THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY (1966)
Normally for these Half Ass Reviews I try and go off about something totally unrelated to the mainstream movie in question but, this time, I thought I’d give a true life tale about this thing. I don’t remember when it was that I tried to watch this – I think it was last summer, around the time I watched ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST (I think) and I fucking hated this movie SO MUCH that even I quit it. I remember facing some (usual) public shaming and even got a call from my friend Lem who told me to finish it or he was through looking at this site I created for him and I. I told him “OK” and re-ordered it and here we are.
This movie is three fucking hours long and I understand that this is a classic but for 2 and a half hours this movie irritated the fuck out of me. I hated the mono sound, the gunshots, that whistle noise, the guy who played The Ugly and just about everything else. But I am not too proud to admit that I thought the last thirty minutes were really fucking epic and I can see why this is so highly regarded. That run around the cemetery was amazing and that three way stand-off was absolutely brilliant. So – if you haven’t ever seen this and want to dip your balls into a classic western – and you hate noisy PYOW PYOW PYOW gunshots and whistling in general, skip the first 2.5 hours and check out the last 30 minutes.
A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES (2014)
Liam Neeson finally breaks out of the character he’s played in his last eight movies and plays a grizzled, old cop again. This time he teams up with the guy from THE GUEST and they travel, on horseback for some reason, searching for a particular cemetery which houses a grave filled with Confederate gold. Along the way, they smoke a lot of small cigars, tangle with The Union Army, blow up a bridge and have general misadventures while the director uses an irritating whistle sound effect constantly.
Upon arriving at the cemetery in question, Lee van Cleef rises from the dead and challenges the pair to a shootout. “That’s my money, you Yankee bastards!!!” he sneers, ratlike in his appearance. “I’ve got a very particular set of skills,” replies Neeson. “It involves me frowning, furrowing my brow and growling a lot.” “Fuck you! I was in THE NEBRASKAN!!!” van Cleef screams and blows the guy from THE GUEST’s pretty little face all over the South Dakota countryside. “That wasn’t part of the script…” Neeson mumbles, wondering how the female bloggers that read this site and lust after Dan Stevens will react. Having mutual respect for each other’s stony acting abilities, the two survivors split the money, van Cleef returns to his grave and Neeson rides off into the sunset texting someone about his giant cock.
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me
The sacrilege Eric, no I’m only joking. Gotta love the soundtrack to The Good, Bad and Ugly. Plus Clint Eastwood is a bad ass.
LikeLiked by 2 people
As old as I am, maybe I just came from a different time – this really did nothing for me………………..
LikeLiked by 1 person
I completely respect your opinion brother. And by the way, you are not old.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What can I say…. it’s not my type of movie…….
LikeLiked by 1 person
No boobs in it then? Hehe.
LikeLiked by 1 person
nope – it was loud and noisy and obnoxious and long and I hated the guy who did The Ugly….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I must off now buddy, duty of Satrap to uphold. Catch you tomorrow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have a nice evening!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It went quite well actually.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No naughty tales to tell though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tombstones would probably have been better with Lee van Cleef in it. lol
Great job as always. Love the banner at the top too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL – Tombstones could have used a lot more of SOMETHING hahahaha!
Thanks!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
#true
I found it pretty boring actually. I won’t ever watch it again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nope… no need….
#nope
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re completely wrong about The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. You have my pity.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry I don’t like all of the same things that you do.
thx
LikeLike
You never cease to fascinate.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Greatest compliment ever!
LikeLike
Isaacs, have you seen the HBO series “Eastbound & Down”? Seems like something you would like. It’s pretty hilarious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I watched a few episodes… I think over the years I’ve established my hatred for Danny McBride so I didn’t get too far into it….
LikeLike
My favorite character is Stevie, his yes-man. No matter how stupid of a thing Kenny does, Stevie praises him for it. I just watched season 4 and thought it was pretty hilarious.
Here is a dialogue from season 4 I thought you’d like:
KENNY: It’s time I opened up a restaurant chain!
STEVIE: (excited) Are you serious?
KENNY: Mm, hm. It’s gonna be called T.N.T. Know what it stands for?
STEVIE: Some kind of code, or something.
KENNY: The first T is for Taters; the N is for and; and the final T is for…Tits.
STEVIE: (awestruck) How, how on earth did you come up with that!?
KENNY: How does any genius come up with his inventions?
STEVIE: I say we rent one of those vacant kiosks in the mall.
KENNY: Ok, I like that.
STEVIE: And we’re gonna have hot waitresses with big titties poking out standing at the kiosk and people are gonna be walking by looking at our waitresses and smelling them potatoes cooking in the microwave!
