Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2015 ~ SUMMER: BIRDMAN (2014)

SF15S1

ENTRY BY: YOURS TRULY

SFBIRD1Those of you that know me – whether online or in real life – know that I’m a rather down to Earth, easy going guy that talks slow and gets to the point. I don’t like a lot of fuss and despite my online presence I’m actually a pretty shy fucker. I don’t like a lot of noise, I don’t like standing in an elevator with more than one other person, I don’t poop at work and I don’t want to be a bother to anyone. If there’s anything I hate it’s really loud people, jazz be-bop and pretentious fucking movies that go on to win tons of awards for being pretentious pieces of shit that I absolutely hate. Case in point – this mother fucker of a movie that I can’t even be fucked to type the entire title of it in my subject line.SFBIRD2

Filmed in a gimmicky “one single shot” (which it’s not – none of these movies are), Michael Keaton growls his lines for two hours and then does a play and blows his fucking nose off with a pistol. Gimmicky and fake Zach Galifinakis (I don’t even know if I spelled that right, I care so less) is in it and he’s skinny and doing a serious role so it’s got that going for it because anything that has someone playing against hype is Oscar worthy, right. Speaking of that, the beautiful Emma Stone is in here as a washed out druggie working for her dad, tattooed and smoking cigarettes up on the roof where she could fall to her death if the wind got busy. Nice! Way to go movie! What else? Oh – Ed Norton prancing around in his underwear in that still you’ve all seen. Yay! Speaking of underwear, there’s a scene you may or may not have seen where Keaton goes through a crowd in his panties. Give him an Oscar!SFBIRD3I’ll be the first to admit that this is a well made movie – but this is my place and I rate things based on how much I enjoyed them; I’m not some film critic who works for some syndicate and rates things based on the canon of film that exists out there. I’d probably have to give this some sort of high rating if I were getting paid to write this but I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATED THIS MOVIE.  From the opening moments when that fucking drum started up I was irritated and IT NEVER STOPPED. CLANG CLANG CLANG BEDAP BEDAP CLING CLING CLANG TAPPITY TAPPITY TAP CLONG CLING CLANG!

P.S. That’s one of the reasons I don’t want to see that Whiplash movie. Drumming irritates me.

P.P.S. So does this:SFBIRD4As far as this post goes, I went ahead and found the following GIF. I’m not exactly sure what the young lady is saying but it’s either:

Eric!! I really want to take off all of my clothes so you can see me stark naked!!!

or

Man this movie can get fucked!SFBIRD5And…. what are these assholes doing??? Get away from me, assholes!!! Leave me alone, assholes!!Douchebags….  Anyway…. yeah – I hated this thing and this is the epitome of why I don’t care about The Academy Awards. I like the spectacle and all of that shit but I usually don’t care who wins or loses and I normally go to bed before it’s over. Then I’ll wake up the next day and read that shit like Birdman won best picture and I’ll be all “FUCK OFF, man” and go back to watching movies about serial killers loaded with boobs and blood.SFBIRD7

And there we go!! Shitfest is officially ON!!!!!!!! Tune in tomorrow for something you’ve never read before…. you might have to have some tissues handy…. and not for your salty tears…..

#foreshadowing

160 comments

  2. The Telltale Mind

    Damn that jazz be-bop! DAMN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Anywhosits, I enjoyed the movie but really hated Emma Stone in it. It actually made me less of a fan of her, but it did make me remember that I liked Michael Keaton.
    Great job Eric!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Natasha

    Sweet sugar Pappy Giuseppe

    You are my hero. For reals. I am so glad you wrote that you hated this movie – it IS so pretentious and I didn’t get the hype. Sure, it was made well and the performances are good, but I was so not getting Michael Keaton’s name tattooed on my ass because of this.

    Love,
    Kidney Giuseppe

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. jameshaseltine

    [After reading review] WHAT A DOOZY! I actually enjoyed this film but from a film making perspective, other than that the panty prancing was a little too much for my innocent eyes. Budgie Smugglers are too much to look at on the beach let alone in films as well. The coming age of the Budgie Smugglers will consume us all and blind us into the next coming!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  14. GaryGreg828

    *Eric, on a side note, you know I completely agree with your sentiments about the jazzy score and the drumming, etc. It grates the heck out of my last nerve, as well. But just wanted to point out it’s not like that in “Whiplash”. I don’t recall a jazzy or drumming score for Whiplash. You only hear the drumming and a little jazz when Miles Teller is drumming w/ his classmates, so the drumming is coming from on-screen and becomes secondary to the intensity of the moment of how much pressure J.K. Simmons places Teller under. It’s psychological warfare; an intense thriller. It’s not a cutesy or artsy type movie. I only bring this up b/c I think you’d enjoy J.K. Simmons and his character/performance and I didn’t want you to assume this was in any way, shape or form similar to Birdman. Completely different films, with completely different vibes. If you don’t want to watch Whiplash, that’s fine, but just wanted to make sure you know that it’s far different from Crapman.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • theipc

      I appreciate you telling me that but I’m in no hurry to watch it. I didn’t want to watch Nightcrawler or Guardians of the Galaxy but I did and I didn’t like either one of them. I’ll pass on this one for the time being : )

      I hope you have a nice holiday!

      Like

      Reply
      • GaryGreg828

        BTW, awesome start to shitfest Summer 2015! Birdcrap was the perfect way to kick it off!

