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Thanks as always to Eric for doing an awesome job planning this Shit!!!!
Whenever that wonderful time of year for Shitfest comes around, I always get worried.
AS you all probably know, I love to watch movies; but the I generally enjoy watching “good” movies that give me that warm tingly feeling when it’s all over.
But for Shitfest, I have a very difficult task to complete and that is either (1) find a movie that I know I’m gonna hate, make it through the runtime and then actually write about it OR (2) think of a movie that I’ve already seen and hated and then sit thru it a second!!! time and then write a review of it.
Neither of these ideas EVER sit well with me, because who wants to either re-hash a shitty movie or add to that vault hidden far inside my head containing the collection of movies that I hated so much that I don’t plan to EVER see again
So once again, I racked my brains to find a movie that I’d be willing to sit thru knowing it will be shit…
and then I remembered!!!
There has been a movie on my list for months that I know that everyone hated, but that I had an iota of hope would possibly be entertaining for me (eventhough deep down I knew it would end up being complete and utter shit…guess I was right) and that movie is:
Drum roll please!!!!!
Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)
Growing up in a religious home and knowing my Bible stories quite well, I saw movies like The Ten Commandments numerous times and although DeMille took a LOT of license with his material, it still worked somewhat within the confines laid out in the Good book of how the Hebrew Slaves were freed from Egypt and returned to their homeland.
From 1956 (when it came out) until 1998, this movie was the movie that set the bar for the story of The Exodus from Egypt.
In 1998, Dreamworks SKG decided to release their first animated feature and it was The Prince of Egypt (1998) which gave us a whole new perspective on the story. Not only did it include all of the parts of the story we all heard as kids, but they added the psychological level of how such a lofty and humbling role would affect a man who spent his early years in Pharaoh’s Palace as a brother to the future Pharaoh.
This is IMHO one of the best animated films and by far the best movie about a Biblical tale.
When I heard last year that the Great Ridley Scott would be making a new epic version of the story with Christian Bale as Moses, I was very excited because it seemed to me to be the perfect combination to successfully recreating the story onscreen once again.
Boy was I (and everyone else) completely FUCKING wrong about that.
I can’t remember the last time I had so much trouble getting through a movie.
There wasn’t even anything laughable about it because it was done in one of the stupidest and silliest ways!
Their first and MOST Fatal mistake was the choice to let Scott Direct.
Usually Biblical tales are told by people who believe (at least to some degree) that the story happened because thru their own personal belief, they can help make us believe.
Scott just tore away most of the magic in this story by gutting some of the principal character traits of Moses and Pharaoh and even gets some of the plagues epically wrong and even portrays the entire timeline incorrectly.
I’m not gonna turn this into a theological discussion because that’s not the point here, but trust me when I say that even Scott was able to take out the entire story line of faith and miracles and made this movie feel like a really limp noodle that wasn’t able to accomplish anything at all.
It turns out that the choice of Bale was also terrible (and I usually LOVE his roles) because he tried to take the character to places where he would seem schizophrenic instead of wavering in his faith in God.
The CGI here is horrendous and I can’t recall any other big budget film that did some an awful job of creating effects.
The ironic part of me hating this movie is that the two greatest problems people have with this movie didn’t bother me at all: the ethnicity issue and the child.
Who cares if a Hollywood movie uses “bankable” Hollywood actors instead of racially correct actors playing roles from 4000 years ago, did anyone complain when Liz Taylor played Cleopatra? or when Paul Muni payed a Chinaman in the Good Earth or even when Cameron Crow cast Emma Stone as a Hawaiian native in Aloha? (well, maybe a bit)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
We all wanna see top Hollywood actors in movies like this.
If this wasn’t true, we wouldn’t have gotten the chance to see Ben Kingsley, Sigourney Weaver and Aaron Paul in their few seconds of screen time. (BTW, how much did each of them get paid for a cameo disguised as top billing?)
