and run around various places in my city. I’ve retired from that though.
- I’m a pretty handy guy but for some reason I can’t EVER figure out fucking plumbing
- I’m six foot four inches tall
- I’ve been held up at gunpoint and YES it’s fucking scarier than shit and NO you don’t think about getting all Bruce Willis and kicking someone’s ass
- Keith Carradine owes me five dollars
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! HAPPY MONDAY!!!
It really does take me abut three to four weeks to get a post put together. I have to really think about how I want to do them and then I poop out a bunch of sentences and then proof it a thousand times and add horrible things like commas so, I know I have been mentioned in a few more of these things and it’s not like I didn’t want to do them – I would never slight you, I’m just slow and sometimes I can’t keep up…. Plus, there’s really not too much interesting about me… I really do love you!
For example, there’s a really fun one from the red-headed fox Melissa HERE
And another beut at the wonderful Robbins Realm Blog HERE
And one from someone who says “fuck donuts” HERE (Zobo)
Now – since it’s impossible to pick out nine or ten or eleven or fifteen people to forward these things on to – I’ve made my own award for you – for better or worse. I’m actually a really shy guy in real life and who knows if you would like me in person but I can’t even believe you read out here. I NEVER thought I would make friends out here on this place, much less actually care about you, but look at where we are now. So – in honor of you: here’s to you, here’s mud in your eye and here’s to a fast dollar!
*Another round on me!*
To anyone who wants it, here’s something I made for you amazing Most Beloveds that you can put on your blog if you want, or do an awards post (or pass on to someone else) or whatever you want, but this is from me to you:
Then I got to thinking and thought that might not be the right thing for your site so there’s this:
And then I got to thinking again and thought that maybe that won’t be the right color for your site so I made these:
So there you go – feel free to use them if you want… or not – I just wanted to let you know that I love you people!