Here we go! It seems nature called and abhorred a vacuum in the universe so we’re here to set things back to normal – and by typing that we mean – it’s time for another Shitfest!! FUCK YES!!! It’s summer time where I live so we’ll call this Shitfest – Summer and then take off all of our clothes and go jump in the lake! We’ll have to be very choosy about which body of water we jump in because we don’t want water insects creeping into our body holes, you know! Oh – and NO FUCKING SNAKES!!!
#nofuckingsnakes
As you might realize, I’m not a deadline type of guy – I’m a free-wheeling-anything-goes Sagittarius – so I’ll keep accepting entries until the well runs dry. I do have a bunch in my possession but this is all about you – so if you were hesitant or worried, there’s still time to send over something. You can always look at previous entries at any of these links:
You can see miraculous trophy acceptance speeches at these links:
REMEMBER – You don’t have to be a blogger to enter OR vote! Send anything you want to me at ei@theipc.me !
As always, we try and provide EXCELLENCE in our Opening Ceremonies but, occasionally the House Band gets too stoned on Mexican Dirt Weed and we are unable to produce. It happens. So, in this case, there are two parts to our Theme Song. When I first composed these lyrics and sent them over to our musician named El Diablo, he read them and remarked “I’m not familiar with the music”. I advised “Sure, you are, it was really popular when we were kids.” Then a few minutes later, he came back with “Nope. Never heard it but that singer is hilarious. You should probably put something out to keep it in context”.
So, if you’re never heard “Eye in the Sky” by The Alan Parsons Project here’s the faux video for it. Check it out and then play it again singing the new lyrics below the vid (if you want of course). Guaranteed to stuck in your head for a week and your coworkers will be AMAZED!!
Don’t think I’m not under your bed
Don’t think I’m not sniffing your head
I’ve seen you change your clothing before
I’ve watched you through the glass shower door (don’t judge me)
I watch you at night
So trust me i know when you’re dreaming
Don’t think thoughts you’re gonna regret
You know you want me under your bed
I’ve made myself a spot on the floor
and I’m keeping my eyes on the door (believe me)
Hearing you snoring
Is what makes my life so fulfilling
I AM THE IPC, AND I’M
LOOKING AT YOUUUUUU
CAN YOU READ MY MIND
I’M ALWAYS PROTECTING YOU
BENDING THE RULES
CHECKING OUT YOUR BEHIND
BUT I DON’T NEED TO DREAM ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU’RE
Giving me the sign…. giving me the sign….
Don’t fear- I’ll be so very kind
Don’t cry ’cause I ain’t changing my mind
It’s not gonna be like before
WE’LL GO ROLL AROUND ON THE FLOOOOOOOOR TOGETHER!
SINGING SHITFEST IS NOW!! SHITFEST IS REALLY HAPP’NING!!
I AM THE IPC, AND I’M
LOOKING AT YOUUUUUU
CAN YOU READ MY MIND
I’M ALWAYS PROTECTING YOU
BENDING THE RULES
CHECKING OUT YOUR BEHIND
BUT I DON’T NEED TO DREAM ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU’RE
Giving me the sign…. giving me the sign….
*
Tomorrow I’ll kick things off with some thoughts on a movie that literally made me want to puke!! When the entries run out we’ll take a week and vote for our faves – it will go something like this:
1st place = 5 points
2nd = 4 points
3rd = 3 points
4th = 2 points
5th = 1 point
Take this non-suggestive and totally made up example (those were movies I put in the last Shitfest):
Hi Mr IPC,
I totally loved shitfest and you!! Here’s my votes!
1st: That Wrong Turn 6 thing
2nd: The Mark Walker Thing
3rd: Preservation
4th: Marauders
5th: The Whose Boobs Champion thing
I LOVE YOU,
Emma Stone
And then we’ll see who comes out on top and gets the most coveted trophy in the industry!! GO SHITFEST GO!!! LET’S GO!!!

He played with those beer cans all night.
