Shitfest 2015 ~ Summer: It Follows (2014)
Shit Swallows (2014)
It Follows (2014)
BRAD: I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t hate it. It had great atmosphere and camera work. And I had a love/hate relationship with the score but at times it really worked and there were times when there was no score which was great for added tension.
BRIAN: I thought the score was ok. It was like a combo of Halloween, Dune, and Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I appreciated the vibe he was going for, but there were times it was used and it didn’t fit at all. Like when they were setting up the pool thing, it was more of a score that should have been used when they were being chased by It, not when they were plugging in toasters for what felt like 20 minutes. At least the pool was apparently located in an abandoned mental asylum.
BRAD: The score was bad combo of either grating and too light and ethereal. Like if Wendy Carlos and Tangerine Dream had a baby who was born with missing fingers and still struggling to play keyboards. But like I said, sometimes it created great tension when it wasn’t making me want to commit murder.
I hated all the characters though and there was like zero development for any of them. They all had no charisma, looks, or personality. I couldn’t stand that mopey friend-zone idiot who happens to only watch ’50s schlock.
BRIAN: Right? You just wanted everyone to die. Was there any point at all to the girl with the glasses and the clam reader? Did she do anything the sister couldn’t have done? I don’t think it’s possible to like a movie without liking anyone in it, but that’s just me. Unfortunately, there’s only one onscreen death, and that’s just gooey incest.
BRAD: I think I got the ending but I’m not entirely sure. Since they are a “couple” does that mean the IT can’t follow them? Are they in love hence the curse is vanquished? Or are they both now an IT or something? If they are dead then how and when did they die? In the pool?
BRIAN: I thought they were just walking down the street and the person behind them may or may not have been It, even though the person behind them was wearing normal clothes and not the white pajamas It always wore. And then the movie just sort of ends.
BRAD: Speaking of the pool scene, it was terrible. Why did these 18-year-olds think that killing a ghost-like entity with electrocuting it in a pool was a good idea? They happened to shoot it a few times at the beach earlier in the film and that didn’t work. The only thing interesting about the pool scene was I think (and I could be wrong) was that the IT was her dead dad because in a scene later we see a photo of her family and I think the dad looked like the pool IT. Which is a good twist because earlier the tough guy across the street’s mom was also an IT so that implies that most people in that suburb have been fucking around and passing the curse around. But this was a great cinematic metaphor for STDs. Ham-handed for our ages but great for teens I suppose.
BRIAN: The pool scene was just fucking unbelievably stupid. But on the other hand, they’re dumb teenagers so this is the kind of plan I would expect dumb teenagers to come up with. Maybe the bitch could have swam to the other corner of the pool when It was throwing shit at her? Why did It even do that? Why not just go get her? And It allowed the sister to throw a sheet over It? I loved when Glasses got shot in the leg though. I was hoping someone would catch a bullet in the head, but no dice.
I don’t think It taking on the form of the parents means they had the curse too, just that It could take on whatever form It wanted. Like at the beach shed It took on the form of the peeping boy from earlier, and he was like 12, so I doubt he fucked anyone to get the curse, unless the director is sicker than I thought.
BRAD: I thought there was a reason they went to that particular pool too but turns out they just knew of it. Another thing about that stupid pool scene (besides all the points you brought up like the towel/sheet) was I really thought the incoming thunderstorm was going to foil their electrocution plan with them long power. But that’s me thinking of different/better scenarios than the filmmakers again. And I’m no science whiz by any stretch but the whole throwing a radio into water and killing someone trope is really a falsehood right? Like it would hurt someone badly but the small electric device would short out before killing someone. So boo on the idiot teens who thought of this plan but also on the other hand shame on the filmmakers who didn’t even use the cliché correctly. Why didn’t it work? Jay didn’t get one electric shock from the devices in the water? They never really explained why it didn’t work. So much head-scratching for that scene. And that geek girl got shot but there were no consequences to the teens having a gun and accidentally shooting her? What did they tell the police? And why wasn’t shy-boy arrested or detained? Dumb.
