AVENGED (2013)
In this movie, a very frail and feeble, deaf and mute girl inherits a bad-ass muscle car from her dead dad. She then decides to drive it across the country to move in with her boyfriend. Somewhere out west in the U.S., she pulls over to take a fucking selfie, witnesses a murder, then gets murdered herself. Luckily for her, there’s the evil spirit of an American Indian nearby who decides to inhabit her dead body and bring her back to life so he / she can exact revenge on the people who killed her and the people who skinned his ancestors alive back in the day.
I really thought I was going to like this movie but I really didn’t. It started off OK and then there was some gut pulling but it just kept getting more and more ridiculous as the thing went on. This actress is so frail and wimpy looking that I just couldn’t believe in what she was able to accomplish, inhabited by a dead Indian warrior or not. Her body is also rotting but mystical with a bow and arrow. As always, I encourage people to give it a shot because a man has to learn on his own, but I didn’t give a shit for this thing.
THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON (2015)
The Avengers storm eastern Europe killing hundreds of people and destroying a thousand years of culture created by The Human Race. Later, The Avengers destroy a promising African town, killing more and more people and causing billions of dollars in damage. At the end of the movie, they are tried by an International Tribunal for War Crimes, are quickly found guilty of Crimes Against Humanity and are subsequently put to death by firing squad. In the mid-credits scene, Bruce Banner and Black Widow have uncomfortable sex and, as he nears his ejaculation, he gets so excited that he turns into Hulk and ends her career as an Avenger. In the post-credits scene, a distraught Hulk takes his first shit in 60 years and destroys Upper Manhattan. In the post-post-credits scene, I really did just see the grown man who works the deli in my building kiss his dad on the lips.
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me
This post made my Monday morning Eric.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mission accomplished!!! Huzzah!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And that gif cured my temporary blue balls.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ummmmmmmmmmmm – glad I could be of service!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Definitely was of service boss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy Monday!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And a Happy Monday to you boss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Half assed and more enjoyable than reading half of the proper reviews I’ve read :p
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, my good man!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, Eric! Haha ha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Did I get you with the whole “Hulk takes a poop” thing ??? : )))))))))))))))))
LikeLike
It was the transformation into the Hulk. And the circumstances. I actually honked with laughter. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
HAHAHAHA!!!! Perfect!!!!!
LikeLike
Pen!!! Neither are for me I fear 😦
Monday….Tuesday tomorrow!
Love Clam O _ o o _ O xxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Clam!!!!! Fair enough!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow’s a big day around here!!! Does everything look good to you????
Love Pen!!!
P.S. O _ o o _ O and #minions
LikeLike
Ha Ha! What a great way to start the week Eric!😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!! Happy Monday dear Kim!!!!!!
#wheresyourhat
LikeLiked by 1 person
And Happy Monday to you sweet Eric!
#smileyousonofabitch
LikeLiked by 1 person
WHOOOOOOOO!
#dontdrinkthat
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊😊😊😊😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
: )))))))))))))))))))))
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha. Fuck Whedon. You should have written Age of Ultron!
LikeLiked by 1 person
HA!!! I’ve put myself out here. presenting like a whore but Hollywood hasn’t bitten…. @_@
#qotm
LikeLiked by 1 person
These reviews are pretty freaking wonderful. You’re hilarious.
#satanicbestiesforever
LikeLiked by 1 person
THANK YOU my #satanicbestie
I have something here for you that I’ll put on your post this morning : )
#crepesforever
#satanicmarkereyebrows
LikeLike
Great post, as always!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you most kindly!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shame. I thought you would like Avenged…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did too………….. : (
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awesome! Love the gifs – top and bottom – and really dug that Avengers review. lol
Avenged doesn’t look half bad, but it is the sort of trap I usually walk into knowing full well what is expected. Great job Eric!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do try!! Thanks so much!! I really wanted to like Avenged but it just kept getting silly to me – maybe you’ve really like it!
I do love some heaving ScarJo : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
Who doesn’t love #heavingScarJo 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
AMEN MY BROTHER!!!!
#allcaps
LikeLiked by 1 person
So this is the “adult content” my mobile service provider saw fit to block!
For my money, both of these sound Shitfest worthy. Loving the half-arsed reviews, but the way (sorry, I just can’t bring myself to say “ass”).
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think so!!!!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So… Someone is murdered for taking a selfie?? Cool! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
YEP!!!
#noselfies
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a fair review of Hulk and Co 2.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I appreciate that!
#goodlad
LikeLike
Hahahahahahaha that Avengers review!!!! Apparently, I missed a lot when I saw it…
#avengingprobes
#xoxoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
: )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
#itprobes
#< 3
#xoxoxoxox
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pappy
That African town is actually JHB CBD… I was unfortunate to sit in rerouted traffic for fucking hours when they shot it here.
Except our cops are never so speedy with response and would likely have run away
Kidney
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sweet Kidney,
That really pisses me off. I know that happened in the past but do you want me to come over there and kick someone’s ass????
Love,
Sugar Pappy
LikeLike
Kind sugar pappy
Can I give you a list of names???
Love,
Kidney
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest Sweetest Kidney,
I’ll take them out one by one like those dudes on Game of Thrones.
Love,
Sugar Pappy
LikeLike
You know that if that Winter Soldier was there with the Captain I would have tripped down to see you an reroute traffic be damned, we would go research for science 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
#pervs
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was mighty interested in finding Thor’s hammer down there, but sadly it seems like it was only stuntmen on set 😦
LikeLiked by 2 people
WOOOOOOOOOOOAH!!!
#pervs
LikeLike
LOL! Oh man, the DISAPPOINTMENT!
LikeLiked by 1 person
#perverts
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your description of The Hulk/Black Widow lovemaking has left me with a mental picture I might never shake…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mission Accomplished!!!
LikeLike
Scarlett on a ball perfect! haha
LikeLiked by 1 person
AGREED!!!!!
#baller HAHAHA
LikeLike
LOL! I didn’t rush out to go and see the new Avengers and I will wait for DVD, though the trailers did look better than the last one. I will see when we get to it. As for Avenged? Looks like a total waste of time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The Avengers is the Avengers and nothing else. I really wanted to like Avenged I just couldn’t get into it…….
LikeLiked by 1 person