WARNING: THIS EDITION OF HALF ASS REVIEWS IS NSFW
MAPS TO THE STARS (2015)
In this movie, Julianne Moore plays an aging alcoholic, pill taking actress who screws Robert Pattinson and gets involved in a three way. In this mainstream movie, shortly after the three way is over, the viewer is subjected to look at a semi-erect, uncircumcised penis, which I was not very fond of. Aside from The Penis and the sex, this has something to do with a ghost and a fucked up girl who wants to marry her brother. While the acting was decent enough, I didn’t really care about anything that happened in this movie and Cronenberg proves how he might not have anything left as he resorts to killing a dog.
Since I can’t seem to find any pics of that awkward three way / chub – here’s a shot of Julianne Moore’s tit and let’s all forget this movie ever happened.
In this thing, Margot Kidder plays a Siamese Twi – shit, you can’t say that anymore, right? Um – Kidder plays a Nepalese Twin who gets detached with an ax in front of a bunch of people, filmed with some sort of 18th century film stock. Oh wait, hang on. Kidder plays a lonely woman who has a one night stand with this dude and then her detached, prison-shithouse-crazy sister kills him. Or was it her because she’s out of her medication? Or was it the fucking guy with the thing on his fucking head? What’s with Cronenberg and skin lesions? So it is her? Or it’s not? I thought the sister was dead during the flashback scene? But then the doctor killed them both. But she’s alive at the end. What’s going on with that fucking couch??? I have no idea what happened in the middle of this movie and I don’t think I’ll be able to recover.
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
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