Vinnie’s Take:
So Eric and I were talking the other week of expanding my movie watching horizons. And in typical Eric fashion, he suggested something rather naughty: 70’s Adult flicks. You know the one’s where the boobs come out of brightly coloured clothing and the guys have dicks as big as the ones of horses. Naturally with me being a respectable man of morals( yeah right, who am I kidding?), I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but I found myself becoming curious and decided to accept this hard challenge. So without further ado, here is my take on Three Ripening Cherries.
So this porno centers on a trio of nubile young sisters just coming into the arena of sexual exploration. Virgins all, they want to experience something sexy in their lives. They begin by talking to their mother, who really has had some adventurous experiences in all things carnal, but who wants her daughters to experience real love and not just sex. Her ribald antics are shown in brightly lit flashbacks that include her blowing one guy while in his car and basically fucking anyone in sight, eventually settling for the sailor husband who never seems to be around.
The girls want to experience lusty sex so we then get the selling point of the flick: orgies, lesbian make-out sessions and full on fucking. 70’s style editing and groovy soundtrack envelope this fuck fest in carefree attitude and sexiness galore. Porn today is so widespread that the senseless pounding can become a little repetitive, this movie, although basically pounding and fucking, has a bit of a style to it at least. Gaudy clothes are soon shed as the orgies come into full swing and the mustaches on the virile studs are straight out of a Burt Reynolds movie. No one’s gonna watch this flick for the acting or the script, so kick back and watch this sex fest of a porno. There is a certain humour to some of the antics going on here, such as one guy who can’t get it up and the looks on the girl’s faces as their mother recounts her fuck filled past to them, filled with swinging cocks and screaming orgasms. The plot is not exactly gonna rivet the attention, so the bonking will and believe me there is an abundance of it in Three Ripening Cherries.
I would like to thank Eric for this hard challenge and I’m glad I managed to pull through and contribute a review on something I wouldn’t usually consider watching.
My Take:
PLEASE NOTE: I HAVE NEVER WATCHED A PORN
With that out of the way, growing up in the 70s, we used to sneak skin mags out of our Dad’s (in my case, my grandpa’s) bottom dresser drawer and head down to the creek to look at naked chicks in various poses, showcasing their hairy hoohaws, but we really didn’t know what we were doing, since we were kids. Then, when the 80s came around and there was the advent of the VCR, we learned to find those worn out old video tapes and sneak them to each other in backpacks and comic book bundles and, after the parents had gone to sleep, we’d sneak into the living room and play real, moving sex at the lowest volume possible. Of course, in the early 80s, most of the tapes were movies from the 70s, so that’s how I learned about porn, even though I’ve never watched any.
As the industry progressed, the chicks started having less hair, the boobs got big and fake, the actresses got so thin on cocaine they seemed like they would blow away if not for those giant, fake tits and the movies just became people banging each other as hard as they can for as long as they can, then Pop Shot and cut to more people banging. Then came Jenna Jameson and a new era of Racing Stripes and it all just kind of got old I don’t think it’s just me and nostalgia but there’s something more innocent and sincere about the 70s stories that you just don’t get today, even though I’ve never watched any of this smut.
Let’s take THIS story. Three sisters who appear to be the same age, who look nothing alike and all go to the same school, come home from class one afternoon, sit down and her mother starts telling them about how she sucked a lot of people off in high school and then started fucking a really hairy man who would become their father. “Don’t be sluts,” she warns and they head off to bed. One bed, mind you, for three sisters. So, what do they do?? Naturally they all strip naked and start making it with each other doing everything three girls can do to each other, while fantasizing about one dude screwing the three of them from behind. (See above)
This goes on for around thirty minutes and if you haven’t had to pause by now, I’d be really surprised. As soon as they’re done with that blessed action, you’d think they’d go to sleep or something but nope, they laugh a little and then start right back for another thirty minutes, working each other and dreaming of boning two dudes at a time. Eventually, everyone jizzes and we cut to the next day where they head out to try and get laid for real. Unfortunately, the first guys they hit up like to “Dick each other” so that’s a no-go so, naturally, one of them goes to hit up the Gym Teacher.
Unfortunately (and strangely), he can’t get it up, so she storms out the hotel room completely nude while elsewhere, her sister seduces her own teacher who just wants to whip her and be all S&M-y. As we conclude, the three of them are back in bed again and reason that the only love they need is from each other. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! This is actually a very erotic movie, even though I’ve never seen it and I’m proud to cover it out here today! OOOOO LA LA!!!!
What do you think about this experimental post out here today?? We tried to sneak it out here on a Saturday since it’s a dicey movie to cover. Let us know!
Thanks for letting me contribute to this Eric. We make a great team and the finished product is excellent.
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And just so everyone knows, Eric is busy today so I’ll be on comment duty.
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Not really my kind of thing – then again I doubt I’m the intended audience – but entertianing review guys!
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Thanks for reading the review Lauren, Eric was trying to broaden my viewing horizons. He certainly did with this film.
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Yeah, Yeah blame it all on Eric 😉
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HA!!!!
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I gotta blame someone, hehe.
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I’m gonna come back later to read the comments. I’m expecting some weird and wonderful opinions!
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I do hope this post manages to attract those opinions you mentioned there Mikey.
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Hahaha! I’ve always thought ‘porn critics’ would be a good premise for a Seth Rogen film. Thanks to you two, I can kind of picture it that bit more.
“Three sisters who appear to be the same age, who look nothing alike and all go to the same school…” = this was the line that got me. Brilliant!
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Cheers for commenting Luke, it was hard reviewing this kind of movie but very eye-opening to say the least.
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This is a great idea. I kind of want to do a review of porn but not discuss the sex at all. PG rated porn reviews. There are movies made by companies like Digital Playground and WIcked(not that I would know) that have really good budgets then the ones made before.
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That sounds like a really good idea Vern, would be very interesting to read.
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This is hilarious. I can’t comment much more than that because I have never nor will I ever see this movie, haha!
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Glad you found it funny Melissa, something tells me this wouldn’t be your kind of film.
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Yeah, not really, haha!
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I had a feeling this wouldn’t be your kind of film, you’re much too classy for such filth.
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Aw shucks 🙂
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You’re too classy for this sort of material, unlike Eric and I.
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While I don’t think I’ll be watching this, LOVED the review! Great job guys☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
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Too raunchy for you Kim?
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Just a little. Please don’t think I’m a prude😕 PALS forever!😏😏😏
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None of us think you are a prude Kim. There were so peachy asses in here, but nothing to write home about.
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Thanks Vinnie. 😊😙
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PALS forever.
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We didn’t scare you off, did we, Kim???? I couldn’t live with myself if we did………
#hopenot
#lovekim
#hearts
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Woo Hoo, how you doing boss? Have I been successful on the commenting front?
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Absolutely, hombre! Im off to a birthday lunch. Ill check in later-
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Cheers buddy, I gotta sign off for dinner.
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NEVER!!!!!
#yourestuckwithme
#loveeric
#hugs
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🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
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It’s peachy all around then, haha.
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❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Aww you’re sweet Kim. Sending you many peachy ass shakes now, haha.
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Woot!
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I can’t help being saucy.
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Enjoyed your review, Eric and Vinnie. Is it just me, or does the movie poster font look like something you’d see on Strawberry Shortcake or My Little Pony? How adorable (and proof that you should never judge a movie by it’s font)! 🙂
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Thanks for commenting. I never noticed that about the font before. Ha-ha, imagine someone picking this up and just seeing the font and then putting it on at home and getting a real surprise.
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The IPC has gone from posting pictures of boobs to straight up reviewing porn! Loved your write-ups guys, this sounds a bit incest-y though, are you sure it wasn’t an episode of Game of Thrones?
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Haha, nice one Anna. Definitely not a GOT episode, though I can see where you are coming from. Glad you liked the write up.
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Anna!! A movie is a movie and it has to be reviewed!! Where better than this place????