The child issue can easily be accepted as the image God chose to reveal himself anthropomorphically in order for Moses to comprehend what he was seeing.
So does this movie actually have any merits to it???
ummmm….
NOPE!
This movie is shit thru and thru and it’s actually one of the rare times that I have felt that I wasted 2 1/2 hours of my life watching a movie.
I only wish that Ridley’s Scott’s version of this could be drowned by the terrible CGI used in this movie of the splitting of the sea! J
In order to not leave this review on a completely downer note, here are four better depictions of this story that can hopefully help redeem faith in Biblical adaptations.
Huge thanks again to Eric for dealing with all us misfits when we break out of our molds to rant! You definitely rock Eric!!!
This is fantastic work, love your use of gifs.
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Thanks Vinnie!
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Thats actually just me trying to copy Eric! 🙂
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A fabulous job Rob.
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Tnx Vinnie. maybe I’ll get more than 3 votes this time 🙂
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Have a good weekend Vinnie?
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Hi Eric, yeah it was a hot one, if you know what I mean.
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It’s been over 100 Fahrenheit here for a week or so… we’re baking….
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Wow, a real scorcher.
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Yep… It sucks!
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It’s really hot were I am, just wanna remove clothes because it’s scorching.
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I know the feeling!
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I never had you down as a nudist Eric.
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LOL – I retired from that years ago – –
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Oh really, I bet it was fun though.
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Reblogged this on and commented:
Check out my submission for Shitfest Summer 2015 over at the IPC. HUGE tnx to Eric for organizing this!
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Thanks for the reblog and for doing this, Ace – this post is epic!
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U mean biblically epic 😉
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Shitfest epic!
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Much better 😉
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: )
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Thanks Eric! This was lots of fun as usual!
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Thank YOU!!!!
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Nice entry Rob. I agree with you, this is just such a boring movie with some of the worst CGI i’ve seen in any film in recent times. Joel Edgerton, who is actually a very talented actor gives such a poor performance, Ben Kingsley and Aaron Paul are completely wasted and Christian Bale deserves better. I hope it gets better for Ridley Scott because his career really seems to be sinking at this point.
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I was watching The Killing (U.S. version) two weekends ago and noticed that Jonathan Demme directed a bunch of them. Remember when he was in high demand for movies? My point is – if things don’t turn around, Scott will be doing TV in the 20’s….
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I can see that happening, M. Night Shayamalan whos film career became a joke is actually doing good on the show Wayward Pines so there’s always TV, not that it’s necessarily a bad thing, but the thing is that I haven’t seen a good Ridley Scott movie since The Matchstick Men which was way back in 2003 and even if you count American Gangster as one of his better films it been 8 years since he made a good movie. Im waiting to see how his latest movie The Martian turns out because this time he has both a great cast and a great screenwriter and a great book from which this movie is adapted. If he fucks this up he should seriously consider stop making movies and maybe just switch to TV.
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I tried Wayward Pines and couldn’t make it through the second ep… it’s doing good, you say?
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I thought it was middling but the main reason I didn’t like it was because it reminded me of Twin Peaks but what I mean is that it is a huge improvement for Shayalaman over his terrible movies
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Matt Dillon drives me crazy…
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Not much of a fan either
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yep. Tnx Khalid! bring back the days of Gladiator and Black Hawk Down!
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Brilliant Rob!!!!! Loved this 🙂 and I loved the Rocky GIF, really made me laugh!
I find it really hard deciding on a film as well, I know exactly what you mean! I am pretty forgiving towards most movies and sometimes it’s the genre I don’t like, rather than the movie itself.
Anyway, great post!!!! 😀
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Tnx Ems!!!
Glad I was able to make you laugh!
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CLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mondays can ———————————> go fuck themselves……
Love Pen!!!