KENNY: That is exactly what the mall needs! I like your thinking. And we’re gonna have a huge side bar with lots of fixings. It’s gonna be called the “Sauce Rack” to stay consistent with our T.N.T. theme; each fixing will have a sexually charged name.
STEVIE: Ooh, like Bacon bits will be “Bacon Tits”!
KENNY: Yeah, that’s good!
I’m not a Danny McBride fan, either, but he does a great job on this show. I don’t think I’ve liked him on any of the movies I’ve seen him on. I’m not sure which episodes you watched, but seasons 1&4 were hilarious, while seasons 2&3 were not very good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL – Nice! I started watching the first season and just couldn’t handle him and then they had Will Farrell in an episode and I about puked!
LikeLike
The Will Farrell character is extremely over-the-top w/ his Ric Flair wig. Stevie is over-the-top, too, but is still so hilarious.
Did you see this scene from season 1:
(Kenny driving; Stevie riding passenger)
KENNY: This new direction of my life has got me thinking about us…
STEVIE: Really? Like in a good way?
KENNY: No, I wouldn’t say that. I think I’m gonna have to let you go.
STEVIE: Kenny, don’t do this. This isn’t happening!
KENNY: This isn’t about you. This is about me.
STEVIE: Okay, okay, fine, I’m not your assistant anymore. From now on I will just be your friend.
KENNY: But then every time I saw you I’d just be tempted to boss you around and make you do stuff for me. We can’t have that.
STEVIE: I hope we get in a fuckin’ car wreck! Right now a motherfuckin’ car wreck and we both die so that we can go to Heaven and be together.
KENNY: I’m not going to get into a car wreck because I’m an excellent driver. (sips a can of beer as he drives)
STEVIE: You’re excellent at everything. Makes me sick!
LOL. It’s just so funny to me how Stevie doesn’t see the reality is that Kenny isn’t good at anything. lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice…. have you started Daredevil yet?
LikeLike
Yeah, finished it a while ago. I thought it was decent, but honestly the guy who plays Foggy is annoying and I don’t care for Karen, either. I think the guy who plays Matt/Daredevil is pretty good, though. Overall, i think the show is good, but I wouldn’t say great. Did you finish it yet?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I haven’t finished it yet but I really like it so far. I’m on ep 8 –
LikeLike
You should definitely be sure to finish soon. I think Mrs. IPC may like that series.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We’re watching it together : )
LikeLike
I can’t believe you hated Once Upon a Time in the West! 😦 I love that movie
LikeLiked by 2 people
Purely for that stunning soundtrack it deserves iconic status.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sorry my dear Clam…. I hope this doesn’t change things…..
Love Pen
LikeLiked by 1 person
NEVER!!!!!!!!!! Don’t say such terrible things Pen you meanie! : )
O _ o o _ O #pensforever
Love Clam! : ) : ) : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
OK GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pens Forever!!!!!!!!!!
Love Pen!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
LikeLike
Since we’re all being honest here, I never really liked Clint Eastwood (I know to some people this is sacrilege) but ever since I watched The Gauntlet when I was younger I thought he, and his movies, were just ridiculous. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate him and see why everyone else likes him but I really don’t like his squinty face and growly voice. Ugh. Anyways, because of my distaste for him, I never watched The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, but I might just take your advice and watch the last 30 minutes.
LikeLiked by 3 people
We’re all entitled to our opinions Melissa. I mean if we all agreed, it would be really boring.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is true. I know that I’m definitely in the minority when it comes to Clint Eastwood, though. Don’t think less of me!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
How could I think any less of you? That’s impossible, us blogging buddies stick together.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Phew!
LikeLiked by 2 people
NEVER!!!! All perspectives are welcome here!!
#bffs
LikeLike
Fair enough!!! Eastwood has always been like a father figure to me, squinty face and all : ) Who knows – maybe you’ll like it. It was so noisy and loud and long that I could barely stand it BUT – I seem to be greeted with cries of hate today because I didn’t like it….. maybe you’ll love it!?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe I will 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good luck, my friend!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll forgive you for talking shit about Ant-Man (which could suck, in all fairness) but The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is probably in my top 5 favorite films of all time. But you’re right, the last 30 minutes are the most epic. And I agree with Telltale Mind, Lee Van Cleef would’ve totally owned Tombstones.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel ashamed now……. I did love the big showdown though!!! Here’s to Ant-Man being a super stud!!
(I actually do like Paul Rudd BTW) (I just don’t think the movie looks good) (I’m sorry)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes super stud! It’s ok, I thought the same thing when I saw the trailer. I was just doing the lady like thing and busting your balls.
LikeLiked by 1 person
: )
Love it!
