EXTRATERRESTRIAL (2014)
I don’t know much about the Vicious Brothers but I think they did a different found footage movie about creatures in an Insane Asylum… Grave Encounters maybe? It looked like shit – if that’s the movie – and I think there’s even a sequel. Was it really good enough to get your name over the title?? HMMMM … Well – this movie looked good and was actually pretty good looking but kind of lame. Kind of like me but without the “good looking” adjectives. In this thing some douchey whiners go out to a cabin in the woods to party and someone proposes. He is denied and people start to cry and drink and smoke grass and then a UFO crashes out in the trees.
Dismissing the First Rule of Interstellar Travel –> Never go to a crash site of an alien vessel without proper hazard materials – they go to the crash site and are promptly visited by aliens who can control your mind, gravity and have the ability to make you blow your brains out all over your car. Michael Ironside is also in this and, since this site is about honesty, AND since I have never watched porn, I can’t ever think about Ironside without thinking about this porn I never saw that included a guy pounding away at this poor girl’s bottom for 20 minutes while a poster for Scanners is displayed in the background. Despite the hokey story and the number of misses in this, these guys put together a pretty wicked ending that I wish I could figure out how they did it.AREA 51 (2015?)
A long time ago Oren Peli made a movie for a few thousand dollars and it made millions and was, at one point, the highest grossing movie of all time. Then he started doing cocaine out of strippers’ belly buttons and lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills and made this. Further, he then went on to be a movie producer with all of his fucking money and this movie sat around for six or seven years until it was finally released this summer. There’s a reason for that, you know? You know why? Because this isn’t very good.
Three douches go to a party and do some drinking. One of them sees something in the woods and disappears. He shows up later in the middle of the road and doesn’t remember jack shit about where he’s been. A few years later they all break into Area 51 and unleash aliens. There’s also something about some giant alien smashing through things and busting down metal doors and underground aliens and dolls and toys and hats and some such shit and then, despite being the most secure facility on the entire planet, the aliens get free and take off in their spaceship.
This is me after that last scene:
And that is your latest from the Half Ass Reviews division of THE IPC.
Want to be a member of the Half Ass Reviews Department of THE IPC??? Let me know in the comments or email me at ei@theipc.me
Love how you furiously deny watching porn.
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I’m very pure and chaste!
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I’m sure you are, hehe.
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You know it : )
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The complete opposite of me then.
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Are you evil incarnate?
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No I wouldn’t day that, but I’m a sexy beast with a peachy bum.
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There you have it –
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Hehe, Tarzan is not just a nickname out of choice.
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Exactly!
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So you get what I’m saying?
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I have actually seen Area 51 and I thought it was an incredibly dumb movie that reminded me how much I hate found-footage films, I’m not surprised its been on the shelf for so long.
And I felt the same way after the last scene.
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I’m not the biggest fan of found footage movies either.
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Somebody needs to kill this genre for good
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You could be the person to do it.
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Haha. Hopefully Eric’s posts can make a difference
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Let us hope.
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The IPC – making a difference since 1971
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It’s a nice tagline but I like ”hiding under your bed since 1971” better
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You and me both – I also like it better than my previous one “producing natural gas since 1971” : )
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Haha, that’s a nice one too!
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Amen!
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It was soooooooooo stupid….
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It is kind of funny how you deny it as you literally did a porn review on here not too long ago. lol
Anywhosits, good job as always bro! Love reading these. 🙂
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I have to take some of the blame for that, hehe.
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: ))))) I would hate to TAINT my image : )
#taint
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It’s impossible to #taint it anymore. lol
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#taint is right…!
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Waking up on a Monday morning to Half Ass Reviews is the perfect way to start the week! Those gifs are hysterical Eric!
#yourenotlame
#honesteric
#pureasthe
#drivensnow
#loveeric
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HAPPY MONDAY DEAR KIM!!!!!! Did you have a reasonable weekend??
#yourethebest
#happymonday
#wonderfulkim
#lovekim
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I did Eric. How was the golfing?
#ericsthebest
#hugs
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It was really fun and I actually made some decent shots… I was afraid I was going to embarrass myself because I hadn’t played in so long BUT-!!!!!!!
BUT!!!!! The most important thing to come out of it was that we made a Shitfest Introductory video : ) : )
#hugs
#squeeze
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Yay! Was this a charity tournament? I can’t wait to see the video!!! Are you going to be posting the podcast that you did with Emma and company also?
#loveeric
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It was!!
Hey – here’s the link to the podcast! Actually – a link to the link : )
https://videovortex.wordpress.com/2015/06/19/1st-episode-of-the-new-season-of-the-film-pasture/
#enjoy
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Drat! I was able to get to Video Vortex, but when I clicked on the “check it out link nothing happened. I tried it on both my iPad and Kindle. 😦
#doubledrat
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FART!!
How about this?
http://thefilmpasture.podomatic.com/entry/2015-06-19T05_55_08-07_00
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This is brilliant! It’s wonderful hearing your voices! 🙂 I like the topic too. It’s fascinating hearing why and how you started your blogs.
#penandclam
#shtifestforever
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Doesn’t Emma just sound elegant????? Do you like how slow I talk???