        *Also, I would not have recommended Guardians of the Galaxy for you. I actually have not seen it, myself. I don’t think I’d dig it, either. I don’t watch many children’s movies, and I have already tired of the Marvel universe which was evident by their last installment. Don’t plan to see Ant Man, either…

        But I did recommend Nightcrawler just to see Jake’s performance, so we didn’t agree on that one, but I think we generally agree on films we’re both passionate about. So, just wanted to conclude by saying if you don’t watch Whiplash, that’s fine, but I wanted to make sure you didn’t avoid strictly b/c of the jazz and apprehension it was like Birdman, b/c I assure you it’s not. I actually had my own hesitation going in and was afraid it may drag, etc. but it’s actually pretty fast paced. It’s not slow and doesn’t drag like Birdcrap. It goes, goes, goes! Just FYI. 🙂

        *And, I actually like Miles Teller a lot. He reminds me of a young John Cusack. He’s a good, young actor w/ great charisma and a strong screen presence. He’s funny without being pretentious. Not sure if he’s the right fit for “Fantastic Four” and super-hero movies, but but he’s great in dramas.

        Liked by 1 person

      • theipc

        Understood! I think Ant Man looks pretty bad… and I don’t know about Cumberbatch being Doctor Strange…

        Like

      • GaryGreg828

        You know Scott, don’t you? He’s on twitter and interacts with his followers. Seems very humble. Devout Catholic and family man. And has knowledge of demons and the underworld – which is why he has such a knack for horror movies.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. David

    We cut this flick to pieces on our podcast as well. I liked the style but man was it so awful everywhere else. Way to start things off. Epic, Eric. This is gonna be a fun ‘Fest.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  19. Smash

    I liked this movie, but even better than that, I liked your stance “but this is my place and I rate things based on how much I enjoyed them” –That’s good shit right there! You gotta do you, EI and not give a damn about what anyone else says.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
      • GaryGreg828

        Oh, I didn’t do one. Just wasn’t inspired enough this time around. I didn’t do one last time, either. Next time I see a terrible movie, I may be inspired to enter. I just haven’t been watching that many movies lately, and I have a pretty good record of avoiding the terrible ones b/c I can generally tell ahead of time. I did hate Avengers 2 and “The Mirror” which I wrote about on my blog, but I wasn’t inspired enough to write a new entry for them to enter into SF. I honestly don’t write many blog entries anymore, either; simply b/c I only write entries when I’m inspired. I did write one 2 days ago that’s on my blog if you want to check it out. You may like it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Smash

        Oh too bad, but i totally get it. Sometimes it’s better not to write something if you’re not truly inspired than just going through the motions and putting out something mediocre.

        I pop over and check out the new post now! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  23. Kindleman

    Good god man I love you for this. Me and the Mrs. tried to watch this piece of shit film and made it about 30 minutes before turning it off with a huge sigh of relief. THOSE FUCKING DRUMS CAN GRT FUCKED!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    • theipc

      Fair enough : ) this is the type of thing that works my last nerve… Give me shit horror any day : ) I’ll check out your post in a bit : ) I’m off today so I’m going to be incredibly lazy.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • theipc

        I have seen Honeymoon! I actually quite liked it.

        UMMMM have you seen It Follows?? I LOVED it! I watched something called Let Us Prey the other week and liked it plenty.

        Liked by 1 person

      • SLIP/THROUGH - Dan

        Honeymoon was a fresh addition to the genre. Filmed and acted rather well.

        I’ve heard tons of praise for It Follows. Once that hits on demand, I’m watching it for sure. I really enjoyed The Guest with the same actress. I can’t wait for Follows, since it looks so stylish and has a compelling concept.

        What is Let Us Prey? You’ve got really good taste, reviewing these horror based on what they promise and how they deliver. So, I need to know more 😉

        Like

  25. Jordan Dodd

    Drumming annoys you huh? huh? huh? If I knew where you lived I’d buy five megaphones, attach them to my car and play the Birdman OST for you to enjoy… You… you drummer-hater!

    I had a strong feeling you were going to pick this one Eric. I’m on the fence, I liked it, its well made, but fuck it is pretentious. Plus it gets more annoying the more times you watch it – the OPPOSITE thing you want from a good movie

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  27. Anna (Film Grimoire)

    Wooooo Shitfest! I still haven’t seen this so I can’t agree or disagree with you but I’m glad I’ve given myself a long amount of time to watch it so that the acclaim-dust has settled and I can figure out if I like it or not without the looming threat of the Oscars hanging over me. Nice one EI, a most excellent way to begin a most excellent Shitfest!

    #birdsies
    #mansies
    #lowerbacktattoosies

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • theipc

      Thanks Anna!!! I’m off today for our national celebration of being free from Britain’s empirical tyranny and this was a great way to start my three day weekend!

      #oppressies
      #shitfesties
      #stampsies

      Like

      Reply
  29. emmakwall

    I think pooping at work is THE BEST!!!! Free toilet paper and you are actually being paid for taking a shit. You should try it sometime ha ha ha 🙂

    GREAT entry Pen, I never want to see this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    #Shitfest2015

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  30. Movie Movie Blog Blog

    I like Michael Keaton and have not seen this movie. But I saw BABEL, a previous movie from the same director who did BIRDMAN, and it was a pretentious piece of shit similar to the one you describe here — so I’m quite happy that I have not seen BIRDMAN and that I did read your hilarious review!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  31. Zoë

    Ah PSC, and I remember how you had been looking forward to this. I thought it was done really well, but didn’t quite love it as much as most people. Great work, and some good laughs here!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  32. Pingback: Shitfest 2015: The Avengers: Age of no Emma Peel | The Vern's Video Vortex.

  33. caragale

    Sigh. Oh, Eric. We are night and day when it comes to our opinions of this movie. Bahaha. I’m not surprised though. This is far from the realm of boobs and blood. 😉

    Nice way to kick things off, Probemeister!!!

    #shitfestrules
    #birdmanisawesomethough
    #xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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