THE CULLING (2015) In this movie, five relatively good looking people, playing roles much younger than they actually are, are travelling through Texas to some rock festival. Along the way, they smoke some doobs and get the munchies so they stop at some diner in the middle of the night to get their jones on. It’s closed, for obvious reasons, but they stop anyway and, on their way out, they almost run over this cute little blond child. “I lost my mommy” she says so they blindly take her to her home in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.
Soon, her parents show up and put Cutsie Pie to bed and they all sit around and drink beer on the front lawn. Eventually it turns out the kid is the daughter of a demon which isn’t really a spoiler since it’s on the movie poster and the parents want to provide the comely young ladies’ wombs for more demon babies. At one point they actually show the demon and I think someone kills it by setting it on fire but it’s been so long since I’ve watched it that I don’t give a fuck and the CGI was so stupid looking you might just shit yourself out of amazement of how bad it can get.INTO THE STORM (2014)Sporting some of the actual best CGI I’ve seen in some time, this movie is probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever looked at. We watched it one night, basically because it was free and takes place in the United State I live in – and even featured some of our local weathermen and women on the TVs in the movie. I know this is a made up tornado disaster movie but it was SO unbelievable I couldn’t even stand it. I’m no meteorologist but I think the swirling wind escalates something like this: dust devil -> whirlwind -> tornadoes (and all of their classifications) -> cyclone -> hurricane. In this movie it seems like all of the planets aligned and we had some sort of hypothetical Syzygy moment where all of the planets destruct, right here on our great state. BULLSHIT!
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
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Oh… and just because it’s been a couple of weeks: