EDGE OF DARKNESS (2010)
Mel Gibson comes back from exile and plays a sad, old, detective. One night he is sitting around drinking milk and watching The Late Show with Johnny Carson and his estranged daughter shows up. She’s clearly sick and dying with radiation poisoning but two thugs show up at his doorstep anyway and blast her to smithereens. Using a shotgun, they pump one round of lead into her stomach and she goes flying thirty feet across the living room. After showcasing how powerfully he can cry, Gibson spends the rest of the movie hunting down the Director of Photography and the Stunt Coordinator, investigating the conspiracy of why they put that idiotic and regretful shotgun scene in the movie.
Along the way he beats some people up and scowls and looks like he’s 90 but the most interesting thing to take from this is that, standing next to ANYONE else in the cast, he’s clearly only about three feet tall.
SUSPECT ZERO (2004)
Aaron Eckhart’s cleaved chin escapes from his face and searches the country for Ben Kingsley’s enormous, missing nose. The nose may or may not be killing people who may or may not be serial killers.
There’s nothing at all outstanding about this bland movie to write about unless we wanted to talk about that dumb scene with the ice cream truck but we won’t. Instead let’s remember how hot Carrie Anne Moss was in The Matrix and how amazing her ass looked in that leather suit.
And then, because our mind is drifting away from this boring thing about psychics and serial killers, let’s just take a few minutes to pay homage to Monica Bellucci.
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
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