There’s not much of a theme here today other than here are two movies that I absolutely hated…. let’s see what happens….
HIGH ART (1998)A Young and Leggy Radha Micthell gets her gay on and her clothes off in this art house movie about drugs and photography. Ally Sheedy is an angry lesbian who lives upstairs. Her bathtub is leaking so Mitchell goes up there without a bra but with a monkey wrench and fixes it. Along the way they fall in love and Sheedy’s dope-dealing ex-girlfriend ODs.
This movie was totally stupid and not my thing but I did get to see most of Patricia Clarkson’s boobs. This movie can go overdose itself into the next lifetime. “This is a really good movie!!!” Said no one, ever.
IT (1990)Did this REALLY scare you as a kid?
Seriously??
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC!! Have a GREAT week!
But WAIT!!!! That’s not it!!! Today we have a VERY SPECIAL Guest Half Ass Review from my good, dear friend Laura over at FILMNERDBLOG! Do you follow her?? You should. That site is one of my absolute favorites! Let’s see what she has for us today:
HALF ARSED REVIEW: OUIJA (2014)
This is a perfect example of the half-arsed, lazy, horror-by-numbers snorefests that seem to be so popular right now – I’m looking at you, The Conjuring. Much like that one, this is totally devoid of originality – and most unforgivably – it’s also completely scare-free. Ouija is what I like to call ‘horror-lite’. That is, a so-called horror film that’s actually about as frightening as having a lovely cuddle with a cute, fluffy little kitten who won’t stop purring*. Even the cheap jump scares these films rely so heavily on were so obviously sign-posted as to be visible from space.
*allergies and phobias not withstanding

You see that? Where the arrow is? That’s a jump scare.
If you’re still curious, you might feel like you’ve seen this before when I tell you that the plot, such as it is, centres on a group of friends who try to contact their recently deceased chum after her apparent suicide. Obviously when they use the Ouija board, it’s not their friend who responds but an evil spirit, who begins to pick them off one-by-one.

Yaaaaaawn!
The total absence of any remotely frightening content, a weak script, naff CGI and the thinnest of plots make for a thankfully forgettable affair. One shining light can be found in the adorable Olivia Cooke, of Bates Motel fame, although even she can’t salvage this load of old crap. This film is just LAME.

She’s good, but she can’t save this one
Score: 3/10 because they didn’t even try
THANK YOU LAURA!!! You rock AND roll! Want to be a part of the Half Ass / Arse Review team? email me at ei@theipc.me for details!
Great post, loved it. Laura’s part was great and a good addition to these Half Ass Reviews.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Vinnie!! Took the day off to recover from these allergies…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope you’re feeling better dude.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think the extra day is helping…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s good man, what allergies do you have bud?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t think you have them over there but they are called cottonwood trees and they kill me every summer when they bloom…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sorry to hear that Eric, I gotta sign off for an early start tomorrow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have a good one!
LikeLike
Cheers Vinnie!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I am always happy to spread the good word about the great work of others.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good stuff per usual. How could anyone not be scared of Pennywise and his fangs? #clownsaretheworst
LikeLiked by 3 people
I think It has got to be the film that made a lot of people terrified of clowns.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Agreed. Pretty frightening for any one under the age of 99. lol
LikeLiked by 2 people
You hit the nail right on the head there.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I just saw this for the first time recently and he didn’t really do it for me…. : (
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think watching it at a younger age is really where it all comes into play.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fair enough!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s the best hashtag ever #clownsaretheworst
LikeLiked by 2 people
Maybe, but highly accurate! lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great way to start the week! I’m still scared of Pennywise!
LikeLiked by 3 people
He is a freaky character that screams creepy and nightmare inducing.
LikeLiked by 2 people
And those teeth!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Chilling indeed.
LikeLiked by 2 people
WOOO HOOO, Kim!!!!! Happy Monday!!!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy Monday Eric! I hope your allergies are better. I’ve got the review on Mailman posted! Thank you again for recommending it.
#loveeric
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just read it!! I love it! I’ll get logged into WP later and give it a proper comment or twenty!!
#lovekim
#mailman
LikeLiked by 1 person
No problem. I just didn’t want you to think I had forgotten!
#hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
Never!! I’ve been waiting for this day!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Phew! I hope you like the review.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved it!! How did you like that bathtub scene?
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
RIGHT??????
#epic
LikeLiked by 1 person
You never steer me wrong Eric!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And I never will!!!!!
#lovekim
#thinkingofyou
#protection
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yay! You’re not going to believe this, but we’re under a tornado watch until 8pm.
#loveeric
#hugsforyou
#brownrice
#wheresyourhat
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a load of shit!!! Did you make it through OK??????????