#pornsies
#moviesies
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I think I may have liked then ending better if the girls weren’t sisters. That’s a little too icky for me, lol. I watched a 70’s porn once, purely to see Traci Lords. I was very disappointed. Stunning face, as I expected, but horrible tits and the hairiest vag I’ve ever seen in my life! It was a little nauseating, actually… :-p
#baldisbeautiful
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We appreciate you commenting sister, didn’t have you down as an avid porn watcher. hehe.
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Haha! I’m not, but I was very interested to see what Traci looked like back then. She’s quite the stunner!
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Hehe, nothing wrong with watching a bit of porn here and there.
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Nope, nothing at all. I used to watch it a bit more when I was younger, but I honestly can’t remember the last time I sat to watch one recently. It’s been a very long time, hehehe.
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As opposed to me who regularly watches it, hehe. I’m still a good guy at heart though.
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Pfft, watching porn has nothing to do with being a good guy or not! I honestly don’t know why people make such a deal out of it. Sex is normal, just part of human life.
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I’m glad you think so sister. Didn’t want you to think I was some dodgy guy or something.
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Not at all, Doll. Not at all.
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Aww you’re sweet. Glad you liked our joint review, I really did try to articulate my thoughts into something good and Eric more than delivered with his part of the entry.
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Yup, you guys did a great job. It was a very entertaining read 🙂
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We do aim to please with our saucy and ribald thoughts.
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Is that last sentence innuendo, Forever Friend?
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Sometimes you just gotta watch a porn….
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Gotta agree with you there boss.
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Gotta sign off now boss. Really happy you let me take part in this, the reaction has been great. You’re the best Eric, catch you tomorrow.
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See ya then!
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Hopefully we can do it again soon Eric. Adios for now, my bed is calling me.
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She was a hot act back in the day!
#tracilords
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What’s wrong with a little sister on sister orgying???? Hey! A million times yes on your invite! I’ve been a busy IPC this weekend so I am just now trying to get caught up. I’ll formally accept when I can get back to my laptop!
#baldisbeautiful
#soistrimmed
#foreverfriends
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YAY!!!!
#foreverfriendsforever
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Guys keep up the good work, it’s a funny four-handed review…ok, enough with the double-entendres, I agree with Luke: the comment about the siblings was brilliant, although I think I won’t watch this one, Burt-Reynolds-mustachioed men notwithstanding.
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Thanks Marta, nice to hear the Burt Reynolds mustache guys getting a mention, hehe.
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well, I must confess I have a soft spot for Burt Reynolds 😉
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I think most women do, especially that Cosmo centerfold he did in the 70’s.
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Would you like to see some Burt in next Sunday’s reader request spot?
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I’d love that!
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The wheels are already in motion!
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Great! I can’t wait to see what you come up with.
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I’ll do my best, I promise!
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🙂
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Back atcha : )
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Hahaha!!! Thanks for reading this!!!!! Think we should do another??
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yes, I think you should 🙂
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I live to serve!
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You dirty dirty men!! Haha!! I think this is by far the kinkiest post I have ever read!!! It’s remarkably written and reminded me a lot of Boogie Nights for some reason… hmmm.. anyways you guys, nice work!!
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We both need a gold scolding Reut. Appreciate your opinion on it, ‘the kinkiest post you’ve ever read’ I feel honored.
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Anytime, Mister! It’s an interesting one, no doubt! B.t.w.my dedication post to you will arrive tomorrow. Hope you like it. ☺
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I look forward to tomorrow now Reut, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. You put a lot of effort into your work that it’s hard not to be impressed. I must sign off now, looking forward to this dedication post.
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Thank you so much, Vinnie!! You just made my day and I hope you’ll enjoy yours. Until Monday, than ☺
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Talk to you tomorrow over what I know will be an amazing post.
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I might need a spanking….. What???????????
#spanks
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Hehe, I don’t think you’d complain if it was Eva Green spanking you.
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Or Vampire Placebo!
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Ooh, I wonder what she’ll make of that comment Eric.
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She’ll probably yell at me : )
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Reut!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Dirty old men!!!!! You know me too well!! Smoooooooooooooooooooch!
#dirtyoldmen
#smoooooooooooooooch
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Hahahaha! Love this collaboration guys!!!!