BRIAN: The appliance in water thing is true, but applied to a huge area like a pool might diminish the effect a bit. Still, they didn’t even know if the electricity would have any effect at all on It.
And you’re 100% right, there’s no way they can lie about the bullet in the leg. The twink would definitely be in big trouble with the law.
BRAD: Was she even an accomplished swimmer? They never really mentioned that. Sure she liked to swim by herself in the smallest above-ground pool in her yard but that doesn’t imply she’s great at it to use as bait for a naked ghost.
BRIAN: Well she was the only one who could be used as bait because she was the only one It was after. And how long was she in that pool? A couple hours?
BRAD: I know she was the only choice of bait but I was wondering why in the pool? The shy kid who looked like a sad Justin Long looked at a picture of her when she was in a pool and suddenly he had the great indoor pool idea. Just wondering why he thought that idea was good. What can kill a ghostly entity? Electric shocks! Moron! They could’ve thought of silver bullets, garlic, salt, holy water or any other clichéd form of supernatural deterrent before bringing over 4 dozen electrical devices into an abandoned pool.
And another thing, if that pool was abandoned wouldn’t the water be disgusting? It was very well maintained swimming water for an abandoned public pool.
BRIAN: And why did she have to be in it the whole time? She could’ve just jumped in when It showed up.
I literally said to my wife, “The water in that abandoned pool looks pretty clean and clear.” The director really half-baked most of his ideas.
BRAD: Were you just as confused at the blood filling up the pool? Why does the slut ghost even have blood? But then the scene ends and sad shy boy gets his wish and sleeps awkwardly with Jay. And then we’re left with that ambiguous ending.
BRIAN: It got shot in the head (again) so It turned into a giant pool (literally) of blood and let everyone get away. Then It regrouped later.
BRAD: But what was the point of showing the pool fill up with all that blood and an abrupt cut to a sex scene?
And again, why is this slut ghost being harmed by bullets anyway? I can maybe see it being affected by other humans, like the sheet over its head, but why is it playing dead by a bullet. It makes no Crom-damned sense! And especially why are these idiot kids shooting it when Jay got one in the head at the beach and it didn’t kill it. Shouldn’t she have told them “Hey, bullets don’t do jack shit. I shot one in the skull and all it did was slow it down a little.”
BRIAN: It apparently wasn’t a ghost as much as It was an invisible, shape-shifting zombie, I guess? Again, there’s no consistent logic. Things happened regardless of what information was gleaned previously.
BRAD: I wish there was a scene of them trying to find a solution to this curse like in a mystery. Obviously, there’s a progressive chain of people that are still alive who’ve passed it on so if only they attempted to solve the curse instead of weakly kill it or trap it. Or tried other solutions or theories like gay sex or anal. Would that slow the curse down or enhance it? These are questions I would’ve asked.
BRIAN: I really didn’t get why they didn’t try to figure out what was going on. Like they visited the first guy, and he said he got it from a girl (I assume the girl at the beginning?) and they said something like, “Then maybe she’s the source,” and that’s as far as that went. The guy told them to piss off and then they went to the beach, then enacted their grand pool electrocution plan. Fucking nimrods.
BRAD: And what was really up with the ghosts? Why were they so inconsistent? I get them being slow and lumbering but why wasn’t it continuous? Were they literally walking from point A to point B? If they can change form why can’t they move a little bit faster or take public transportation? Like it basically let her sleep a few nights before getting to her and she was in her own home. What was it doing this whole time?
And I forgot the idea that they can change forms which in my opinion is weak. Then why didn’t it ever take on the form of any of her friends who were protecting her? And my idea of seeing the past infidelity parents like her dad is a pretty good twist. Not only did Jay get cursed but her dad suffered the same fate and it cost him his life and others in the neighborhood because they are all cheating dogs.
BRIAN: Why wouldn’t It stay in the body of the big athletic guy so he could walk faster? Can It take the form of a cheetah? I was hysterical when they showed the naked guy on the roof. Probably not the filmmaker’s intention. Why was It naked, and why and how on the roof?
