Thanks as always to Eric for doing an awesome job planning this Shit!!!!
Whenever that wonderful time of year for Shitfest comes around, I always get worried.
AS you all probably know, I love to watch movies; but the I generally enjoy watching “good” movies that give me that warm tingly feeling when it’s all over.
But for Shitfest, I have a very difficult task to complete and that is either (1) find a movie that I know I’m gonna hate, make it through the runtime and then actually write about it OR (2) think of a movie that I’ve already seen and hated and then sit thru it a second!!! time and then write a review of it.
Neither of these ideas EVER sit well with me, because who wants to either re-hash a shitty movie or add to that vault hidden far inside my head containing the collection of movies that I hated so much that I don’t plan to EVER see again
So once again, I racked my brains to find a movie that I’d be willing to sit thru knowing it will be shit…
and then I remembered!!!
There has been a movie on my list for months that I know that everyone hated, but that I had an iota of hope would possibly be entertaining for me (eventhough deep down I knew it would end up being complete and utter shit…guess I was right) and that movie is:
Drum roll please!!!!!
Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)
Growing up in a religious home and knowing my Bible stories quite well, I saw movies like The Ten Commandments numerous times and although DeMille took a LOT of license with his material, it still worked somewhat within the confines laid out in the Good book of how the Hebrew Slaves were freed from Egypt and returned to their homeland.
From 1956 (when it came out) until 1998, this movie was the movie that set the bar for the story of The Exodus from Egypt.
In 1998, Dreamworks SKG decided to release their first animated feature and it was The Prince of Egypt (1998) which gave us a whole new perspective on the story. Not only did it include all of the parts of the story we all heard as kids, but they added the psychological level of how such a lofty and humbling role would affect a man who spent his early years in Pharaoh’s Palace as a brother to the future Pharaoh.
This is IMHO one of the best animated films and by far the best movie about a Biblical tale.
When I heard last year that the Great Ridley Scott would be making a new epic version of the story with Christian Bale as Moses, I was very excited because it seemed to me to be the perfect combination to successfully recreating the story onscreen once again.
Boy was I (and everyone else) completely FUCKING wrong about that.
I can’t remember the last time I had so much trouble getting through a movie.
There wasn’t even anything laughable about it because it was done in one of the stupidest and silliest ways!
Their first and MOST Fatal mistake was the choice to let Scott Direct.
Usually Biblical tales are told by people who believe (at least to some degree) that the story happened because thru their own personal belief, they can help make us believe.
Scott just tore away most of the magic in this story by gutting some of the principal character traits of Moses and Pharaoh and even gets some of the plagues epically wrong and even portrays the entire timeline incorrectly.
I’m not gonna turn this into a theological discussion because that’s not the point here, but trust me when I say that even Scott was able to take out the entire story line of faith and miracles and made this movie feel like a really limp noodle that wasn’t able to accomplish anything at all.
It turns out that the choice of Bale was also terrible (and I usually LOVE his roles) because he tried to take the character to places where he would seem schizophrenic instead of wavering in his faith in God.
The CGI here is horrendous and I can’t recall any other big budget film that did some an awful job of creating effects.
The ironic part of me hating this movie is that the two greatest problems people have with this movie didn’t bother me at all: the ethnicity issue and the child.
Who cares if a Hollywood movie uses “bankable” Hollywood actors instead of racially correct actors playing roles from 4000 years ago, did anyone complain when Liz Taylor played Cleopatra? or when Paul Muni payed a Chinaman in the Good Earth or even when Cameron Crow cast Emma Stone as a Hawaiian native in Aloha? (well, maybe a bit)
We all wanna see top Hollywood actors in movies like this.
If this wasn’t true, we wouldn’t have gotten the chance to see Ben Kingsley, Sigourney Weaver and Aaron Paul in their few seconds of screen time. (BTW, how much did each of them get paid for a cameo disguised as top billing?)
The child issue can easily be accepted as the image God chose to reveal himself anthropomorphically in order for Moses to comprehend what he was seeing.
So does this movie actually have any merits to it???
This movie is shit thru and thru and it’s actually one of the rare times that I have felt that I wasted 2 1/2 hours of my life watching a movie.
I only wish that Ridley’s Scott’s version of this could be drowned by the terrible CGI used in this movie of the splitting of the sea! J
In order to not leave this review on a completely downer note, here are four better depictions of this story that can hopefully help redeem faith in Biblical adaptations.
Huge thanks again to Eric for dealing with all us misfits when we break out of our molds to rant! You definitely rock Eric!!!