SUBMITTED BY
Showgirls (1995)
I can’t believe my lazy ass almost missed out on Summer Shitfest 2015!!! I’m so lucky dear and patient Eric allowed me to submit my entry this late, but here am with my shitty pick and it is no other than…
Showgirls
“Nice dress. – Thanks. It’s a Ver-sayce.”
This notoriously bad movie needs no introduction. The first time I ever watched Showgirls was when I was a teenager and to naïve to understand it’s actually a piece of crap covered by the blinding lights of Las Vegas. Ahh, my lord. Who was the idiot that sponsored this?
Synopsis: Naomi is a small town girl who wants to make it big as a dancer (stripper) in Las Vegas. She soon realizes it’s not that easy getting to the top as some nail drawing, pushing, and lip lickin’ need to be done first.
I sum up my hatred for Showgirls with 2 words:
The woman can’t act or dance for shit, not to mention her sex scenes are so damn awkward she looks like she’s having a seizure. Her character, Naomi, is ridiculously annoying with her exaggerated furious attitude (flicking the switchblade, throwing the backstage curtains…) and it’s only fair to say this movie completely sucked because of her. Well, mainly because of her. The plot’s not so great either.
This onetime Saved by the Bell star decided to take it up to the next level and make a complete idiot of herself, thinking that this cheap motion picture will make her a huge star. Well, sugar, this ain’t no junior high and you’re not in Bayside anymore. Taking your panties off, lickin’ a pole and moaning in front of the camera won’t always pave the path to Hollywood stardom.
Not that Hollywood, anyways. You’d actually know what the fuck you’re doing and study some acting first, and then maybe… MAYBE… and take off that hideous eye shadow!!!
A few words about the other cast members, if I may. I’ll start with Gina Gershon, who I very much appreciate as an actress. Something about her that I just love. I think she deserved so much better than this!!! Her playing footsy, love-hate, bisexual, near kisses relationship with Naomi is a complete blah blah blah, and why did she get a name from an 80’s trashy soup opera? Crystal Connors. Moving on to Glenn Plummer who plays James Smith, a choreographer who’s trying to teach Naomi how to dance and tells her she’s “got more natural talent when you dance than anyone I’ve ever seen”. You don’t go out much, James, do you? What’s with you, People? Why would you redeem yourselves to such level?
As for Kyle MacLachlan, I never really liked the guy and his character is as damn vile as he very well deserves. I don’t really give a fuck if he’s making a complete tool of himself by being on Showgirls.
Overall Showgirls a complete over the top and unnecessary experience. It’s a wasted 128 min’ of melodramatic porn.
I HATED IT!!!
Thanks folks for letting me blow off some steam. Go Shitfest!!
What a post Reut! Sounds like this one could have been sexy but just ended up failing in every department there is.
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Thanks, Vinnie!! I thought about it a lot, and I really can’t see any potential for this movie. It’s anything but sexy… shame. Glad you liked my post. Love a good rant 🙂
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It’s good to let off steam. Liked how both of our posts were about strippers.
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I know, right? We should introduce Magic Mike to Ms. Naomi. They can both suck ass together, lol :-))
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Haha, or just introduce them to my alter ego Satrap. He could show em a move or two.
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Yes, please!!!! #shakeitshakeitsatrap
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You really like Satrap don’t you? Why don’t you and him discuss a few things over on the Magic Mike review?
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The topic of stripping and dirty dancing has been a popular one this Shitfest.
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It’s Haute Couture of the blogging world : )
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Hell yeah it is, and Satrap is the king of it.
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You should do a post on your site of you busting a move : )
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I don’t know, how do you think people would receive it?
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I’m sure your fans would love it : )
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I may consider it Eric.
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Love the review! Sounds horrid!
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Did you see my take on Magic Mike Natasha?
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Haha, thanks Natasha. It’s just plain boring’s what it is… 🙂
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Kidney –
I watched this when you were FIVE years old….. FIVE…..
Love,
Old Sugar Pappy
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Sweetest Pappy!!
What were you, only SIX then??? 😀 😀
Love,
Kidney
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Sweetest Kidney!!
I WAS TWENTY FOUR!!!!!!!
: ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Love,
Sugar Pappy
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Reblogged this on and commented:
Yay, my Summer Shitfest 2015 entry has finally arrived!! Woohoo. Many thanks to Eric for letting me blow off some steam! Hope ya’ll like my nasty review of Showgirls.
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THANKS REUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was awesome!!!!
#smooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooch
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Shitfest forever!!! Woohoo!!! #smoooochforever
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WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
#shitfestforever
#smoooooooooooooooooooooch
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I’m sure that there are some of you here who have watched just a little (or a lot, perhaps) of porn. Have you ever witnessed when a porn star tries to legitimately act? It’s pathetic. Elizabeth Berkeley’s performance in Showgirls was below even that of a pornstar.
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What?? Are you saying Jenna Jameson isn’t going to win an Oscar before she blows away in the wind???
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Isn’t there like a Porn Oscars? The Pornscars?
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HAHAHA!! There is! I don’t remember what they’re called but they do them in Las Vegas every year (I think)
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Yes! I remembered something like that!! Viva Las Vegas!!
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The Muff Awards??
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Really?? That’s the name?
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LOL I don’t know – I was just trying to be funny : ) : )
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Oh… haha, sounds very fitting! I’ll google it 😊
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: ) : ) : )
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One of the best. Great movie
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: ) : )
Thank you for the comment!!!!
(Not my favorite movie : ) )
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Hahahahahahaha!!! All the reasons you give for hating it are precisely why I love it. It fails so spectacularly at everything it tries I laugh my ass off from start to finish every time I watch it. It’s easily the greatest comedy of all time. What do you mean it’s not supposed to be funny?
