ENTRY BY: YOURS TRULY
Those of you that know me – whether online or in real life – know that I’m a rather down to Earth, easy going guy that talks slow and gets to the point. I don’t like a lot of fuss and despite my online presence I’m actually a pretty shy fucker. I don’t like a lot of noise, I don’t like standing in an elevator with more than one other person, I don’t poop at work and I don’t want to be a bother to anyone. If there’s anything I hate it’s really loud people, jazz be-bop and pretentious fucking movies that go on to win tons of awards for being pretentious pieces of shit that I absolutely hate. Case in point – this mother fucker of a movie that I can’t even be fucked to type the entire title of it in my subject line.
Filmed in a gimmicky “one single shot” (which it’s not – none of these movies are), Michael Keaton growls his lines for two hours and then does a play and blows his fucking nose off with a pistol. Gimmicky and fake Zach Galifinakis (I don’t even know if I spelled that right, I care so less) is in it and he’s skinny and doing a serious role so it’s got that going for it because anything that has someone playing against hype is Oscar worthy, right. Speaking of that, the beautiful Emma Stone is in here as a washed out druggie working for her dad, tattooed and smoking cigarettes up on the roof where she could fall to her death if the wind got busy. Nice! Way to go movie! What else? Oh – Ed Norton prancing around in his underwear in that still you’ve all seen. Yay! Speaking of underwear, there’s a scene you may or may not have seen where Keaton goes through a crowd in his panties. Give him an Oscar!I’ll be the first to admit that this is a well made movie – but this is my place and I rate things based on how much I enjoyed them; I’m not some film critic who works for some syndicate and rates things based on the canon of film that exists out there. I’d probably have to give this some sort of high rating if I were getting paid to write this but I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATED THIS MOVIE. From the opening moments when that fucking drum started up I was irritated and IT NEVER STOPPED. CLANG CLANG CLANG BEDAP BEDAP CLING CLING CLANG TAPPITY TAPPITY TAP CLONG CLING CLANG!
P.S. That’s one of the reasons I don’t want to see that Whiplash movie. Drumming irritates me.
P.P.S. So does this:As far as this post goes, I went ahead and found the following GIF. I’m not exactly sure what the young lady is saying but it’s either:
Eric!! I really want to take off all of my clothes so you can see me stark naked!!!
Man this movie can get fucked!And…. what are these assholes doing??? Get away from me, assholes!!! Leave me alone, assholes!!Douchebags…. Anyway…. yeah – I hated this thing and this is the epitome of why I don’t care about The Academy Awards. I like the spectacle and all of that shit but I usually don’t care who wins or loses and I normally go to bed before it’s over. Then I’ll wake up the next day and read that shit like Birdman won best picture and I’ll be all “FUCK OFF, man” and go back to watching movies about serial killers loaded with boobs and blood.
And there we go!! Shitfest is officially ON!!!!!!!! Tune in tomorrow for something you’ve never read before…. you might have to have some tissues handy…. and not for your salty tears…..