Your idea about the parents being cursed too is again a much better idea than the actual events of the film.
BRAD: Speaking of cheetahs. What if Jay fucked a huge silver-back gorilla? Those slut ghosts wouldn’t stand a chance of killing that wild animal. Or better yet, she should fuck a very recent corpse. That would probably fuck up the line of curses a bit right? How would the slut ghosts kill something that is already dead?
The naked guy on the roof was hysterical. Did the director think that would be scary? Why would the slow, lumbering ghost even be up there? It’s bound by gravity and laws of physics (doors stop it anyway) so did it climb a ladder to the roof? It had to have because it can’t fly. Maybe that was one place Jay should’ve stayed—on her roof. She has the best vantage point and seemingly the ghosts can’t fly up there so she should’ve been safer up there then say a playground at night or the roof of her car sleeping by the lake. The ghosts were very polite in that they really did let her sleep.
BRIAN: There was zero logic to what It did. It could have laid down in the back of her car and waited for her dumb ass to get in.
That gorilla idea is absolutely brilliant. And she probably would have done it.
BRAD: I know the slut ghost can turn into any form but why did it turn into the kid Greg as it walked to his house and broke in and then turned into his mom? Was it only appearing as Greg because it somehow knew Jay was watching? I was very confused by that scene because it was Greg coming to kill Greg. What an odd choice right?
BRIAN: That kid’s name was Greg? I’m 100% with you on that, I thought at first he was sleepwalking or something. It made no sense. And what was the point of being his mom when he couldn’t see her through the door? And was it his mom because that was much creepier when It fucked him to death?
BRAD: And not to nitpick too much but when his mom rape-kills him she still has her panties on. So she basically dry humps him to death.
BRIAN: It should’ve turned into Big John Studd and banged Greg to death that way. What would have happened if It caught Jay when It was a female? Death scissoring?
BRAD: Death Scissoring sounds like an awesome band name.
BRIAN: And a much better name for this movie.
BRAD: And if past cursed people can see these ghosts then wouldn’t more people be paranoid and frightened and alarming people in the town? I really don’t see the point in having previously cursed people still have the ability to see the Slut Ghosts.
I’m assuming that Jay fucked those three guys on the boat to get the curse off her but within a day the ghost was back at her. So did those fellas get killed that fast?
BRIAN: Jay getting a train (boat?) pulled on her was pretty fucked up, really. The movie should have ended with her fucking everything that moved.
What happens when It kills Jay, then kills the original guy, then kills whoever down the line? Where does it end? Does It get to go to heaven then?
BRAD: And why at the beach did the slut ghost who attacked Jay simply pick up her hair in the air? It’s like the VFX people cut a corner with an easily made effect. Instead, the ghost should’ve pulled her hair down to begin raping her to death. Slut Ghost is sloppy at killing.
BRIAN: The beach scene was so dumb. Why wouldn’t her back be to the water? Oh right, because everyone is stupid. Then It plays with her hair instead of jumping on her like it did Greg. There was no consistency at all with that slut ghost.
BRAD: And did you find it easily convenient that Jay’s boyfriend left a photo of himself in the porno magazine? And even easier was random kids going to his school and having a school secretary giving these random kids personal information in a post-9/11 world.
BRIAN: Yeah I’m pretty sure you can’t just waltz into a high school and ask for the home address of a student. But to contradict your point, I always bookmark my porn pages with photos of myself. You don’t? And I’m also always in the mood to read porno mags and jerk off when there’s a killer entity stalking me.
Another thing, if It can toss appliances, why can’t It use a gun or a stick of dynamite to incapacitate Its victim? It could have used one of those bean bag riot guns when It got fairly close to Jay.
BRAD: I failed to mention before that if that pool was abandoned despite what the water condition was, that place should’ve been crawling with squatters, hobos and a ton of dead animals.
