Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2015 ~ SUMMER: SHOWGIRLS (1995)

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SUBMITTED BY

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Showgirls (1995)

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I can’t believe my lazy ass almost missed out on Summer Shitfest 2015!!! I’m so lucky dear and patient Eric allowed me to submit my entry this late, but here am with my shitty pick and it is no other than…

Showgirls

“Nice dress. – Thanks. It’s a Ver-sayce.”
This notoriously bad movie needs no introduction. The first time I ever watched Showgirls was when I was a teenager and to naïve to understand it’s actually a piece of crap covered by the blinding lights of Las Vegas. Ahh, my lord. Who was the idiot that sponsored this?

Synopsis: Naomi is a small town girl who wants to make it big as a dancer (stripper) in Las Vegas. She soon realizes it’s not that easy getting to the top as some nail drawing, pushing, and lip lickin’ need to be done first.

I sum up my hatred for Showgirls with 2 words:

Elizabeth Berkley

The woman can’t act or dance for shit, not to mention her sex scenes are so damn awkward she looks like she’s having a seizure. Her character, Naomi, is ridiculously annoying with her exaggerated furious attitude (flicking the switchblade, throwing the backstage curtains…) and it’s only fair to say this movie completely sucked because of her. Well, mainly because of her. The plot’s not so great either.

This onetime Saved by the Bell star decided to take it up to the next level and make a complete idiot of herself, thinking that this cheap motion picture will make her a huge star. Well, sugar, this ain’t no junior high and you’re not in Bayside anymore. Taking your panties off, lickin’ a pole and moaning in front of the camera won’t always pave the path to Hollywood stardom.

Not that Hollywood, anyways. You’d actually know what the fuck you’re doing and study some acting first, and then maybe… MAYBE… and take off that hideous eye shadow!!!

A few words about the other cast members, if I may. I’ll start with Gina Gershon, who I very much appreciate as an actress. Something about her that I just love. I think she deserved so much better than this!!! Her playing footsy, love-hate, bisexual, near kisses relationship with Naomi is a complete blah blah blah, and why did she get a name from an 80’s trashy soup opera? Crystal Connors. Moving on to Glenn Plummer who plays James Smith, a choreographer who’s trying to teach Naomi how to dance and tells her she’s “got more natural talent when you dance than anyone I’ve ever seen”. You don’t go out much, James, do you? What’s with you, People? Why would you redeem yourselves to such level?
As for Kyle MacLachlan, I never really liked the guy and his character is as damn vile as he very well deserves. I don’t really give a fuck if he’s making a complete tool of himself by being on Showgirls.

Overall Showgirls a complete over the top and unnecessary experience. It’s a wasted 128 min’ of melodramatic porn.

I HATED IT!!!

Thanks folks for letting me blow off some steam. Go Shitfest!!

96 comments

  5. jmount43

    I’m sure that there are some of you here who have watched just a little (or a lot, perhaps) of porn. Have you ever witnessed when a porn star tries to legitimately act? It’s pathetic. Elizabeth Berkeley’s performance in Showgirls was below even that of a pornstar.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  7. Wendell

    Hahahahahahaha!!! All the reasons you give for hating it are precisely why I love it. It fails so spectacularly at everything it tries I laugh my ass off from start to finish every time I watch it. It’s easily the greatest comedy of all time. What do you mean it’s not supposed to be funny?

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  8. The Telltale Mind

    Showgirls?! Shitfest?! I say thee nay!!!! This movie rocked!!!!!!!!

    …well maybe not rocked, but it wasn’t all that bad. Sure, the acting was bad, script, etc., but Berkeley was Hot – with a capital H. Not everyone gets a capital H! I’ve probably seen it a half-dozen times. lol More than is probably good for anyone.

    Also, love the review! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  9. The Vern

    Oh Reut. I can not deny your great thoughts on this movie, and yet I do find it slightly odd that it has achieved such cult status so I will rewatch it ever so often just to see if Im missing anything. I do find the way it tries to be sexy extremely funny. Great Post

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  10. GaryGreg828

    Sweet, “Showgirls” is a masterpiece compared to the last film you wrote about, “Boyhood”!!! LOL. At least there was a PLOT in Showgirls! *And Elizabeth Berkley is a more talented actor than the star of Boyhood, too. lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • sweetarchive

      How awesome of you to remember my Boyhood post!!! You made my day!!! I agree with you, Showgirls does have a plot, a shitty one, but there’s a plot! Beating Boyhood is a little bit impossible, as it was and still is, FUCKING BORING! Thank you so much for a great comment ;-))))

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • GaryGreg828

        Abbi’s “Eat, Pray Love” submission from two installments ago – and your “Boyhood” from the last installment are two of my favorite submissions since Isaacs started this thing in 2013. I paid homage in my “Binge of Rage” submission this time around; if you haven’t read it yet you should. I think you’d like it. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

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