Lastly – is anyone interested in doing a Shitfest Social? I know at least one person has suggested it – it’s just difficult to find a reasonable time for everyone around the world. What that is is where a group of us get together and watch a potentially shitty movie at the same time and talk about it in the comments section. They are INCREDIBLY fun but the time can be tricky as well as the availability of the movie where you live. You can get an idea of what I’m talking about at the following links:
AXE GIANT: THE WRATH OF PAUL BUNYAN
Let me know on that one – those are incredibly fun. I guess that’s about it. Here’s your complimentary Jager shots and let’g get it on! Literally and figuratively!!!! And – let’s sign off with this highly motivational and inspirational (NSFW) opening message from your host and his good buddy:
And so it begins, what a ceremony Eric.
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YES SIR!!!!
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Woo Hoo, I’m so jumping into a lake with no clothes on.
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WHOOP!
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I take it you’re doing the same Eric.
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Yep – Lake Hefner : )
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Right on buddy, hand claps and ass slaps, hehe.
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Epic opening! Now I’m singing Eye in the Sky with far better lyrics. My clothes are off and I’ve jumped into the snake-free water holding all by body holes! Let’s do this!
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Thank you, my man!!! Let’s get this fucker going!! Did you finally get in the water with Sheena??
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Sheena is with me. That’s why I’m all smiles.
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YES!!! Is she alarmed that you are covered in fur?
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Ha! That has not been a deterrent. So far.
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Excellent.
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Who’s Sheena?
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The Queen of the Jungle!
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Oh yeah I know, I remember her being gorgeous when I saw it.
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That was a great opening ceremony. Also, are you both the Boogeyman and Freddy Kruger?
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HAHA!! I AM the boogeyman!!!
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So what you’re saying is that the only snakes you want to see in the water are trouser snakes right? lol
I’ve been thinking of movies I detest, and it’s been hard, but I think I’ve come up with something for my entry. We’ll see how it goes.
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Honestly? I would rather see neither…..
#truth
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! I can’t wait!!
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lol I commend you for your #honesty
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HAHAHA!!
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Sweet Sugar Pappy Giuseppe
THE EXCITEMENT!
Love
Kidney Guiseppe
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Sweet Kidney Giuseppe!!!!
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Sugar Pappy!!
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But if more than four people turn on Alone in the Dark at the same time I believe a sinkhole forms in New Jersey and Satan is invited to rise.
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That is actually exactly what happened.
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Is that where Chris Christie came from? I’m not totally sure I spelled his name right.
#spellsies
#darksies
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Yes, yes. We need to proceed with extreme caution.
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So what you’re saying is you’re not just under my bed? I thought we had something SPECIAL!
I am definitely up for a Shitfest Social though. Last time was a RIOT!
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I thought we had something special too – are you saying we DON’T?????????!???!???!!!
You know that collectively I hide under everyone’s bed and protect them at night. I’m like the Unclean Santa Claus.
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I was expecting exclusivity… I’m a one stalker kind of woman.
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But I have to creep everyone out, right?
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I suppose… 😑
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♥
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I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to top your Eat, Pray, Love submission, Abbi! 🙂
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I will be tackling Nicholas Sparx this time in an attempt to do so… gonna be tough.
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I have a feeling your entry is gonna be great Abbi.
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Wahoooo! So excited. I loved your motivational golf speech! Also Shitfest Social – YES, I’m in for sure!
#shitfesties
#socialsies
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LET’S GO LET’S GO!!!!! Sounds like a Social is in order! I’ll get something put together!
#socialies
#shitfest4life
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What an opening! I like your lyrics far more than the original! 🙂 And I love your intro from the golf course. I can’t wait to see what everyone comes up with!!!!
#loveeric
#hatesnakes
#stopsniffing
#myhead
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WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!! Let’s do this thing!!!! I’ve got some great stuff ready to go – this will be FANTASTIC!!!
#lovekim
#cantstop
#bindingcontract
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Awesome!
#soexcited
#loveeric
#watchout
#forsnakes
#lovedrawl
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I think I’ll be greeted with cries of hate tomorrow : ) Got my back??
Hey – did you watch Absentia over the weekend?? I might have already asked you that – I always think of things to do or say and then get busy against my will and forget and can’t remember if I did or not….