#lovekim
#notornadoes
#nomigraines
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good morning Eric! No twisters. Usually it’s the western part of the state that’s the most threatened. We’re supposed to get some really bad storms later though. Yuck!
#loveeric
#badmigraine
#oww
LikeLiked by 1 person
Batten down the hatches!!!!!!!!
Let me know how it goes and if you need anything : )
#lovekim
#fingernails
#noheadaches : (
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Eric. I really should have been a meteorologist. My head tells the weather much more accurately than the computers!
#loveyou
#neednewpolish
#icepacks
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe it’s no too late??? : ) : )
#loveyoutoo
#gifs
#itshotherenow
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish. Sigh.
#stupidweather
#lovegifs
#airconditioning
#squeeeze
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank goodness for A/C!!!!!!!!
#gifsarefun
#loooooooooooooooove
LikeLiked by 1 person
We’d be lost!
#loveeric
LikeLiked by 1 person
#thehorror !!!!!
#huuuuuuuuuuugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
#ohhh
#theinhumanity
#looove
LikeLiked by 1 person
HA!!!!!
#barbarians
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahah! Love it! I have no intention of watching High Art. I saw the other two. Never was afraid of clowns (apparently I’m in the minority with this one). And yes, Laura, Ouija was just a ploy to get money. Nothing interesting going on there. Great reviews!
#satanicbesties
LikeLiked by 2 people
Never watch High Art my #satanicbestie !!!! I’m here to protect you from that kind of shit!!
#frenchonionforever
#sataniclamps
#crepescrepescrepes
LikeLiked by 1 person
My hero!!
#satanicbestiesforever
#creepsiesforever
#crepescrepescrepes
#yesbroccoli
LikeLiked by 1 person
#satanicbestiesforever
#nooatmeal
# scenicroutesiesalways
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mel’s not afraid of clowns? That’s just weird! You’re clearly VERY BRAVE!
LikeLiked by 2 people
(neither am I)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Weird, I tell you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! I never found them very scary. Now spiders on the other hand… That’s scary!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yep, I agree with that. Like I said, too many legs. Why do they need so many legs?!
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s diabolical!
LikeLiked by 2 people
#fuckspiders
LikeLiked by 1 person
#YES
LikeLiked by 1 person
#forever
LikeLiked by 1 person
#andever
LikeLiked by 1 person
#andeverandever
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great stuff! Btw how do you find these obscure and terrible films?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think they find me….!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha…
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is what it is!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha!! Great stuff as usuall Eric my man!
Keep an eye on your inbox, I’m gonna be sending you some half arsed reviews myself! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, matey!! Bring em on!!!
LikeLike
Goddamn I like your jobs. Makes me wish every movie you watched was bad. So much more fun for me!
LikeLiked by 1 person
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! This site was built t talk about the BAD movies and somehow, some good ones snuck in. Did you ever see this??
https://isaacspictureconclusions.com/2012/08/30/closets-2010-one-middle-finger/
The WORST.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Giantess: It is confused. When It says “It” is It referring to IT or…It? Also, It has never seen It. Should It see It?
#itisconfused
#itprobes
#xoxoxo
Laura: Girl, you can go hating on Ouija because it looks like absolute crap, but DON’T YOU GO TRASHING MY CONJURING!!! Lol. 😉 Good review!! I’m sorry you had to suffer through this one…
LikeLiked by 2 people
My dear Hooker,
It should not bother watching It, unless It is trying to watch It’s It.It vows humble fealty to It forever, but It is here to protect It from things like It.
#itloves
#itprobes
#xoxoxoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry, Cara! The Conjuring is a bit tame for my tastes. Is it a coincidence that tame rhymes with lame…? Hmm…
And yes, Ouija was extremely average.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It also rhymes with shame which is how I felt about It.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was a real shame it was so tame, I thought that was lame.
LikeLike
Great work guys!
I must say that I was never a fan of the movie IT growing up and Pennywise has never, ever freaked me out. Nothing I really want to see here at all
LikeLiked by 2 people
JB???????
It did not like It at all and Pennywise more or less irritated It.
x x
LikeLiked by 1 person
PSC! It’s me!
Meh, I never get the hype surrounding it
LikeLiked by 1 person
JB!!!!!!
I wouldn’t bother with it, at all. I actually thought it was kind of stupid and you would just croak at the big end “battle”.
x x x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chop,
I have seen it. Once or twice. It was crap both times. Initially I thought I had missed the beauty of it when I was a rugrat. Seeing it later on changed nothing. That end… that whole thing… pitiful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pitiful sums it up nicely!!
#pitiful
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, that’s three people who aren’t afraid of Pennywise. I feel like I’m through the looking glass!