#southerndrawl
#shitfestforever
#shitfestwednesday
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She really does! And I love your drawl! 🙂 I have a really soft voice that makes me sound like a 12-year-old. Seriously. Several years ago someone called here and when I answered they asked to speak to my mother. Sigh. 😦
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HAHAHAHA!!!!! Maybe one day you can join the podcast : )
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That would be awesome. I’m not sure how much I could contribute, but…
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I bet you could!!
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#shucks
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#geewillickers : )
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🙂 🙂
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I just finished listening to the podcast Eric. It was really interesting. You guys gave some great advice! 😊
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I’m glad you liked it! That makes me happy!!
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😊😊😊😊😊
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: )))))))
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Hope you’re not too sunburned from all that nude golfing, you’ve got Shitfest very soon. I can’t wait and thanks for letting my post be the first one on.
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Well – technically – you’re the first one after me : ) : )
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Of course Eric, I meant the first one by someone else. You fucking rock. Can’t wait to see the reaction to mine, I want it to be hot.
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: )
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I’m signing off now for a bit, gotta shake my ass for money. Catch you tomorrow dude.
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Talk tomorrow : )
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I watched the first half of Extraterrestrial on netflix streaming, but turned it off after a while b/c it just felt recycled to me, and I didn’t like a single character. Is the end worth me revisiting?
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NO – not at all. The scene before the credits roll is very cool but you could probably just youtube that five minute clip…
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ok, i may do that.
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I’m watching Zombeavers today : )
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Oh my goodness I should have known! lol. I’ll be looking out for the review. I think I am finally gonna watch The Raid 2.
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It’s actually pretty funny…
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Like Dead Snow?
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Nowhere close to that!
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You know last time how you had a theme song for Shitfest, is there gonna be something like that this time around?
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YEP and a special video!
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I await them with great anticipation.
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Technically we weren’t able to get a song composed but I have music and lyrics for your mind to put together : )
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That sounds great. And this video, please tell me it’s sexy.
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Not really… it’s two drunk dudes : )
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I bet it’s really funny then.
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Off for lunch : )
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Catch you tomorrow bud, Tarzan is required for swinging.
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Somehow I’ve missed these. I mean, i don’t miss them. My life has felt complete without them, and I think you may have just incompleted me a little with that last picture. Now,w hat was going on in your life that you thought it was a good idea to sit down and watch both of these?
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Ha! Honestly? I thought both of the trailers made them look promising but I was really duped!
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Demand a refund! Write your congressperson!
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DONE!!
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Dearest,
That sounds like a lot of douchery for just two films. Did you see Almost Human? What a steaming turd that was.
Yours,
fn
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My dear fn,
These were pretty stinky #poo
Nope – never seen it – is it your shitfest entry??????
Yours,
ei
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Oh my god, it could be, it was soooooo bad but I don’t want to watch it again. I’ve got something else in mind… What’s the deadline?
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Dear fn,
I’m not a deadline type of guy but the sooner the easier on me ~ I’ve got this week and next week covered so – as soon as you can get it to me??
Yours,
ei
#spidervendetta
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Dearheart,
I’ll try to watch mine one evening or at the weekend and get it to you asap.
Yours,
fn
#spidervendetta
#clownvendetta
#shitfestforever
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Dearest fn,
I wait with bated breath. Or is it “baited”? Are you baiting me and trying to kill me with your eight legs????
#spidervendetta
#nomoreclowns
#shitfestforever
#tenexclamationpoints
Yours from University,
ei
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Hmm, I might have to Google that one…
#baitedvsbated
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Maybe we should go to school together to figure it out??
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That chick in the image above the Area 51 poster looks like she is covered in gooey shite. So a really appropriate image for the kind of film that Area 51 sounds to be. Maybe the moral of the story is that too much money corrupts and makes you do really dumb things!
#shitfacies
#51sies
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You don’t even want to know what happens aboard that spaceship…..
#shitesies
#corruptsies
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Lol. You’ve just ruined Scanners for me…….. Hey – I thought Shitfest was starting today! (As in, yesterday)
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Yeah……………. um… yeah……… Scanners is pretty ruined for me too……
Nope – Tomorrow!!! Which is two days from this post : )
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LOL! How could anyone forget these fundamental rules of Interstellar Travel? Idiots I tell you. That guy in the one pic looks properly stoned and shocked!
Still, neither of them are ticking any of my “watch” boxes!
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EXACTLY!!!
#fundamentals
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I’ve heard some good things about Extraterrestrial, but I really hate found footage films. They really have to be exceptional.
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You won’t love either one of these then….
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The Vicious Brothers – what a stupid name!
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I mean FOR REAL?? THAT’S what gets puts over the movie title?
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You know, I always suspected that’s what Oren Peli got up to after Paranormal Activity, but it’s nice to have it confirmed here. Money makes people do strange things, man…
#bellybuttoncoke
#probes
#xoxoxo
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You know how it goes! I’ve been to Indiana before!!
#strippersandcoke
#indiana
#xoxoxoxox
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We’re a classy state, goddammit.
#classyprobes
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And a bunch of classy broads!!
#slap
#xoxoxoxox
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