#lovekim
#nosnakes
#sniff
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I don’t think so, but I always have your back! I didn’t get to Absentia, but I’m going to this weekend. We watched Gone Girl Saturday night which was really good.
#hugs
#jujitsu
#memorylike
#asieve
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Gone Girl was pretty good but I didn’t love the ending….
#hugs
#absentia
#imold
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I thought the ending was rather creepy. Talk about a marriage made in hell!
#morehugs
#cantwait
#forabsentia
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I just didn’t like how, after all of that, they got back together……
#absentiarules
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And what were the motivations? Did he do it solely for the sake of the baby, or was the a part of him that was attracted to her like the sister said?
#ewwww
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Beats me!
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😕😕😕😕
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: ) : ) : )
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Speaking of Shitfest, I robbed my Sam Goody’s store last weekend. I took my old Human Centipede 2 DVD and they gave me $3 for it.
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May I ask what Sam Goody’s is?
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Music/DVD store
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Thanks for the info, are you taking part this time in Shitfest?
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I will probably be reading some of the submissions, but I’m not submitting anything, myself.
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I’m sure you’ll read some eventful stuff. I’m most certainly taking part.
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I should submit something for Avengers 2. lol. I think the review I wrote on my own blog was enough, though.
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I’d go for it buddy. I’m hoping mine can rake in the votes with it’s raunchy content.
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I don’t feel like thinking about Avengers 2, anymore; that chapter of my life has closed. lol. Go check out my review on my blog if you missed it.
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I did catch your review when you posted it, excellent stuff buddy. I can see that you really didn’t like it.
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Oh ok, cool. I didn’t know you caught it b/c I know when I wrote it you were on your vacation.
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I got caught up as soon as I could dude.
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HAHAHA!!!!
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Gotta say that video is great Eric. Love when the cameraman says “I’m not filming that”.
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I know! That was hilarious!
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Do you guys really probe each other when drunk?
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LOL – NO!
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What was the nickname you called your partner in crime, the bone doctor?
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Yep!
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Where did the nickname come from?
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It’s a looooooooooooooooooong story involving beer and a broad….
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Do tell, I’m curious.
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OK – maybe after while – I have some posts to work on and then lunch : )
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I understand, I look forward to hearing the story.
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Sweet! When I have more time : )
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Can’t wait to read your review Eric, I’m sure it’s gonna rock.
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Happy Shitfest! Might be safer to stay off the golf course while there are shitty movies roaming around tho. http://i.imgur.com/Dw0I7VE.jpg
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HAHAHA!! Just when you thought it was safe to putt!!
Happy Shitfest!!!
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Yay~! Shitfest! I already updated you on the status of my post 😉 And yes, I’d be down with a Shitfest Social if time works out 🙂
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YES ON ALL ACCOUNTS!!!!!!
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HOLY WHACK CRIMINAL BATMAN! Is that John Goodman?
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The Bone Doctor?????
Nah – that’s just Bruce : )
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Hahaa, I’m totally down with Shitfest Social by the way, although, I do hate horror so it could be pretty amusing for all you folks
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SWEET!! Sounds like it’s a go! I’ll get something put together : )
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SWEET!! I’ll get the jagers in!
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Like a boss!!
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Who the hell doesn’t know Eye In The Sky?! #youngpeoplesuck
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HAHAH!!! Did you enjoy the new lyrics??
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They were…. Creepy! 😉
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#excellent
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Erm… [puts hand up]
I have no idea who that singer was and have never heard that song before but I love the new lyrics – 5 points! Maybe he didn’t make it big over here?
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Heh heh! You want me to go over there and administer some justice? She did threaten to punch me in the nuts the other week…
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Nah, I’m sure the violence is probably reserved for you! Seriously though, no idea who that singer is.
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She’s always had very violent tendencies towards me…
#stalker
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It’s possible! It’s amazing how many bands only had hits in one country. Or were one hit wonders… Like, Madness were one hit wonders in the US. And hardly anyone in the US knows who Cliff Richard is.
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Hmm, not sure Cliff is the best example, there Mutant! 😉
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Cliff Montgomery???