#ballbuster
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have to admit I haven’t seen either of these and probably never will. Westerns have never really appealed to me for some reason. Well except for reruns of Wild Wild West when I was a kid and I think that’s because of the elements of sci-fi. Oh, and I was totally in love with Robert Conrad!
LikeLiked by 1 person
KIM!!!
I think you’ll survive without giving these a look! Thanks for the read!
#quietquiet
#meatforks
#dookdook
#lovekim
LikeLiked by 1 person
I meant to say awesome reviews as always dear Eric!
#jujitsu
#bloodystumps
#tryingtowrite
#writersblockmakesmesad
#loveeric
LikeLiked by 1 person
THANK YOU, you wonderful devil!!!!!
#cannibals
#writersblocksucks
#iknowthefeeling
#sendinginspiration
#lovekim
LikeLiked by 1 person
😈😈😈😈😈
#thankyousweeteric
#penleakedalloverme
#givingupfortheday
#morehugsforyou
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes you just have to punt, Dear Kim!
#punt
#alwaystomorrow
#illbehere
#devils
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! Now I have that image of Lucy yanking away the football from Charlie Brown!
#justthinkinabout
#tomorrow
#clearsaway
#thecobwebsandthesorrow
#sillymood
#loveericalways
LikeLike
“The guy from THE GUEST” hahaha
Tombstones is actually one of the few Nesson films I… somewhat enjoyed.
BTW what is your email addy Eric? I wanna try my hand at one of these half ass refviews 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
The guy from The Guest is right!!! Everyone’s been genuflecting over him for months!!! LOL
Hey! It’s ei@theipc.me bring it, baby!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
cool, I’ll note that down and give a half-ass review a try 😀
LikeLike
Do you prefer Once Upon a Time or The Good, Bad & Ugly?
LikeLiked by 1 person
After much deliberation, I would have to choose “Once”! : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good man! Although I’m a big fan of both of them ‘Once’ is one of my all time favourite films and is the better of the two.
LikeLiked by 1 person
*fist bumps*
LikeLiked by 1 person
Liam Neeson is starting to get on my nerves… Surely you liked the score in The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, though????
LikeLiked by 1 person
I liked SOME of it : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of these is great, the other is shit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A puzzle!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So it turns out my whole blog is half-assed reviews…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Why do you say that, my dear?
LikeLike
Well Film Friday is all short reviews because I am too lazy to write full assed ones… I feel like I have been rumbled 😛
LikeLiked by 2 people
Spoiler: I LOVE your posts!
LikeLike
Your reviews are amazing and concise, have more confidence in your writing Abbi.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww thanks, Vinnie. I was really just kidding around. I like my format 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
And from your search terms, you certainly must get some unusual people on your blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I secretly suspect that all the weird search terms are just Eric.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Probably, some may be from me as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And all of those hits in the middle of the night : )
LikeLike
As a rule I hate westerns. I’m definitely not watching one that lasts THREE HOURS.
Haven’t seen Tombstones but you’ve made me want to.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just so you’re sure, you know I’m totally lying about Tombstone, right?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shit! But it sounds so good!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well…………… SHIT!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Had no idea Dan Stevens was in A Walk Among the Tombstones! Might have to give that one a chance now. As for The Good, the Bad and the Ugly…never seen it. I want to, but now I’m kind of afraid to…Lol. Nice work, Giantess!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, you Hooker!!!!
I don’t believe Stevens shows any skin in this, so you might get let down….
#skin
#itprobes
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey, I’d still have that pretty face and those pretty eyes. Works for me. 😉
#hedoesnthavetobenakedtobehot
#itprobes
LikeLiked by 1 person
#itprobes
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear PSC,
Getting wary of reading too much in the content, I keep encountering spoilers 😦
Love,
JJB
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest IJB,
It apologizes. It sucks.
Love,
ISC
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Chop,
Nope, just used to it say *spoilers follow* so I know to skip!
Love,
JB
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear JB,
It understands. Please note: these Half Ass Reviews are, in general, FALSE. : )
Love,
SSC
LikeLike
Sorry I missed this before – the funny thing is the first several times I watched Good,Bad,Ugly it was on TV – w commercials so it was 4 1/2 or 5 hours … The end is phenomenal – little things throughout too though – anyone else think Tarantino’s opening scene in Inglorious Basterds with the milk at the table – etc was influenced by that opening scene in good bad ug – glad you made it through – the next band will be called “the arch stantons” or maybe just “arch Stanton”
LikeLiked by 1 person
No problem, Lemuel! I’m sure it was!
Jeez – that would have been a show stopper for me. I barely made it through this version (no matter how good the end was)
That sounds good – much better than Lights on Night Highways….!
: )
LikeLike