Great point about the slut ghost using physical objects. It can throw objects through windows and even break wood with its bare hands but can’t pick up a knife or other dangerous weapon. And if it could break wood with its bare hands why didn’t it try to punch a hole through Jay’s skull on the beach? I guess it just wanted to play with her hair. Maybe the intelligence of the Slut Ghost changes with whatever persona it takes on. So maybe the girl form at the beach was a complete idiot.
BRIAN: It was hard to tell if it was supposed to be abandoned, or if it was just in a really bad area, and that’s why all these middle-class white kids don’t live there anymore? Couldn’t they have just done that whole plan in her small pool at home?
I’m thinking It: The Slut Ghost was just as dumb as the teens it was after. The only time It displayed any intelligence at all was when It didn’t fall for the pool thing, but then It let the sister throw a sheet over It’s head. Ponderous.
BRAD: They made it a point that her pool somehow for some reason was wrecked and would have to be fixed and refilled. I didn’t get a good look at how it was damaged but was it just dumb luck or did the Slut Ghost destroy it out of petty spite?
BRIAN: Maybe it broke when she fucked the peeping neighbor boy.
BRAD: Did she fuck the peeping tom kid? Did I miss that?! I’m assuming you are joking.
BRIAN: I am joking, but it wouldn’t surprise me.
BRAD: Were you a little bewildered at why it took the form of that really old lady in a hospital gown?
BRIAN: Because that old lady looked creepy. If It took on the form of Amy Adams It wouldn’t have been very creepy. But It did take on the form of her dad, who had no backstory at all so we didn’t know the nature of his relationship with Jay so that fell completely flat. As horrible as it is, maybe if it was known that it was implied he used to sexually assault her it would have added a lot more weight not only to the sight of his form but to Jay having to constantly have sex to try to push away her demon. Then the movie would have had substance, and a reason to care an iota about Jay. Then having sex with Hugh earlier would have been a huge deal for her, making the consequences of the curse brought on due to having sex much harder for her to handle mentally.
BRAD: Getting back to the pool scene, I questioned earlier if she was an accomplished swimmer and I suppose she is since the filmmakers decided to have a final confrontation in an Olympic-sized pool. But it really amounted to jack shit. A better idea would be if it was somehow written that her deft skills in the water somehow gave her the edge over the slut ghost to defeat it. Like she drowned it or something. Would’ve made a better ending in my opinion. Like she had to use her skills and talents to triumph over It. I realize that they left it open for sequels but since when did the seemingly demise of the villain ever stop a horror franchise from continuing?
BRIAN: Yeah you’re right again, then her having a skill like that would give her a personality trait, and maybe shown that she was more than just a teenage bonehead. The director really should have called us first.
BRAD: Great idea about the sexual backstory about the dad and Jay. Would’ve really been a great addition to the twist but then again it taking on any form diminished that as well. But you’re right, they should’ve called us first. We already wrote a better ending to this weak horror flick.
I was also scratching my head at the scene when the ball hit her window when she was looking at herself while she was wearing her dad’s old tightie-whities. It wasn’t just the lice on my head either. A ball hits her window and she looks out and we just see a ball from her view. A moment later we discover that peeping Tom kid was at the window looking at her. So what’s with the ball? I’m assuming it was actually the real kid and not a form by the Slut Ghost. Did he throw the ball first and then climb her house to peep? Or did another kid try to hit the peeper with the ball? It’s scenes like these that illicit an unnecessary jump scare that then make very little sense.
BRIAN: The ball thing happened because the movie needed some jump scares, because the slowly walking nature of the Slut Ghost doesn’t enable it to jump out at anyone. But yeah, who threw the ball?
