Have you been able to see this yet? Do you live in the mountains of Utah in a place called Satan’s Asshole??? Have you read enough about this that your sick of it?? Well – this is my favorite movie of the year so far so I figured I had better put something out about it so I can keep my Street Cred. Or is it “Kred”? I never know what’s going on and no one ever tells me anything and KIDS TODAY!!! One time I took this poll to see if youths would like me and the result was “Teens don’t know you exist and they don’t care about you” (or something). Anyways – It Follows is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fucking good I went and saw it twice in the theater and plan on giving it a buy when it comes out. Chances are, you already read about this elsewhere by much better writers than me but I’ll give something a shot here.This opens up with a wickedly refreshing camera shot rotating 360 degrees, following a scantily clad chick in high heels, running from something unseen, stopping and staring and running some more before she gets her car keys and peels out, driving away from something. The camera work was absolutely a blast and the music they utilized was pretty amazing. Moments later, we watch as she talks to her dad on a cell phone and apologizes for being such a nasty slut, fucking around with everyone including the child molesting school janitor and asking forgiveness for the wild sex orgies with the local chapter of the Skinheads. That last part may or may not be true and I may have written that to see if you were paying attention but, the next morning she wakes and she’s………. that’s right —>DEADER THAN FUCK!!!!!I hope that’s not a big movie ruiner for you since that happens in the first five minutes before you even had a chance to cut the hole in your popcorn bucket and stick your wiener in it so your date gets a surprise when she digs for some salty goodness and ends up giving you a surprise Handie while you nod your head and wink and give the thumbs up sign repeatedly to the guy on the other side of him / her. Still paying attention??? GOOD!After those tragic events, we shift our focus to a very cute, slightly dreamy blond who may or may not be a semi-hipster with a case of The Mopeys. This part of the film is actually a little slow and may give some people some pause as to why this is getting so much hype but TRUST me, it really picks up after all of the drama. I can’t remember the exact time of the movie but when you see this fragile old bird ↓ ↓, the thing really picks up, grabs you by your tiny testicles and never lets go until the end. Or was that your date ripping through the popcorn bucket????
This School Scene is absolutely fucking fantastic and sets up the WONDERFUL Kitchen Scene and the subsequent Beach Scene (which was my favorite part), the House Across the Street Scene and then the brilliant Pool Scene. I absolutely fucking loved this movie and if I wasn’t already married I would totally marry it. I know that I hate over-hyped things, I really do – too much hype ruined Guardians of the Galaxy for me but, for real, you just HAVE to see this if you ever get the chance. I know I haven’t got into what this is about and the intrinsic nature of Cautionary Tales and the hidden meanings of this or that shit because the only thing you need to know about this is that: IT FOLLOWS.