EDGE OF DARKNESS (2010)
Mel Gibson comes back from exile and plays a sad, old, detective. One night he is sitting around drinking milk and watching The Late Show with Johnny Carson and his estranged daughter shows up. She’s clearly sick and dying with radiation poisoning but two thugs show up at his doorstep anyway and blast her to smithereens. Using a shotgun, they pump one round of lead into her stomach and she goes flying thirty feet across the living room. After showcasing how powerfully he can cry, Gibson spends the rest of the movie hunting down the Director of Photography and the Stunt Coordinator, investigating the conspiracy of why they put that idiotic and regretful shotgun scene in the movie.
Along the way he beats some people up and scowls and looks like he’s 90 but the most interesting thing to take from this is that, standing next to ANYONE else in the cast, he’s clearly only about three feet tall.
SUSPECT ZERO (2004)
Aaron Eckhart’s cleaved chin escapes from his face and searches the country for Ben Kingsley’s enormous, missing nose. The nose may or may not be killing people who may or may not be serial killers.
There’s nothing at all outstanding about this bland movie to write about unless we wanted to talk about that dumb scene with the ice cream truck but we won’t. Instead let’s remember how hot Carrie Anne Moss was in The Matrix and how amazing her ass looked in that leather suit.
And then, because our mind is drifting away from this boring thing about psychics and serial killers, let’s just take a few minutes to pay homage to Monica Bellucci.
You’re welcome.
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me
Sugar Pappy
These sound… erm…
Love,
Kidney
LikeLiked by 2 people
Kidney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’ve been away too long!!!
Correct!!! Both of these are erm…………….
Love,
Sugar Pappy!!
LikeLike
Hahaha! I love a half ass review! These both sound quite blah. I didn’t realise that Mel Gibson still existed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
These were both what I would consider Busy Work. Yep – he’s still around, shuffling along a three foot tall.
P.S. I’m back to work after five days off and I fucking hate it.
#shitonthis
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shit, that’s SHIT! We’re on a bank holiday today which basically means lounging on the sofa, interneting, watching films and waiting for my dinner to finish roasting. I’ll start to dread work at about 8pm tonight.
LikeLiked by 1 person
YAY for me!!!! I get to talk to Filmnerd!!!!
Whacha watching today??
LikeLike
Well, just started watching Foxcatcher but it was SOOOOOOO BORING I had to turn it off after 30 minutes. That thing is 2 hrs 15 minutes long! Looking for something else now…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That movie looks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO goddamned boring……..
#shitonthatshit
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep. 30 minutes and NOTHING HAPPENS. It might be a bonus day off today but I don’t want to TOTALLY waste my time. Just started The Signal. Have you seen it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
UMMMMMMMMM Is it the one with A.J. Bowen? I’ve seen that one and I LOVED it. If it’s the one with Fishburne – I started it and was liking it but never finished it….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I saw the 2007 one and just remember being weirded out. Maybe I should watch it again? The one I’ve got queued up now is the 2014 one with Fishburne…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really liked the 2007 one – but the third act was a little questionable…… Sweet – let me know how you like it? I was watching it one day and then got busy and never got to finish it. I thought it was going OK though….
LikeLike
My viewing was rudely interrupted. Will pick it up again after dinner. Will definitely let you know what I think.
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHA!!! Lemme know!!
LikeLike
I enjoyed Edge of Darkness quite a bit though I haven’t seen the second film. I wish I could see a lot more of Monica Bellucci though. That woman is amazingly beautiful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was disappointed with EoD… I really like Gibson (still) and just thought it was really reaching….. but I am dumb! : )
Suspect Zero is sick day filler, nothing more….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I liked it because it sort of reminded me of Liam Neeson a bit and was hoping that this would be Gibson’s Taken – but it wasn’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nope……
LikeLiked by 1 person
I quite liked the shotgun scene. Let’s be honest, we all knew the daughter was getting killed off at some point, but like that! The opening was really slow and then BAM! Most memorable death in quite some time.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I never knew a shotgun had so much power…. by the way – I’m sitting on your video until I’m off this conference call. My manager seems to have had a ton of sugar this morning so I can’t seem to get anything else done right now….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha. Don’t worry, I am sure it will be worth the wait 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was FANTASTIC!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Poor, crazy Mel Gibson. Doomed to end his life smothered in mediocrity when he used to be pretty decent.
Eckhart’s chin, Kingsley’s nose and Will Smith’s ears should go on vacation together
LikeLiked by 2 people
Poor ole Gibson……. rolling around in all of his dollar bills…….. poor bastard!
That’s a good idea – and – this may be lost on you, but they should also invite Michael Irvin’s lips!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha, yeah poor him. I had to look it up but yes, they could tag along! Hahaha!
LikeLike
HA!!!
#apicnicfortheages
#sataniclips
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was a stunt ass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
SPOILERS!!!!
LikeLike
I saw “Edge of Darkness” at the theater and liked it. I bought the “Suspect Zero” DVD a couple years back and put it on and was bored and after about 20-30 minutes shut it off. Did you finish it? lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did – it really doesn’t get too much better…
LikeLike
Did you like “Edge of Darkness”?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t hate it – I thought it was a little reachy. I still like Gibson but it probably would have been better with someone else…. maybe not….
LikeLike
That does look like about half of Carrie Moss’ ass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHAHAHA!!!
LikeLike
You should check out the TV series Edge of Darkness is based on. Quality TV.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What’s it called, Captain?
have you seen a TV show called Bosch yet??
LikeLike
It’s called… Edge of Darkness! Not seen Bosch yet; heard good things.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL – perfect!
Bosch is fantastic!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought Edge of Darkness was pretty cool, though I haven’t seen the second one. Nice work.
Nekkid ladies again eh?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest JB????
It thought It had bothered you off for too long. It has missed you and been very sad.
Love,
ISC
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear PSC,
Nope, I just went under the cover of night for a while hahahaha. I am back for now!
JJB
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest IJB,
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
ISC
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Aaron Eckhart’s cleaved chin escapes from his face and searches the country for Ben Kingsley’s enormous, missing nose.” – now THAT is a movie I’d be willing to pay full price for in the cinema 🙂
Love Clam! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
CLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let’s make this happen!!!!!
Love Pen!!!!!!
O _ o o _ O
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Please can we!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Clam! O _ o o _ O
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
We can!!!
In the mean time, now we can start working on our project!!!!!!!
Love Pen!!!!
O _ o o _ O
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s going to be MEAN and GIGGLY and PINK!
That sounds so dodgy……
I can’t wait, I can’t wait, I can’t wait!!!!! ❤
Love Clam! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx O _ o o _ O
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sounds————> FUCKING AWESOME!!!
#fuckingawesome
Love Pen!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXX
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! : D
O _ o o _ O #anfornee
Love Clam! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Anfornee!!!!
#hitbyabus
#promqueenspeech
Love Pen!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
LikeLiked by 1 person
“but you love Ladysmith Black Mambazo”
Shut up out-of-touch and untrendy Mum.
Lol!
Love Clam! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHAHAH!!!!
Happy Wednesday, my beautiful Clam!!!!
<33333333333333333333333
Love Pen!!!!!
O _ o o _ O
LikeLiked by 1 person
That line always makes me laugh – unintentionally I’m sure!! It’s like SHUT UP MUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ladysmith Black Mambazo <————————–fuck off!
Happy Wednesday my dear, dear Pen. Thank goodness it is almost Friday!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLike
HAHAHAH!!!!!!
#mums
#guvnors
Just a few more days and we can relax!!!
O _ o o _ O
O _ o o _ O
Love Pen!!!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
LikeLike
I am in a public place right now and can’t stop laughing for the life of me over that comment. Esp with the pic Sir Ipes chose to include of Aaron Eckhart. Hahahah. #klassik
LikeLiked by 2 people
I wish I could re-comment this!!! You fucking rule, Itch!!!!
#farthiccups
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha that made me laugh!!!! (I’m at work haha)
I really think we should start fundraising this project! Anyone got Sir Ben’s number?!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
My Dear Clam,
Don’t all of you English live in the same town???