O _ o < 3 o _ O
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Pen!!!!!!! Yes indeed they can! Shitty old Mondays, no good for anything! Grumble grumble moan moan 🙂
Mondays!!!! ———> FUCK OFF!!! 😀
Love Clam! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Grumble grumble moan moan INDEED!!!!!
Love Pen!!
P.S. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Bah humbug!!!!!!!
BAH BLOODY HUMBUG!
😉
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
#extras!
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Mondays can go to hell!
#thequeen
#ankleclicks
#seanpertwee
#meguts
Love Pen!!
<3333333333333
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Mondays can….can…..be my SHITFEST entry!!!!!! Fuck off Mondays!!!!!
<333333
#megutscoop #brains #seanpertwee #extras
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Love Clam!
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HAHAHAHA!!!! Perfect!!!!
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😀 😀 😀
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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That Rocky gif was amazing! lol Good job on the review.
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Tnx Geoff! appreciate it!
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No probs. I’ve avoided this movie for the longest time and each successive review keeps me from doing so. lol
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That Rocky GIF was also about 10 MB lol
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sorry 😦
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LOL – an email killer!!! : )
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Tnx Geoff! appreciate it!
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Great job, Rob!
I haven’t seen this yet, but Zoë wants me to, sure I am going to go into a full rage mode afterwards. It seems horrible! I agree with you – if you want to direct religious material you must have a thorough knowledge of the religion.
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Tnx Nat! just dont take it seriously and u should be fine. why does Zoe wanna torture you tho? 🙂
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Haha I think it amuses her endlessly! 😀
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So she’s a sadist? 😉
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Sweet Kidney Giuseppe,
Don’t do it! Tell that short Afrikaan that you’re not going to do it!
#jagershots
Love
Sugar Pappy!
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Sweet Pappy!
LOL!!!!
#shorties
#jagershots
Love,
Kidney
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Giuseppe!!!
#twoshorties
Love,
Sugar Pappy!
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Nicely done Rob! And I love your gifs! I’m so glad I didn’t waste my time watching this.
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Tnx! I”m only not upset because I got to use it for shitfest 🙂
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Here we are, sweet Kim, back at the office. Was there a weekend back there at all???? UGH……..
#sotired
#lovekim
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Sorry Eric. Friday is coming!
#caffeine
#loveeric
#hugs
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Did you watch anything good over the weekend?? I watched Transformers 4 and Dark Places. Transformers was miserable and DP was ….. OK……
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I’m sorry you didn’t catch any spectacular movies. I watched Edge of Tomorrow. You were right, as always. It was very good, and I didn’t even mind Tom Cruise. I also watched Maze Runner for the second time. I love the books, and I think they did a good job adapting it to screen. 😊
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YES!! Edge of Tomorrow was well done and pretty funny : )
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Just in case I haven’t already mentioned this, I will always listen to your advice. You never steer me wrong!😊
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: ) WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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#ginourmoushugs
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#rightbackatcha
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🙂
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Yeah…. I saw a trailer for this movie and knew for sure it would be a piece of crap. Christian Bale is a mega hunk, so usually I’d see him in pretty much anything. But this is on my no-fly list.
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I’ve always thought this looked like bullshit, in my opinion. Pure bullshit.
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You’re not wrong. You’re exactly right.
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High fives and butt pats!!
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smart move smash!
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Christian Bale would be a great Moses if he were given a quality script. I could tell this was going to be terrible, so I skipped it. The 10 Commandments is much better. Also, I think Joel Edgerton is one of the most boring actors in Hollywood.
Great write-up and entry! 🙂
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I always find these things funny as most of these folks probably weren’t blazingly white. I watched a movie called Agora last week and couldn’t get over how white those Romans were….
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tnx. yeah, the script was real shit. JE was great in Warriors so he isn’t always wasted
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I thought he was dull in Warrior and the movie would have been better had someone more interesting been cast.
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Hmm. Guess I should rewatch it. Maybe ur right
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Well, that’s just my opinion. A lot of people liked it. I just thought it was melodramatic and predictable.
