Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HALF ASS REVIEWS: EXTRATERRESTRIAL AND AREA 51

HARDANCEEXTRATERRESTRIAL (2014)HARET1I don’t know much about the Vicious Brothers but I think they did a different found footage movie about creatures in an Insane Asylum… Grave Encounters maybe? It looked like shit – if that’s the movie – and I think there’s even a sequel. Was it really good enough to get your name over the title?? HMMMM … Well – this movie looked good and was actually pretty good looking but kind of lame. Kind of like me but without the “good looking” adjectives. In this thing some douchey whiners go out to a cabin in the woods to party and someone proposes. He is denied and people start to cry and drink and smoke grass and then a UFO crashes out in the trees.HARET3

Dismissing the First Rule of Interstellar Travel –> Never go to a crash site of an alien vessel without proper hazard materials – they go to the crash site and are promptly visited by aliens who can control your mind, gravity and have the ability toΒ make you blow your brains out all over your car. Michael Ironside is also in this and, since this site is about honesty, AND since I have never watched porn, I can’t ever think about Ironside without thinking about this porn I never saw that included a guy pounding away at this poor girl’s bottom for 20 minutes while a poster for Scanners is displayed in the background. Despite the hokey story and the number of misses in this, these guys put together a pretty wicked ending that I wish I could figure out how they did it.HARET2AREA 51 (2015?)HARET4A long time ago Oren Peli made a movie for a few thousand dollars and it made millions and was, at one point, the highest grossing movie of all time. Then he started doing cocaine out of strippers’ belly buttons and lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills and made this. Further, he then went on to be a movie producer with all of his fucking money and this movie sat around for six or seven years until it was finally released this summer. There’s a reason for that, you know? You know why? Because this isn’t very good.HARET5Three douches go to a party and do some drinking. One of them sees something in the woods and disappears. He shows up later in the middle of the road and doesn’t remember jack shit about where he’s been. A few years later they all break into Area 51 and unleash aliens. There’s also something about some giant alien smashing through things and busting down metal doors and underground aliens and dolls and toys and hats and some such shit and then, despite being the most secure facility on the entire planet, the aliens get free and take off in their spaceship.HARET7

This is me after that last scene:HARET6

And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.

Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me atΒ ei@theipc.meΒ 

98 comments

  1. Jay

    Somehow I’ve missed these. I mean, i don’t miss them. My life has felt complete without them, and I think you may have just incompleted me a little with that last picture. Now,w hat was going on in your life that you thought it was a good idea to sit down and watch both of these?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That chick in the image above the Area 51 poster looks like she is covered in gooey shite. So a really appropriate image for the kind of film that Area 51 sounds to be. Maybe the moral of the story is that too much money corrupts and makes you do really dumb things!

    #shitfacies
    #51sies

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOL! How could anyone forget these fundamental rules of Interstellar Travel? Idiots I tell you. That guy in the one pic looks properly stoned and shocked!

    Still, neither of them are ticking any of my “watch” boxes!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You know, I always suspected that’s what Oren Peli got up to after Paranormal Activity, but it’s nice to have it confirmed here. Money makes people do strange things, man…

    #bellybuttoncoke
    #probes
    #xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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