Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HALF ASS REVIEWS: MELANCHOLIA AND MAGNOLIA

*NSFW!!!*

HAR

MELANCHOLIA (2011)melancholy1

I wrote about this a long time ago before anyone read my shit and then reposted it once when I had writer’s block – you could read that in depth and very important piece HERE if you liked, otherwise we’ll use it as a companion to the Tom Cruise movie below. Oh – and we’ll use this space today to showcase something very amazing in the GIF below this one.

MELGIF2

Kirsten Dunst plays a depressed bride to be who goes around fucking strangers on golf course greens. Her sister is the chick who fucks everyone in England in those Nymphomaniac movies, Kiefer Sutherland kills himself in real life for being in this movie and then a planet collides with Earth which defies any science or logic. I figure this movie is OK – at best – but there’s so much shaky cam you might just vomit. I’ve seen four Von Trier movies and this is the only one I could say that I liked. At least no one, male or female, gets their junk mutilated in this thing. P.S.:

MELGIF1

MAGNOLIA (1999)MAG1

In this movie with a cast of thousands, Tom Cruise plays a motivational speaker who wants me to “Tame that Pussy!”, Jason Robards plays a dead man, Melora Walters is the best thing about this and we remember that John C. Reilly was actually a good actor before he became Will Ferrell’s sidekick. Literally dozens of different things are going on at the same time and then they all converge together after a fucking musical number. Oh – and this came up when I googled “Melora Walters Magnolia”:

MAG2

I can’t tell if that’s Kate Winslet or Kelly McDonald or just some random woman getting a bath in Reut’s pond but I don’t think I’ll complain. Magnolia is a really good movie – although it’s too long – and should be considered a classic when you think of the composition behind it. Has anyone ever noticed the new thumbnail I use for these posts????

***

And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.

Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me 

151 comments

  1. What a titillating post Eric. I thought Melancholia was a well done movie and Dunst was exceptional. I still have yet to see Magnolia, though the ensemble cast and sense of scope sounds very interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jmount43

    I haven’t seen Melancholia but I have seen Magnolia and I loved it, I’ve watched it at least once a year ever since its initial release. Such a great movie.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve only watched one Von Trier movie… Antichrist. I swore on everything that meant anything to me that I would NEVER watch another. That movie was the biggest piece of garbage that I’ve ever seen, and that’s really saying something. I did go to your review and you did make it seem half decent but there’s no way in hell that I will watch it. Sorry, if it seems like I’m being unreasonable but Antichrist was just so bad. Words can’t even describe how much I hated that movie. Also, in regards to Melancholia, I think Kirtsten Dunst has a weird, squashed face. It bugs me.

    I liked Magnolia.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I really enjoy the rhyming couplet of Melancholia and Magnolia! Nice work Ericsies, I haven’t seen either of these and I really should have already, but the fact that Magnolia is like five hundred hours long keeps putting me off. I’ll watch it one day!

    #fivethousandhoursies
    #magnolsies

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I passed on Melancholia because Dunst has sucked pretty hard the last few years and I can’t say I enjoy Von Trier any more than her. I saw Magnolia once and I think I fell asleep and had no inkling to go back and see it again.

    I do like the thumbnail though. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jay

    I love Magnolia. Love love. So quirky. Actually, I hated it the first time I watched it. Carried a grudge for years. Then rewatched it when I started to fall for PTA and spent a while beating myself for not seeing its brilliance.

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      It’s good! Please don’t harm yourself!

      #itsnotworthit

      On the other hand, I harm myself often during some of the movies I watch out here….

      Like

  7. HAHAH!! MY pond? That’s splashing Kate Winslet there, my darling friend… :-)))))) Loved Melancholia, especially Kirsten’s Rotten depressed attitude. Magnolia is o.k., but WAYYYYY to long as you said. Half Ass Reviews kick ass!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Eric! I have to tell you I HATED both of these, but especially Melancholia. Although it looked beautiful I just couldn’t stand the characters. I was actually crossing my fingers for a planet to colide with Earth for real just to put me out of my misery. I suppose I could’ve turned it off, but I always try to stay around until the end. Great stuff, though. Love me a half ass review.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’ve never seen either of these, Probemeister! I’ve been curious about Melancholia though. Think I’d like it or think it was super duper weird? Also, I’m beginning to think you know longer find the boob gifs/pics–I think they find you…

    #melancholicprobes
    #itprobes
    #xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: