Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015) [Shitfest Review]
Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is the sequel that nobody asked for. A sequel that I didn’t think I would even see the light of day after the absolute pile of wank that Hot Tub Time Machine 1 was. It takes our 3 best buds (Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke) minus the only reason to really watch the first one (John Cusack) and sends them into the future to solve a murder mystery. It can’t be that bad – can it? After all, the first film was surprisingly successful; who would have thought that so many people would be into crude homophobic, sexist humour riddled with bouts of vomit, piss and shit jokes. Oh jokes… I get jokes…
I would get them, if there were any to get. It was quite simply one of the most excruciatingly unfunny movie experiences I have ever had.
Maybe the second one will take the criticism on board, and turn it around – Nope. Within the first few seconds there’s already a nipple joke. I’m not sure what sort of audience this is meant for, people who will lose their shit at the mere thought of a nipple on the screen. A male nipple at that. HAHAHA. It becomes blatantly obvious that this turgid monstrosity picks up where it left off, with more of the same utter nonsense and unfunny tripe, only further emphasised by the ‘hilarious’ penis joke, as a ‘dick and balls’ are pushed up against a window only 8 minutes into the film. Start as you mean to go on, by all means.
I did question at this point why I would continue watching this film. Based on what I had seen so far, if I were to watch for the full 90 minutes, and this film to continue on its trajectory of sidesplittingly funny male nudity, I will end up seeing 11 and a quarter dick and ball combinations and 22 nipples. With those hypothetical figures in my mind, I plodded on regardless, in the hope that perhaps they would expand their horizon of humour beyond that of our amusing human bodies, and actually write a joke or two into the script.
While it did not pan out as predicted, what ensued was a plethora of vomit, blood, penis, jizz and rape jokes on repeat, every 15 minutes. These were interjected among a series of lazy ‘you look like *insert derogatory description*’ comparisons that even they grew tired of, jokes ripped from the first movie, and a few of those scenes which seem commonplace in most ‘bro’ movies these days, in which a non-drug user attempts to create on-screen to a general audience what it would be like to take drugs.
Its complete lack of any originality didn’t stop there. Due to the apparent absence of any intelligence in this movie, ripping off theories from other time travel movies like Terminator and Looper seem to form the underlying time-travel laws as they can’t think of any of their own. They reference these movies openly as if it were funny to be ripping them off, but instead it comes across as lazy and unimaginative. I get it, that was the joke, but jokes are meant to be funny. And this is not.
Once in the future our 3 pals meet up with Adam Scott; the guy from Parks & Recreation, who since the show ended has done some of the worst movies released in the last decade. The future holds a better life for some, and worse for others, and in a sea of holograms, and smart-smart cars, the present day was ripe for parody. After one of their crazy parties, they fall upon a futuristic TV show. To hope for something as creative as the Black Mirror episode where it took X-Factor to task is wasted effort. Instead a celebrity ultimatum game show results in ‘virtual dudefucking’, something seen as such an abhorrent act that it’s deemed to be on a par if not worse than buildings being destroyed with kids in it, rape and children drowning. Cap that off with the comparison of the iPad to a ‘dickpad’ (a holographic pad with a hole in the middle), it is clear to see that their effort in joke-telling has fallen lower than my enthusiasm to keep watching this piece of crap. Even Adam Scott can’t save this film from the smelly depths of vulgarity that this film resides.
Words can’t quite describe just how unfunny this film is. As Adam Scott has his ball sack syringed and a jizzy milk substance squirts into Darryl from The Office’s eyes and mouth, I begin to contemplate what I will watch next to restore my faith in comedy. Will Ferrell has that Get Hard movie out, but I can only assume that will be an unfunny ‘comedy’ based on racial stereotypes. Ted 2 is out in the cinemas too, and if Ted was anything to go by I look forward to hearing Family Guy jokes regurgitated into a different format to generate more cash. Maybe all is lost for comedy in the movies. Alpha Papa and/or The Trip were probably the last films that made me laugh in the cinema, but I can’t expect Steve Coogan to be in every movie I want to see. Even he has done some diabolical shit in his time.
As Hot Tub Time Machine 2 came to an end, I reflected on the 90 minutes of my life I would never get back. Terrible script, wasted cast, awful concept. I wish I had a Hot Tub Time Machine, so I could go back in time and stop myself from watching this mess of a film.
I should have shortened this review, to simply a 4 word review; “Hot Tub Shit Machine”.