Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THAT 70s SHOW #1: THREE RIPENING CHERRIES (1979)

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Vinnie’s Take:

So Eric and I were talking the other week of expanding my movie watching horizons. And in typical Eric fashion, he suggested something rather naughty: 70’s Adult flicks. You know the one’s where the boobs come out of brightly coloured clothing and the guys have dicks as big as the ones of horses. Naturally with me being a respectable man of morals( yeah right, who am I kidding?), I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but I found myself becoming curious and decided to accept this hard challenge. So without further ado, here is my take on Three Ripening Cherries.

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So this porno centers on a trio of nubile young sisters just coming into the arena of sexual exploration. Virgins all, they want to experience something sexy in their lives. They begin by talking to their mother, who really has had some adventurous experiences in all things carnal, but who wants her daughters to experience real love and not just sex. Her ribald antics are shown in brightly lit flashbacks that include her blowing one guy while in his car and basically fucking anyone in sight, eventually settling for the sailor husband who never seems to be around.

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The girls want to experience lusty sex so we then get the selling point of the flick: orgies, lesbian make-out sessions and full on fucking. 70’s style editing and groovy soundtrack envelope this fuck fest in carefree attitude and sexiness galore. Porn today is so widespread that the senseless pounding can become a little repetitive, this movie, although basically pounding and fucking, has a bit of a style to it at least. Gaudy clothes are soon shed as the orgies come into full swing and the mustaches on the virile studs are straight out of a Burt Reynolds movie. No one’s gonna watch this flick for the acting or the script, so kick back and watch this sex fest of a porno. There is a certain humour to some of the antics going on here, such as one guy who can’t get it up and the looks on the girl’s faces as their mother recounts her fuck filled past to them, filled with swinging cocks and screaming orgasms. The plot is not exactly gonna rivet the attention, so the bonking will and believe me there is an abundance of it in Three Ripening Cherries.

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I would like to thank Eric for this hard challenge and I’m glad I managed to pull through and contribute a review on something I wouldn’t usually consider watching.

My Take:

PLEASE NOTE: I HAVE NEVER WATCHED A PORN

With that out of the way, growing up in the 70s, we used to sneak skin mags out of our Dad’s (in my case, my grandpa’s) bottom dresser drawer and head down to the creek to look at naked chicks in various poses, showcasing their hairy hoohaws, but we really didn’t know what we were doing, since we were kids. Then, when the 80s came around and there was the advent of the VCR, we learned to find those worn out old video tapes and sneak them to each other in backpacks and comic book bundles and, after the parents had gone to sleep, we’d sneak into the living room and play real, moving sex at the lowest volume possible. Of course, in the early 80s, most of the tapes were movies from the 70s, so that’s how I learned about porn, even though I’ve never watched any.

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As the industry progressed, the chicks started having less hair, the boobs got big and fake, the actresses got so thin on cocaine they seemed like they would blow away if not for those giant, fake tits and the movies just became people banging each other as hard as they can for as long as they can, then Pop Shot and cut to more people banging. Then came Jenna Jameson and a new era of Racing Stripes and it all just kind of got old I don’t think it’s just me and nostalgia but there’s something more innocent and sincere about the 70s stories that you just don’t get today, even though I’ve never watched any of this smut.TRC4

Let’s take THIS story. Three sisters who appear to be the same age, who look nothing alike and all go to the same school, come home from class one afternoon, sit down and her mother starts telling them about how she sucked a lot of people off in high school and then started fucking a really hairy man who would become their father. “Don’t be sluts,” she warns and they head off to bed. One bed, mind you, for three sisters. So, what do they do?? Naturally they all strip naked and start making it with each other doing everything three girls can do to each other, while fantasizing about one dude screwing the three of them from behind. (See above)TRC5

This goes on for around thirty minutes and if you haven’t had to pause by now, I’d be really surprised. As soon as they’re done with that blessed action, you’d think they’d go to sleep or something but nope, they laugh a little and then start right back for another thirty minutes, working each other and dreaming of boning two dudes at a time. Eventually, everyone jizzes and we cut to the next day where they head out to try and get laid for real. Unfortunately, the first guys they hit up like to “Dick each other” so that’s a no-go so, naturally, one of them goes to hit up the Gym Teacher.

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Unfortunately (and strangely), he can’t get it up, so she storms out the hotel room completely nude while elsewhere, her sister seduces her own teacher who just wants to whip her and be all S&M-y. As we conclude, the three of them are back in bed again and reason that the only love they need is from each other. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! This is actually a very erotic movie, even though I’ve never seen it and I’m proud to cover it out here today! OOOOO LA LA!!!!

What do you think about this experimental post out here today?? We tried to sneak it out here on a Saturday since it’s a dicey movie to cover. Let us know!

147 comments

  5. lukebbtt

    Hahaha! I’ve always thought ‘porn critics’ would be a good premise for a Seth Rogen film. Thanks to you two, I can kind of picture it that bit more.

    “Three sisters who appear to be the same age, who look nothing alike and all go to the same school…” = this was the line that got me. Brilliant!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  6. The Vern

    This is a great idea. I kind of want to do a review of porn but not discuss the sex at all. PG rated porn reviews. There are movies made by companies like Digital Playground and WIcked(not that I would know) that have really good budgets then the ones made before.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  11. Coolsville

    Enjoyed your review, Eric and Vinnie. Is it just me, or does the movie poster font look like something you’d see on Strawberry Shortcake or My Little Pony? How adorable (and proof that you should never judge a movie by it’s font)! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • vinnieh

      Thanks for commenting. I never noticed that about the font before. Ha-ha, imagine someone picking this up and just seeing the font and then putting it on at home and getting a real surprise.

      Like

      Reply
  13. vampireplacebo

    I think I may have liked then ending better if the girls weren’t sisters. That’s a little too icky for me, lol. I watched a 70’s porn once, purely to see Traci Lords. I was very disappointed. Stunning face, as I expected, but horrible tits and the hairiest vag I’ve ever seen in my life! It was a little nauseating, actually… :-p

    #baldisbeautiful

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  14. Marta

    Guys keep up the good work, it’s a funny four-handed review…ok, enough with the double-entendres, I agree with Luke: the comment about the siblings was brilliant, although I think I won’t watch this one, Burt-Reynolds-mustachioed men notwithstanding.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  20. Zoë

    Uhm… I actually don’t know… uhm… yeah. Not my scene at all! I also thought this was a review of the TV show. I am so lucky I didn’t have colleagues/students in m office when I opened this!

    Glad you guys had fun though!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  21. Zobo With A Shotgun

    Very good review guys! Eric – HOW YOU NEVER SEEN ANY PORN MAN?! It’s good for the soul. This sounds pretty decent but the three girls sound a little incestous and how is one guy going to fuck three girls? He only has one dick. No wonder the poor sod couldn’t get it up – too many expectations of these lads!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

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