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We are both glad to have pleased you Emma.
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Very funny Vinster 🙂
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It was a challenge, but at least this one had a story, most porn now is just full on sex.
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CLAM!!!
Happy Monday!!!!!
Also – Mondays can ——–> fuck off
Love Pen!!
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
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Hahahahahaha!!! I’ve heard this “Monday” character has just turned up?!!!!
MONDAY<—————————Fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ Happy Monday Dear Pen!
Love Clam : ) : ) : )
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Stupid fucking Mondays!!!! Where did the weekend go???
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
O _ o o _ O
Love PenXXXXXXX
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Good review! lol I doubt I’ll ever watch this, but looks like a good time was had.
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Well…………. you should!
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Hmmmmmmm….. You do make a solid argument. I’ll have to think on it.
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As far as movies go, I’ve seen MUCH worse : )
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Thanks for commenting mate, not a big porn fan?
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I don’t mind it, I mean, I am a man after all. Just doubt I will ever specifically look for it. There is a LOT of porn in the world.
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That is true bud, this one at least had some story though.
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Hahahahaha what a bizarre but funny post! An odd idea indeed but it made for a good read!
You and I should come up with something funny to do a joint post man…. Though I’m lost for ideas!!
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Happy to hear you dug the post. This movie, whilst being a porn had a bit of a story, rather than just the senseless pounding of today’s porn.
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Hehe those were the days…
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I don’t think I could review a modern porn, would be a hard task.
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Hahaha it probably wouldn’t be very long either!
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True, it would just be girl meets guy for sex, end of story.
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hahaha yup
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No that I don’t mind that sort of thing, you just can’t write much about it.
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I mean it could be worth a try, but it would be a challenge.
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We can think of something! Let’s do it!
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I thought this post was going to be about the TV series…
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What a lucky day for you!
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Uhm… I actually don’t know… uhm… yeah. Not my scene at all! I also thought this was a review of the TV show. I am so lucky I didn’t have colleagues/students in m office when I opened this!
Glad you guys had fun though!
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Dearest JB,
I didn’t think this would be your bag…. but – It does need to catalog everything.
#forposterity
Love,
ISC
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Very good review guys! Eric – HOW YOU NEVER SEEN ANY PORN MAN?! It’s good for the soul. This sounds pretty decent but the three girls sound a little incestous and how is one guy going to fuck three girls? He only has one dick. No wonder the poor sod couldn’t get it up – too many expectations of these lads!
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LOL – this movie is fucking great! One of the best porns I’ve never seen!
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Did you actually not watch it?! Are you an anti-pornist? 😛
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LOL – of course I watched it : ) I watch it often….
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Haha i’m getting confused!
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There’s nothing wrong with a little porn every now and then : )
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Very true! Just an appetiser!
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I like the old porns better…. a little bit more story instead of just constant fucking for 88 minutes.
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Yeah that’s true… It’s a bit tedious watching them eventually! I just used to read weird fanfic porn hahahaha! Fortunately I grew out of that
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I like my fucking to have a purpose!
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I want to fuck for world peace!
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Now we’re fucking talking!!
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I think this is how all the world’s problems should be solved!
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I can’t argue with you there…..
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We may have just found the solution to world peace… Let’s go for President (you) or Prime Minister (me)! Yours sounds better!
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Sounds like a plan! Now where’s my birthmark pic???
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It’s coming! I’ll try and get a good pic later! It’s really odd, it doesn’t come out well in pics but it’s very clear IRL
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I guess you better come over and show me, then! : )
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Yes I know!
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#kisskiss
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Kiss kiss miss you!
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I miss you too!! Stop being such a stranger : ( I need to:
#purposefultouching
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I know! I’ve actually been an awful person lately 😦 I’m sending you my shit fest review soon!
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YAY!!! Hurry hurry!!
#kisskiss
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Smothering you in virtual kisses!
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YUMMMMMMMMMM!
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It would be fabulous! Shame you live far away!
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I KNOW : ( : (
pout pout
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It must have been a hard job for him.
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I don’t think so 🙂
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Hehe, naughty, naughty.
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