#yes
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Richard
#no
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Ammonia Avenue!! HAHA!! I’m buzzed, sunburned and having to go to work tomorrow where I’m getting laid off
#fuckoffwork
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😦 #workcangofuckitself
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Hurrah for Shitfest, I LOVE IT! I love a Shitfest social too, and would love to join in, timezones and film accessibility permitting.
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Sounds GREAT!! Let me put something together…
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#winning!
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#herestoafastdollar
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Or maybe even Shitfest via Skype or something!
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I’ll Skype the shit out of the place if you want!!!
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Have you seen my entry yet Laura?
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Oh god, what filth awaits…?!
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You’ll have to check it out to see.
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Hope you enjoy reading it.
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It is a review of Magic Mike.
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Oops…stupid Android app, I didn’t post that 3 times on purpose!
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Oh no!! I’ll domy very best to get this done in the coming week!!
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Let’s go, let’s go!!!!
#ff
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So much fanfare! I’m excited.
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WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Bring it my:
#satanicbestie
#squintieforever
#oatmealiealways
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I will!! (if I ever pick a freaking movie! Haha!)
#satanicbestiesforever
#creepsiesforever
#sataniclampalways
#crepes
#existentialpigs
#squinties
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WHAT’S UP, SHITFEST!!!
Smash has got a post for you this summer. Very excite!! Cannot Wait! Much enjoy! 🙂
Long live SHITFEST!
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YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I. CAN’T. WAIT. Bring it, baby!!!!!
SHITFEST FOREVER!!
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Will try to contribute if I get time mate!
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Let’s do this thing!!
#goodlad
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Ipes XXL, count me in buddy. AND….sorry for my absence. I’ve only now just been able to escape the clutches of Steve Buscemi’s basement.
#thatscenefromsilenceofthelambs
#itputsthelotiononitsskin
#yeahthatwasme
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I couldn’t do it without you!!!
Love,
Ipes
P.S. YOURE CHEATING ON MY BASEMENT??????
#getthatsadnessblousehandy
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. . . might have just farted.
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That happens to me a lot………..
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Fantastic opening ceremony Eric! I imagined you were wearing a floor length red gown with a little bit of side boob ;). Would love to get involved with Shitfest if I’m allowed? 😛 Do I just email you the review? I’d like to do Lake Mungo as I hate that film & kind of want to slaughter everyone involved with it…
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Zobo!!!!
Of course I was showing side boob – who doesn’t????
If you’re allowed??? I wouldn’t do this without you!!! Email me at ei@theipc.me
#lingeringgropes
#purposefulthightouching
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Ooooosh, bet that side boob was HAWT! Yay! Secretly I’m actually going to email you nudes so beware!
Are there any guidelines I adhere to or just write that shit and send it your way?
#sideboobgrope
#thighgrope
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I’ll take them!!!
No guidelines – well – no harming animals and clothing optional!
#nonaccidentalbuttswipe
#intentionalaccidentalboobtouching
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If I’m naked I can’t promise I won’t harm any animals… Hahaha!
Will get it done this week for you my man 🙂
#droppedmy20pens
#skirtripped
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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#intentionalogling
#loosenedbelt
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I know I am late and playing catch up, but this was AWESOME!!!
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LOLOLOLOL – did that song really get your toes to tappin’???
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🙂 Absolutely!
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LOL!
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Miguel swooned with joy when he saw he made a cameo on this post, and he has yet to budge. It’s been a real relief since he’s spent every waking hour over the last several weeks berating me for failing to get my shit together, so to speak, for Shitfest. He’s getting pretty antsy about meeting his new sibling though. He says that he hopes he/she is hot. I find that statement more than a little creepy, but whatever. I can’t listen to your song anymore! It says you deleted you YouTube account? Sad day. I’m sure it’s a lovely ditty though.
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HuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuH?? I haven’t deleted anything – I’ll have to go check it out….
As for Miguel’s new sibling – we vote starting Monday – maybe you can get caught up to cast a vote???
#xoxoxoxoxoxo
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I’m working on it, Proby!!!
#catchingupprobes
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#itloves
#xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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