Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE SHITFEST 2015: SUMMER OPENING CEREMONY!!

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Here we go! It seems nature called and abhorred a vacuum in the universe so we’re here to  set things back to normal – and by typing that we mean – it’s time for another Shitfest!! FUCK YES!!! It’s summer time where I live so we’ll call this Shitfest – Summer and then take off all of our clothes and go jump in the lake! We’ll have to be very choosy about which body of water we jump in because we don’t want water insects creeping into our body holes, you know! Oh – and NO FUCKING SNAKES!!!

#nofuckingsnakes

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As you might realize, I’m not a deadline type of guy – I’m a free-wheeling-anything-goes Sagittarius – so I’ll keep accepting entries until the well runs dry. I do have a bunch in my possession but this is all about you – so if you were hesitant or worried, there’s still time to send over something. You can always look at previous entries at any of these links:

SHITFEST 2013

SHITFEST 2013: FALL

SHITFEST 2014: WINTER

SHITFEST 2014: SUMMER

SHITFEST 2015

You can see miraculous trophy acceptance speeches at these links:

TIM

SMASH

CARA

ABBI

LUKE

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REMEMBER – You don’t have to be a blogger to enter OR vote! Send anything you want to me at ei@theipc.me !

As always, we try and provide EXCELLENCE in our Opening Ceremonies but, occasionally the House Band gets too stoned on Mexican Dirt Weed and we are unable to produce. It happens. So, in this case, there are two parts to our Theme Song. When I first composed these lyrics and sent them over to our musician named El Diablo, he read them and remarked “I’m not familiar with the music”. I advised “Sure, you are, it was really popular when we were kids.” Then a few minutes later, he came back with “Nope. Never heard it but that singer is hilarious. You should probably put something out to keep it in context”.

So, if you’re never heard “Eye in the Sky” by The Alan Parsons Project here’s the faux video for it. Check it out and then play it again singing the new lyrics below the vid (if you want of course). Guaranteed to stuck in your head for a week and your coworkers will be AMAZED!!

Don’t think I’m not under your bed
Don’t think I’m not sniffing your head
I’ve seen you change your clothing before
I’ve watched you through the glass shower door (don’t judge me)
I watch you at night
So trust me i know when you’re dreaming

Don’t think thoughts you’re gonna regret
You know you want me under your bed
I’ve made myself a spot on the floor
and I’m keeping my eyes on the door (believe me)
Hearing you snoring
Is what makes my life so fulfilling

I AM THE IPC, AND I’M
LOOKING AT YOUUUUUU
CAN YOU READ MY MIND
I’M ALWAYS PROTECTING YOU
BENDING THE RULES
CHECKING OUT YOUR BEHIND
BUT I DON’T NEED TO DREAM ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU’RE
Giving me the sign…. giving me the sign….

Don’t fear- I’ll be so very kind
Don’t cry ’cause I ain’t changing my mind
It’s not gonna be like before
WE’LL GO ROLL AROUND ON THE FLOOOOOOOOR TOGETHER!
SINGING SHITFEST IS NOW!! SHITFEST IS REALLY HAPP’NING!!

I AM THE IPC, AND I’M
LOOKING AT YOUUUUUU
CAN YOU READ MY MIND
I’M ALWAYS PROTECTING YOU
BENDING THE RULES
CHECKING OUT YOUR BEHIND
BUT I DON’T NEED TO DREAM ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU’RE
Giving me the sign…. giving me the sign….

*

Tomorrow I’ll kick things off with some thoughts on a movie that literally made me want to puke!! When the entries run out we’ll take a week and vote for our faves – it will go something like this:

1st place = 5 points
2nd = 4 points
3rd = 3 points
4th = 2 points
5th = 1 point

Take this non-suggestive and totally made up example (those were movies I put in the last Shitfest):

Hi Mr IPC,

I totally loved shitfest and you!! Here’s my votes!

1st: That Wrong Turn 6 thing
2nd: The Mark Walker Thing
3rd: Preservation
4th: Marauders
5th: The Whose Boobs Champion thing

I LOVE YOU,

Emma Stone

And then we’ll see who comes out on top and gets the most coveted trophy in the industry!! GO SHITFEST GO!!! LET’S GO!!!

He played with those beer cans all night.

He played with those beer cans all night.

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Lastly – is anyone interested in doing a Shitfest Social? I know at least one person has suggested it – it’s just difficult to find a reasonable time for everyone around the world. What that is is where a group of us get together and watch a potentially shitty movie at the same time and talk about it in the comments section. They are INCREDIBLY fun but the time can be tricky as well as the availability of the movie where you live. You can get an idea of what I’m talking about at the following links:

THE SECRET VILLAGE

THE MOLEMAN OF BELMONT AVENUE

AXE GIANT: THE WRATH OF PAUL BUNYAN

ALONE IN THE DARK

Let me know on that one – those are incredibly fun. I guess that’s about it. Here’s your complimentary Jager shots and let’g get it on! Literally and figuratively!!!! And – let’s sign off with this highly motivational and inspirational (NSFW) opening message from your host and his good buddy:

142 comments

  2. David

    Epic opening! Now I’m singing Eye in the Sky with far better lyrics. My clothes are off and I’ve jumped into the snake-free water holding all by body holes! Let’s do this!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  4. The Telltale Mind

    So what you’re saying is that the only snakes you want to see in the water are trouser snakes right? lol

    I’ve been thinking of movies I detest, and it’s been hard, but I think I’ve come up with something for my entry. We’ll see how it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. abbiosbiston

    So what you’re saying is you’re not just under my bed? I thought we had something SPECIAL!

    I am definitely up for a Shitfest Social though. Last time was a RIOT!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

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  22. Tom

    Ipes XXL, count me in buddy. AND….sorry for my absence. I’ve only now just been able to escape the clutches of Steve Buscemi’s basement.

    #thatscenefromsilenceofthelambs
    #itputsthelotiononitsskin
    #yeahthatwasme

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  23. Zobo With A Shotgun

    Fantastic opening ceremony Eric! I imagined you were wearing a floor length red gown with a little bit of side boob ;). Would love to get involved with Shitfest if I’m allowed? 😛 Do I just email you the review? I’d like to do Lake Mungo as I hate that film & kind of want to slaughter everyone involved with it…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  25. caragale

    Miguel swooned with joy when he saw he made a cameo on this post, and he has yet to budge. It’s been a real relief since he’s spent every waking hour over the last several weeks berating me for failing to get my shit together, so to speak, for Shitfest. He’s getting pretty antsy about meeting his new sibling though. He says that he hopes he/she is hot. I find that statement more than a little creepy, but whatever. I can’t listen to your song anymore! It says you deleted you YouTube account? Sad day. I’m sure it’s a lovely ditty though.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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