Isaacs Picture Conclusions

ATM (2012) TWO TOP HATS

I put off renting this movie for a few weeks since I saw it pop up on iTunes because, honestly, I didn’t want to spend the “pre-theatrical release” rental fee for a movie about three people trapped in an enclosed ATM kiosk with someone out there silently threatening to kill them. I thought the trailer looked decent enough but I just didn’t feel like justifying the dough for a movie about three people trapped in an ATM structure. With some potential bad news from work looming, I left early the other day and subsequently discovered that I had nothing to do and it turned out this was available on the PPV menu of the cable provider so I gave it a look. Since I am all about honesty here at this public service, I have to admit that I thought this was going pretty good for a movie about three people trapped in an ATM structure, until it got pretty fucking stupid. I hate to be so harsh there but – really? Come on. I can’t post this to the public without there being spoilers in the next paragraphs – my hand is forced. To finish up this one (paragraph) – this movie looks fantastic – whatever camera they used was the real deal – it’s as sharp (or sharper) than most of the things I see broadcast out there. The color and lighting was outstanding, the cast was good looking and I thought I was going to end up with something semi-wicked, like Devil (the movie about some people trapped in an elevator), but this went bad quickly and never got any better – but it looked good, make no mistake. Before I forget – the intro was pretty cool, by the way.

The set up is this: sensitive and caring investment broker (I think is the occupation) David (Brian Geraghty [you might remember him from The Hurt Locker]) loses all of one of his client’s money at Christmas so he’s awful depressed. In the cubicle next to him is his douchebag co-worker / friend Corey (Josh Peck) who reminds him to “Fuck it, who cares, you’ll never see the guy” and to go make the moves on super-hot-leaving-the-company Emily (Alice Eve) before it’s too late. He shyly refrains because, of course, “He left his balls at home under his mattress,” but, in the end, goes ahead and decides to go to the company XMAS party anyway. That night he gives it a pathetic shot but she ends up somehow into him anyway so they agree he’ll give her a lift home with drunk and even more douchey Corey in the backseat  whining about how hungry and drunk he is. He’s so irritating David decides to shut him up by agreeing to swing by a late night pizza joint so he can get a few slices – but first they’ll have to stop by an ATM for some cash…

atm2

At this point it was so far so good, until, in the middle of the freezing night, David parked about 200 feet from the ATM building to “punish” Corey for being a dick. For some reason, his buddy is signaling him to come in so, instead of driving up there, he runs to the structure leaving Emily behind. She sees them arguing so, yep, she too leaves the car and walks through the 15 degree night to see what’s up. Inside they finally get some cash out of the machine (incorporating grainy ATM security camera shots), turn around to leave and an enormous man in a parka is standing there ominously, staring into the building. Sure enough they’re frightened (and David left his balls at home) and they don’t know what to do or what this person wants – until the guy in the parka kills a man who was walking his dog through the frozen parking lot at 3:00 in the morning.

Now they’re all totally freaked and still don’t know what to do and start blaming each other for their predicament (sigh) and a security guard shows up and he is bludgeoned with a tire iron and the parka guy is sitting in a lawn chair in front of the booth watching them. Here come the big spoilers: before too long Corey makes a run for it and – of course – the killer has set up a wire at head’s length across the parking lot so he runs into it, falls down and gets a screwdriver to the stomach.  Soon enough after that, the unknown man has pushed David’s car up against the door so they can’t get out – important to note – he “can” push the door open a little, but not enough to fit through. That’s important to note because, yes, soon enough the guy in the parka is pumping hundreds of gallons of freezing water into the building (using what appeared to be a common water hose) in order to “freeze them to death”.  Even though he can open the door a little… oh well. As it fills up very, very quickly, I don’t remember why, but they (David and Emily) decide to turn on the fire extinguisher water system up above. They rip up hundreds of bank account slips, stick them a metal wastebasket, light them on fire and she gets on David’s shoulder – holding the burning, metal trashcan in her bare hands – and sets off the sprinkler system. YAY! They’re saved! Oops, she falls off his shoulders and hits her head on a counter and dies.

Now he’s totally had enough, so he shoves some water-soaked-through rag of clothing into Corey’s tequila bottle, goes outside, somehow lights it on fire and throws the Molotov cocktail at that fucking bastard sitting there in the chair watching all of this unfold! Well shit – turns out it’s actually the body of that security guard burning up in front of him. Then, just as The Parka is about to get David once and for all – the cops show up and the day is saved! Man, this just isn’t his night as the villain is nowhere to be found and David is arrested for all of these crimes and hauled off to prison. After all of that unbelievable bullshit, we then get an over-the-end-credits display of how this guy in the Parka planned all of that to happen – and apparently he’s done it before. What? Go away ATM.

62 comments

    • theipc

      My sweet Kidney G –

      It’s the lamest, I promise! I had a dream last night that we were talking on the phone but I don’t remember what my dream brain had you sounding like…. : (

      Love,

      Sugar Pappy Giuseppe

      Like

  1. Interesting that the guy was trying to freeze them to death, especially since, in the picture, he sure looks a lot like Captain Cold, a DC comic book villain who uses a freeze ray on his enemies. (I’m not kidding. Look it up if you don’t know who “Captain Cold” is.)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ll take your word for it. I only have time for one terrible thing a week, and I’m actually planning to go sit through the entirety of the new Fantastic Four movie tomorrow. (I plan to be really drunk during it, so that might help a little.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yeah, this one started off well enough and ended HORRIBLY. Also, do you notice how quickly friends turn on each other in horror movies? I don’t get it. I suppose I’ve never been in a situation where my life was in the balance but I really don’t think I’d look around and be like, “YOU! Best friend! I hate you! You’re a whore and I slept with your boyfriend* and if we die IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!”

    *I’ve never actually slept with my best friend’s boyfriend.

    #missssssyyyooouuuuuuu
    #santanicbestiesforever

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      I have NEVER understood the movie writers who put that into their script. That and “WHO FUCKIN’ PUT YOU IN CHARGE?????” I mean, who really turns on each other like that and who cares who’s in charge as long as we work together to survive.

      #terriblecliches

      I have been held at gunpoint before (I can try and scare up that post if you want) and the last thing I cared about was whose fault it was and who was in charge. My main concerns were 1) not getting shot and 2) not shitting my pants.

      #imissyougreatly
      #satanicbestiesforever

      Liked by 1 person

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