BRAD: Also, why did Hugh have to chloroform Jay and bound her half-naked to a chair? Not only did it creep her the fuck out ten times worse but was way too aggressive and date rapey. I suppose it would be harder to believe if he just simply explained to her the curse but then again a naked slut ghost trying to kill her might have done the trick as well if she failed to believe his crazy story. It’s bad enough he went through crazy lengths to date a girl a couple of times with a false identity to lure her with sex (why didn’t he just fuck a call girl?) but then he assaults her and bounds her to a chair. What a dick. And then she’s still OK with Hugh when she and her friends are sharing juice boxes on his lawn. Was that not an awkward scene or what? I guess he could’ve not told her anything either but then again he needed to otherwise she’d die quick and the Slut Ghost would be back at after him.
BRIAN: Yeah Hugh could have just banged a hooker while wearing a ski mask, then explained the whole thing to her, while still wearing the mask. OR, flew to fucking China, bang a hundred prostitutes, then flew back. If they each banged 10 more guys, he would have had one hell of a buffer before It came back for him. It’s like a paranormal sex pyramid scheme.
BRAD: I guess if anyone had any brains in this picture they would try to pass the curse to someone with survival skills up the ass.
BRIAN: Yeah Jay should’ve had sex with Bear Grylls and/or Les Stroud.
BRAD: Or Ric Flair!
YES! Someone should’ve went to the far reaches of the Earth to fuck someone. Like Australia or the North Pole! I guess the best way to stop the Slut ghost is to fuck someone in a huge steel cargo box and make sure the ghost goes in there and lock the slut ghost with the fucked person in there. The ghost would kill the person and have nowhere to go!
OR! Fuck in space and leave the newly cursed person in outer space! Whether the slut ghost goes up to space to kill that person is irrelevant because how would it even work that out?!
BRIAN: Like Jay could have gangbanged a bunch of Sherpas on Mt. Everest. That space idea is brilliant, but may be logistically difficult. Jay could just fuck Buzz Aldrin, who the ghost wouldn’t dare mess with.
BRAD: Like why didn’t the kids try to hide in a church? I’m not saying that would work but that’s at least a step in a better direction than electrocuting it in a pool or shooting it with a gun. Maybe it won’t follow them into hallowed ground. I know that’s not a solution but it would at least give them better theories to solve than run away. When people usually think ghosts or supernatural entities they usually think religious solutions like crosses or holy water. Not these kids though. Toasters in the pool.
BRIAN: Nope, no other solution, no attempt at understanding what’s going on and trying to find a means of stopping it, just whoring around and electrocutions.
BRAD: I know isn’t an easy question to answer but how would the first person ever cursed know what to do next? Hugh had enough information about the slut ghost to pass along to Jay. Did the woman he slept with to get cursed give him this info as well? I can understand that it’s somewhat easy to figure out the slut ghost will always be slow and take on different forms but how does someone know that fucking someone else will pass along the curse? And how would they know that if that next person is killed that it goes back to the previous cursed person? Unless you read that that particular person is killed then one would just assume that fucking someone wouldn’t work right? If they know this much information it’s assumed this has been passed along a very long time. And in that span of time (probably decades or more) no one figured out how to defeat it or fight it easier.
BRIAN: But how would the first person even be cursed? What happened there? Maybe the original It was a vengeful ghost who was cheated on and murdered so It murdered whoever It’s former lover slept with. Or is that too interesting of a backstory for this movie? But yeah, why wouldn’t whoever originated the curse just be killed by It, and that was it? Who figured the whole slut ghost thing out, and how did they live through it? Because in order for It to continue, someone in the cursed line would have to survive. What happens when that original cursed person dies of old age? Or was Hugh the originator of the curse, somehow?
I’m starting to get the feeling that the director made this as a Christian anti-sex film.
BRAD: I’m sure some whore started it.
Seeing in how poorly the sex scenes were filmed I wouldn’t doubt it’s a Christian anti-sex film.
Granted it had a ton of flaws but I liked it way better than House of the Devil or any of the craptastic mumblecore horror movies of late. The little nuances and details made the movie good and it might be worth rewatching to pick up on those again but it does drag a lot and the characters are terrible.
BRIAN: Yeah although I didn’t like it I’d watch it 10 more times before I watched You’re Next again. Halfway through watching it I looked up to see if it was directed by Ti West, in a bad way.