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*Also, did you (or anyone on this board) watch Noah? If so, what did you think? I have heard it has a lot of biblical inaccuracies, and turned into an embellished Hollywood movie. Shocker!
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Nope – a friend of mine watched it and said it was terrible so I’ve never pulled the trigger….
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horrendous!!! tons of inaccuracies and it was soooo boring!!!! I wont even venture into the idea of rewatching that, even for shitfest it was soo fuckin terrible. 🙂
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Jeez, and I nearly watched it on Amazon Prime a couple months ago, but then read there were lots of inaccuracies, so I skipped it. Glad I did.
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U should be glad 😉
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Great choice, i watched this one drunk, fell asleep half way through, watched the end and wish i hadnt
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LOL – perfect!
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I actually might have enjoyed it more if I had been drunk 🙂
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i actually got confused too
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This film reconfirmed my status as a passsionate atheist. Great review!
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tnx abs!
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Good review. I liked the psychological approach. I’m thinking Moses would have wondered if he was going nuts. Check my review if youre curious .
As far as casting, it would have been intrresting to see Chiwetel Ejiofor as Moses, and Idris Elba as Ramses. The slavery theme would also get a different spin / parallel with a Black cast. What do you think?
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ill check it out.
not THAT would be very interesting to see 🙂
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i’d love to see a big budget Egyptian gods taken realistic with a black cast of stars
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It would definitely be something unique. Start writing the script 😉
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oh i’ve got one for that… OSIRIS the greatest story never told
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Haha. And at my screenplay site I have this experimental PICTUREplay format with images and music. I fake casted Idris Elba in my sci-fi noir already 😉 Yeah, I’m THAT nerdy.
http://thelastfountain.wordpress.com
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Great choice, Rob. This is real mess of movie. We tore it apart on release on our podcast and I agree with from start to finish. Aimless and confusing, and spending far too long on some parts and glossing over others, there was not hook that got me to stay interested. Great post, my friend!
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tnx Dave. enjoyed writing the post much more than watching the movie itself 🙂
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That’s how I felt about my post too.
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I want to see this movie just so I can squint and pretend Moses is Batman.
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enjoy Luke! 🙂
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Thanks for the warning, Rob, this movie doesn’t sound good at all. I’ll stick with The Prince of Egypt!
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tnx! cant go wrong with Dreamworks 🙂
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Nice post, Rob! I have zero interest in ever seeing this. I don’t go for biblical stuff in the first place but I also hate Christian Bale.
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u hate Bale??? wow thats a first
tnx Mutant!
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No – I think a lot of people hate him. Several agreed when I put him on my “most annoying” list. 😉
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Lemmings…..
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No interest in seeing this. Great use of Rugrats!
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Tnx Alex!
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This looks plain terrible but your post is awesome!! I particularly like the gif of The History of the World: Part 1. Great entry!
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nobody does it like Mel Brooks! 🙂
Thanks Mel!
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Exodus is one of my favorite thrash metal bands from the ’80s. How dare you.
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trash metal band = shitfest submission 🙂
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Aw, I was hoping this was gonna be a silly fun one and now my hopes are dashed. *sighs* I do understand the color/race issue though. It’s hard enough to be an actor, period, but to be an actor of color? God even knows how much harder and part of that is because roles consistently go to people who are white, for whatever the director’s reasons. Just an actor’s point of view! 🙂 I AM gonna have to go watch that cartoon you mentioned though, don’t think I’ve seen it.
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I think it’s funny that most portrayals of ancient Romans are always VERY white and usually British….
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Ugh this movie was freaking dreadful! WTF?! Good job Rob!
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it really was. tnx Zoe!
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I’m so with you on this one, Rob! I really suffered through this one, and I had the “pleasure” of watching it in a movie theater. Waste of time and money? whaaa??? Kudos on an awesome review!!
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