LikeLiked by 2 people
HA!!!
#feartheclown
LikeLiked by 1 person
Most other people do! Don’t they…?
LikeLike
Strange place to be, is it? 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest ei,
Thanks so much for having me over for some half arsed (I really can’t say “ass”, it’s too weird) reviewing. Sorry I didn’t get to this yesterday but as you know, my phone provider thinks your content is unsuitable for my delicate eyes, and I fell asleep at 9pm last night! What the hell?! That was a good long sleep. Nice.
Anyway, High Art sounds SHIT. But as for IT…I have barely any memories of it except Johnboy Walton was in it and CLOWNS ARE THE MOST TERRIFYING THING IN EXISTENCE. BURN IT, BURN IT, BUUUUUUUURN IIIIIIIIIIT!!!
Excuse me [straightens clothing, smooths down hair], I had a bit of a moment there. This is something I feel very strongly about. CLOWNS ARE EVIL AND TO BE FEARED. Not just Pennywise, either. He might have started the fear-mongering, but any sensible person will now have a lifelong terror of the things, surely? When I found out it was Tim Curry it helped a bit, but not for long. Did you see that thing about Tim Curry today? Very sad to see him so frail and ill.
In related news, I’m actually reading the book at the moment. I do love a good scare but maybe I need to change my habits, reading before bed isn’t a good idea. It is really quite scary.
Yours in rambling fashion,
fn
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest fn,
Nothing makes me prouder than having you out here, in all of your shiny, brilliant, hair straightened glory. Now, where were we? Oh yes – clowns. Clowns have never done it for me. Spiders, though, they’re the real deal. There was one on my windshield wiper yesterday and it practically crippled me.
Love,
ei
LikeLiked by 1 person
My dearest ei,
You’re right, spiders are vile. They have too many legs. Clowns really scare me, though. We used to have a Big Issue seller, in town, who used to dress as a clown. He properly scared the shit out of me.
Love,
fn
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest fn,
Shit on them!!!
Love,
ei
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on filmnerdblog and commented:
Here’s a little bit of stuff over at my dear friend Eric’s site, isaacspictureconclusion.com
He’s a big deal around these parts so, if you don’t already follow him, you really should. His site is strange and funny and there are loads of other cool dudes you can hang out with, too.
Enjoy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest fn,
THANKS SO MUCH!!!!
Love,
ei
LikeLiked by 1 person
#mutualappreciationsociety
LikeLiked by 1 person
#filmnerdsarethebest
LikeLiked by 1 person
IT isn’t very good is it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
IT was kind of terrible……
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pennywise: 2014 Villain Madness Champion… for some reason…
How do Oklahomanians pronounce “Ouija”?
LikeLiked by 1 person
That blew my mind…..
“we-ja” How is it said up there?
LikeLike
Usually “wee-jee” but I don’t hear anyone say it very often.
LikeLiked by 1 person
How do you pronounce “squeegee”?
LikeLike
“sku-jo”
LikeLiked by 1 person
How about this: “blow job”?
LikeLike
“Air-ick”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bueno.
LikeLike
IT is so good. Too bad about that remake falling through. Had a good team around it 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep…..
LikeLike
Yes, Pennywise really scared me.
Douche.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And sad about Ouija, I really wanted to see that one, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Did you just call me a douche?
LikeLike
Indeed. #forverdouchefriend? :-p
LikeLiked by 1 person
HMMMMMMMMM well, I guess I’ve been called worse.
LikeLike
Hehehe, you know I love ya!!
I have coulrophobia, so…. yeah, he scared me :-p
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess that would do it! Fair enough!
LikeLike
Oh wow! You’ve done a proper review on here! Oh wait… That’s Laura. Lol. Laura! Ouija looks like the kind of boring horror shit I can’t stand. Is it worse than Mama??? As for High Art, maybe you should watch Blue Is The Warmest Color, Eric. I’ve actually reviewed that finally! I might post it someday when the blog isn’t depressing me anymore. And, no – It didn’t scare me as a kid as I wasn’t really a kid anymore when it came out. Thanks for the reminder. Tosser. 😉 (and, yes, it still scared me anyway)
LikeLiked by 1 person
HMMMM – how to respond…
1) Ouija looks shit
2) High Art was for shit
3) Blue looks as lame as I am
4) It sucked
E) THAT scared you?????
#tosser
LikeLiked by 1 person
1) Yes
2) Probably
3) Nothing is that lame!!!
4) I’m too lazy to go look at what this is in reference to
E) Clowns are fucking creepy!!!!
#wanker
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL – I’ve already forgot what most of this is about so I’ll just say this:
#YouWanker
LikeLiked by 1 person