Love Pen!!!!!!!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
My dear Pen! Yes indeed we do! We all live in a commune called London : )
Hee hee!!! O _ o o _ O
Love Clam! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s what I thought!!!! I’m so smart!!!!!
LOVE PEN!!!
O _ o o _ O
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are Dear Pen!! You know me so well : ) : )
O _ o o _ O Love Clam!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ❤ ❤ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so smart when it comes to the UK!!!!
O _ o o _ O
Love Pen!!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX<3 ❤ ❤ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
LikeLiked by 1 person
Because you have your secret Clam sending you information!!!! ❤
Love Clam! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx O _ o o _ O xxxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s right!!! The best Clam ever!!!!!!!
Love Pen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O _ O o _ O
#XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
LikeLiked by 1 person
The mental image of Aaron Eckhart’s little chin escaping and battling Ben Kingsley’s lost nose is probably the best thing I have experienced this entire day. My god. Genius. Why don’t people make movies like that anymore?
#nosies
#chinsies
#battletothedeathsies
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wouldn’t that be the best???????
#nosiesvchinsies
#cleavsies
LikeLike
And Daniel Radcliffe’s eyebrows!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good call, Kim!!!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Eric! I have to admit there’s a few actors that I can’t watch no matter how talented they are because I can’t stand them personally. Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, and Russell Crowe are three of them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fair enough to me! Those guys don’t bother me too much. I’m the same way with Jack Black, Dane Cook and Johnny Depp…..
#lovekim
LikeLiked by 1 person
😕😕😕😕
#youneedanewmanager
#hugsforeric
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHAHA!!!
#tuesdaysqueezings
LikeLiked by 1 person
My former boss had bipolar. Seriously 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😕😕😕😕
LikeLike
Hehe I have heard of neither of those films but hilarious post again nonetheless 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eh, you might be better off without either in your life but they’re not bad filler shit…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sir Ipesness,
These were two epically funny Half-Assed reviews. I’d like to get in on the action. Do I just pick 2 films to write up or how does this work???
Love and peach creams,
T-Brit
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sweet Itch,
Just pick a couple of movies and go to town! You can send it to me or I can make you an author on my site.
Love,
Ipes
LikeLiked by 1 person
Okee doke. I’ll have a think or two and get baq-2-u
LikeLiked by 1 person
Let’s rock, my Itch!!!
#sadnessblouse
LikeLiked by 1 person
Giantess, these never fail to crack me up. Love it.
#xoxoxo
#cleavedchin
LikeLike
I am eternally grateful for that image of Bellucci, wow she’s gorgeous.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s gonna be my wallpaper.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good call!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So every time I log on, I see her beautiful face.
LikeLiked by 1 person
She’s my wallpaper too : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
So we both share Bellucci huh?
LikeLiked by 1 person
My wallpaper is that pic of her that you posted a while back : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh now that is a great wallpaper.
LikeLiked by 1 person
YEP!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I e-mailed you regarding one of your interview posts. Hope you got it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did. We’re still on. I have one coming out this week and I can start working on your questions.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That sounds great, feel free to e-mail the questions whenever you can.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will – I’m just very slow with them : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
Take your time dude, I’m not going anywhere. My vacation’s over now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Roger that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Roger that back buddy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m also ready to work on our next 70s project this week!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh God, thanks for the reminder. I might need a little more time to send you my part of the project. Had forgotten about it while planning for vacation. Hope its good if I e-mail you my part when I can.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep – No rush, ever.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the understanding.
LikeLike
I must sign off for the time being Eric. I’m gonna watch Laura’s Toys and get my thoughts about it written. Will e-mail you ASAP, hope that’s good for you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No rush!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I may still on a little longer now. I’ll try to get my thoughts to you within the next week or so.
LikeLike
Talk to you tomorrow Eric.
LikeLike
Ignore my last comment, I’m staying on for a bit. Although it may be intermittent as I have to do some more unpacking while blogging.
LikeLike
Monica Bellucci is hot.
LikeLike
Yes.
LikeLiked by 1 person