It’s time again for another “Luke Abbott Interprets”!! Luke gets a movie poster and ten stills to try and figure out what’s going on in the movie – and in my brain!! Please see our previous installments HERE and HERE.
And I’m back, bitches! The movie critic so good he doesn’t have to even see the movie, he just has to look at ten photos and he can review it there and then. Mad Max: Fury Road? Ten stars out of five. Next! Jaws. Six top hats! I’m on fire! 50 Shades of Grey? I might need more than ten pictures. And twenty minutes alone to fully decide my final ver… hey, let’s move onto the actual article before this gets weird, shall we? For those of you that haven’t been here before, Eric has asked me to describe the movie: Blood Splattered Bride, before I have even seen it. All I have for clues are the following ten pictures. Let’s see how I get on!
Ah, the bride! Beautiful, even if she does have a face so miserable, I swear I forgot to do the laundry this afternoon. Maybe that’s where the blood splattering comes in? She needs to punish me, because I haven’t gotten around to fixing the dishwasher yet (NEXT MONTH, OKAY, BITCH?!). Women, amiright? (I wouldn’t know – I am not allowed near them after that court order from The Creative Fox Den).
OK, this escalated quickly. Now I am feeling a little perverted that I personified myself as the husband in this scenario. Well, at least, I don’t think I am in trouble about the dishwasher anymore.
Now that looks a tad… creepy. Is the bride a spirit passed down from hundreds of generations to feast on the souls of young ones? If so, this marriage ain’t gonna last.
Ohkay…. is this the bride? Is she a part of a cult? Stabbing men for not fixing the dishwasher? OK, I get the fucking message! I will do it tomorrow. Right after I called my divorce lawyer…
And the cult was quickly taken care of! Cheers, divorce lawyer! I am a little concerned that you buried the boobs last, but hey… who am I to argue with your special set of skills?
Even though I am still in mourning over my ex-wife, who happened to be part of a cult, deep down, I am a practical man. I need to marry again. And I am definitely digging this little number right here. If her top was any lower, it would match her IQ. So, in short, just my type. Amiright, fellas! Up top!
FUCK! Is this actor who they hired to play me? He looks like a drunken sleaze-ball alcoholic, who spends most of his time online, probing strangers on Twitter! He is nothing like me!
Tell you what, while I am not happy about the casting of myself, the woman asked to play my ‘Blood-splattered Bride’ has nailed my ‘Jesus – Away in a Manger’ fetish down to a tee. If only other women would play along… And yes, I am looking at Miss The Creative ‘Restraining Order’ Fox Den!!!
Hmmm… my manger’s getting a bit full. Perhaps I have one too many brides. Maybe, I should look at myself in the mirror and question whether this is all worth it. Is this the lifestyle I want? Butchering the women I love the dearest just because it fits in with some sick desire in my heart about Jesus symbolism. Maybe I’ve gone too far into this twisted world my mind has become! All because my first bride frowned at me over a dishwasher. All I had to do was fix the dishwasher, love her back and then I would find true happiness. Killing random women isn’t true happiness! It’s just white noise! Deep down, all I wan… ahem… my character wants is true love. Maybe, just maybe, it’s not too late. I change my ways, turn my life around and find a bride that does need to be blood-splattered to truly appreciate me for what I am.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is: please accept this cordial wedding invitation to mine and Whipwoman’s Wedding. We are very happy together and we want you to share in our moment of happiness. We are sure it will be a… Red Wedding!
Love this post! Can’t stop laughing, Luke you’re the best.
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Luke did very well here, today! He’s lucky and was able to avoid The Lash!
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Hehe, it certainly was a well done post.
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Thanks Boss!!
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I kind of like being referred to as a boss, really boosts my ego.
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You got it, Boss!
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Hehe, my ego is getting bigger by the minute.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I love this so much! “If her top was any lower, it would match her IQ.” I’m dying. This is a pretty spectacular idea for a post. Love love love it.