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HA!! I’ll let Reut defend herself but this sure wasn’t my favorite movie (although it HAS been 20 years since I’ve watched it)
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haha, awesome comment? You mean it’s so fuckin’ bad, it’s good, kinda thing? Hmmm… not quite there yet! ;-))
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Showgirls?! Shitfest?! I say thee nay!!!! This movie rocked!!!!!!!!
…well maybe not rocked, but it wasn’t all that bad. Sure, the acting was bad, script, etc., but Berkeley was Hot – with a capital H. Not everyone gets a capital H! I’ve probably seen it a half-dozen times. lol More than is probably good for anyone.
Also, love the review! 🙂
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It’s one of those “so bad it’s good” type of movies for sure. And they had to make this movie with Jessie Spano because people really wanted to see what she looked like without the mom jeans and scrunchies.
Also, this article about Naomi being a good role model is kind of funny.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/reasons-nomi-malone-is-actually-a-great-role-model#.bppYQeZ9B
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Well shit. I had to go look up Jessie Spano which lead me to Tiffani Thiessen which lead me to pics of her basically topless.
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That must have been some fun googling!
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I’m not complaining!!
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#capitalh
The only thing I really remember about this movie was Berkeley making whatshisface jizz by grinding on him. I remember I was at a bachelor party a few years ago at a strip club and I asked this stripper if she’d ever had anyone “nut” while she was grinding on him and she said no so I question this movie’s validity.
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Maybe that girl was just not very hot or was a very shitty lapdancer. I also like how you said this movie’s validity – like its a true story! lol hilarious!
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HAHAHAH!!!
#truth
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LOL, yes that comment about the movie’s validity is amazing. Like dam Hollywood, why don’t you understand how to accurately portray stripping?
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HAHAHAHA!!! For real!!! A lap dance is only good if the stripper is crying!
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That’s good small-talk.
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LOL
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Well that’s a hell of a story Eric.
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LOL : )
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What a question though.
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Or maybe she just wasn’t very good at her job??
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Oh Reut. I can not deny your great thoughts on this movie, and yet I do find it slightly odd that it has achieved such cult status so I will rewatch it ever so often just to see if Im missing anything. I do find the way it tries to be sexy extremely funny. Great Post
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Sweet, “Showgirls” is a masterpiece compared to the last film you wrote about, “Boyhood”!!! LOL. At least there was a PLOT in Showgirls! *And Elizabeth Berkley is a more talented actor than the star of Boyhood, too. lol.
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How awesome of you to remember my Boyhood post!!! You made my day!!! I agree with you, Showgirls does have a plot, a shitty one, but there’s a plot! Beating Boyhood is a little bit impossible, as it was and still is, FUCKING BORING! Thank you so much for a great comment ;-))))
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Abbi’s “Eat, Pray Love” submission from two installments ago – and your “Boyhood” from the last installment are two of my favorite submissions since Isaacs started this thing in 2013. I paid homage in my “Binge of Rage” submission this time around; if you haven’t read it yet you should. I think you’d like it. 🙂
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I did and commented as well!! Awesome post and very cute kitties indeed! Thank you so much! I’m really happy you liked it!! 😉
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Perfect, perfect, PERFECT review!!! I think this is one of the worst movies ever made! It doesn’t even have any unintentional humor to help save it. 😦
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Thank you so much!! I couldn’t agree more!
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Ha! Great review! I hate the absolute fuck out of this movie. 🙂
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Oh really???
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REALLY!!!
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Jump Back!!
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Get the fuck out of town!!
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Here’s to a fast dollar!
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I’d buy that for a dollar!
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I’d like to put my balls in it!
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You’d put your balls in anything!
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You would!!
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I don’t have any balls!
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British lies!!
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Great review! I tried watching Showgirls once on cable, but I quickly lost interest and switched over to the Weather Channel.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!
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I have always felt I should watch this, just to know what everyone’s talking about, but I could never bring myself to do it!
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There’s always the next Shitfest…..
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Ha! I’ll save you the trouble, Jay! It sucks!
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Hahaha! So awkward her sex scenes look like she’s having a seizure! Love it! And yes, this movie is horrible!
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A seizure!!! HAHAHAH!!!!!!
#satanicbestiesforever
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Hahaha wasn’t that line awesome!!
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YES!!
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It was!! I laughed so hard!
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Me too! And I’m epileptic which made it seem even funnier!!
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LOVE this Reut!!!!!!!!!! For the second Shitfest running I can honestly say I hope you win 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Thank you, Sweet Girl! You know I always cross my fingers for yours to win! You just have such an awesome way of writing reviews and I could totally here your British accent when reading your posts! GREAT!!!
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Hahahaha great post!! I loved this one the most – “her sex scenes are so damn awkward she looks like she’s having a seizure”. HAHA!! Perhaps being epileptic myself makes it even funnier!!
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I love this line too. Think I related to it the most. I could erase the entire review and just leave that line, and that would totally sum up my Shitfest entry. Thank you!!!
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That line had me in stitches.
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Haha! I want to watch that hilarious scene again!
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The sex scene in this is so awkwardly hilarious that I can’t help but laugh every time. This is such a shit film though. Nice work Reut!
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Hmmmm, you disliked this, did you say? xD
Great work Reut!
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I have never seen this but now I’m intrugued for all the wrong reasons.
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Ive avoided this one like the clap for 20 years and I’m actually glad I did based on this review Reut!
כל הכבוד לך!!!!
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Now you’re talking.
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