Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HALF ASS REVIEWS: NIGHTCRAWLER AND THE MIST

HARDANCENIGHTCRAWLER (2014)NIGHTCRAWLER1The guy with the most irritating last name to spell talks as fast as he can for two straight hours wearing serial rapist hair and – you know what, let’s just do this.

I know this is going to be against popular opinion but I really didn’t like this movie. I remember seeing a trailer for it and thinking that it didn’t look like something I would like and then I kind of got peer pressured into watching it. Maybe it was the setting – we were getting new carpet in the house so I spent all day out in my garage which was upsetting. I know I told someone a long time ago that I didn’t want to watch this because of Jake’s hairdo and they called me “not rational” but it REALLY bothered me the entire time.

#OCDNIGHTCRAWLER2Speaking of OCD, I just opened a bag of Chewy Spree and poured them on a napkin and there was only ONE green. 

#tic #tic #tic

Anyways, I was really put off by the hairdo and the CONSTANT stream of words coming from his mouth and I really didn’t care for the story or that ridiculous car chase towards the end. I also didn’t like the way he buttoned his collar to the top – that drives me CRAZY! The only thing I kind of liked about this was that it’s always good to see Bill “Why don’t you put her in charge??” Paxton. Sorry if I disappointed anyone : (NIGHTCRAWLER3THE MIST (2007)THEMIST1Aaron Eckhart and his chin go to the grocery store, abandoning his loving wife to die a horrible death at the hands of… wait, that’s not right. Cole Hauser takes his kid and neighbor to the hardware store to buy some insect repellent when they are set upon by… wait… no…. Tom Jane and his enormous weenus face off against flying bugs and giant spiders in this CGI laden spectacle from the guy who wrote A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors!!! That’s it!!

#PenisWormTHEMIST2I guess I could say that I liked this although the CGI-ness of it was pretty sucky and Andre Braugher used the words “I guess the joke will be on me”. Why couldn’t he just say “I guess the egg will be on my face” instead? I remember reading this short story as a kid and it scared the shit out of me. The movie really didn’t but it did have Bill “Sooner or later you have to dance with the Reaper” Sadler in it. Oh well.THEMIST3When I was looking up picks for today’s post, the following image came up. The purpose of this site has always been to talk about shit films and, while it doesn’t look like it chronologically because I didn’t start on WordPress,  Splice was the first movie I ever wrote about. I remember I re-posted it once when I was having writer’s block but if you ever wanted to read my FIRST post ever, you could do that HERE.THEMIST4

And – because earlier today I was looking for “woman sliding down bannister GIF” on google for a future post and this came up, I couldn’t NOT share! Happy Monday!!JAMIELEEGIF

P.S. You gotta LOVE the dude in the middle!

101 comments

  2. emmakwall

    Still not seen Nightcrawler but I think I’ll enjoy it despite the haircut ha ha 🙂 sorry you didn’t enjoy it Pen!!

    I love The Mist!!!! Great movie. The CGI is a little bit lame at times but I kind of prefer the ‘dangerous mob’ storyline anyway, it’s just a really good film, ending is a little shocking ha! I’ve read the short story too, if I recall it had a happier ending as well?!

    I’m a pretty big fan of Frank Darabont’s work 🙂 and NOT JUST because he wrote Nightmare on Elm Street 3!!!!!

    ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply
  5. The Telltale Mind

    I actually did not care for The Mist. Thought it was pretty boring. Have no desire to see Nightcrawler and not because of the hair, just doesn’t seem to have any appeal to me. I may watch it at some point though. Who knows. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. table9mutant

    Did you seriously reference A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 AND Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey AND ALIENS?!? WTF? Don’t talk about movies I like. It’s messing with my head! Anyway, Nightcrawler was MEH but I loved The Mist. And Thomas Jane….. #hottie 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  9. Khalid at The Blazing Reel

    Too bad you didn’t like Nightcrawler, I really loved it, the hair didn’t bother me too much. As for The Mist, I couldn’t handle the disgusting, icky creatures. I hate spiders and insects and that movie was way too gross for my liking.

    Jamie Lee Curtis! YES!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  16. Laura

    Great stuff! I hate Nightcrawler, although looking back I was very generous at the time. I liked The Mist a lot, although I agree with Emma, the townsfolk storyline was loads better than the monster stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  18. Zoë

    While I appreciated what was done with Nightcrawler, I didn’t love it like most people. But Gyllenhaal was fantastic in there. I do enjoy his work. I also quite liked The Mist, though a lot of people hate that one :/ I think it is decent, not great, but not terrible, either.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  19. caragale

    I still haven’t seen Nightcrawler, but I feel like maybe you and I would feel the same about it. It just seems so odd that I don’t know if it’d be my thing. We’ll see–might give it a go some day, but I’ve never felt super compelled to. As for The Mist…mehhhh. I just did not care for it. I keep thinking maybe I should give it another shot some day, but then I remember how much I HATE that ending. Anyway, good work, Proby!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  20. Jordan Dodd

    “I also didn’t like the way he buttoned his collar to the top – that drives me CRAZY! ”

    Hahaha!! That drove me crazy too! Though I liked the movie, he certainly did look pretty goddamn weird for the whole time

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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