Also, you’ve redeemed yourself, Luke. Consider the restraining order cancelled 😉 Just make sure you steer clear from those tranquilizer darts, inflatable rafts and rocky road ice cream.
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Good morning!!! Luke is one of those crazy English bastards so he’s probably already drinking “ale” and playing darts so I’ll reply for him:
Allo and g’day, matey! Cheers guv’nor!! God save the Queen!
(#satanicbestiesforever)
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Top ‘o the morning to ya!
#sataniclampalways
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G’day!
#alwaysandforever
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I think I’d probably be in the same category as Luke.
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HA HA HA!
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We’re both crazy English bastards.
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Yes you are!
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And proud of it Eric.
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Hilarious! But I still have no idea what the film was about (or what you thought it might be about) to be honest.
Great idea/concept too 🙂
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CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
Here’s the concept – just for the record – a dude and a chick get married and he’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOO horny they have sex constantly. Eventually she’s tired of it so she tries to kill him but he kills her instead. Her and the ghost of a centuries old woman who did the same thing. A very odd movie.
Love Pen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXX
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Wow, it sure sounds eventful Eric.
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HA!!
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This was that film you mentioned the other day about the guy constantly boning his wife.
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Yep! I’ve never seen such a horny dude….
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Not even in the blogging world?
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hmmmmmm Maybe Brian…..
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Anyone else?
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Luke?
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I think I’d beat them both hands down.
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LOL
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I’m serious, I’m the king of sexy around these parts.
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Fantastic!
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Not that I’m boasting or anything.
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Sounds odd!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ Thanks lovely Pen O _ o o _ O
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Happy Thursday my dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dearest Clam!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Haaappppppy Thursday my dearest, bestest, wildest Pen! O _ o o _ O
Love Clam 🙂 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
P.S ❤
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Got big plans today, dearest Clam??? I think I’m going to send you an email in a couple of minutes if you can check it out.
Love Pen!!!!
———–> O _ o o _ O
P.S. XXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Neither do I…
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Awesome post! lol
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Isn’t it beautiful???
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Great post Luke! Nice job especially since you didn’t see the movie. This is a great idea!
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Thanks Kim!!!! I don’t know where that oily, English bastard is off hiding but THANK YOU!!!!!
#lovekim
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This is another really cool idea! I’d love to know how you guys think up these things. You’re creative geniuses!
#hugsforeric
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THANKS KIM!! You’re so nice to me!!!!
♥♥♥♥♥
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😘😘😘😘
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: )))))))))))))))))))))
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By the way – how’s your head??
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This is one of the bad ones. I spent 4 hrs at the ER and it’s still not completely gone 😖😖😖
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Oh man…… I’m so sorry!!
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Thank Eric. Every couple of mos. I get slammed with one of these really bad ones. It usually takes a few days to pass, but it will.
#loveyou
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OK – let me know if you need anything!!
#gentlehugs
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Thank Eric.
#morenapping
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Good call, Kim! Get your rest!
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Stuck in filming. But after a hard day of acting and producing, I am finally enjoying the several lagers I deserve and crave.
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Good call!
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These win every time. The manger fetish is killing me. Also, Eric, the simple yet to the point “luke abbott is drunk” tag cracked me up. The real question is have we ever known Luke Abbott sober…? 😉
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I don’t think I’ve ever known Luke Abbott sober…
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Sounds accurate. 😉
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I should probably just tag every post with that, huh……..?
#itprobes
#hendricks
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I mean, if the shoe fits…
#itdrinkstoexcess
#itprobes
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*shrugs*
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You always bury the boobs last. Amateur!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Best comment ever!!!
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Were those stills all from one the one movie?! Good god I think Luke did a pretty good job!!!
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LOL! Oh wow, yep, this looks like the movie that would get people to swear off of marriage. Luke, I think you need to contact the studios and talk to them about that casting… in fact, SUE!
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Reblogged this on takutnonton – horror movie reviews.
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Reblogged this on takutnonton – horror movie reviews.
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