I put off renting this movie for a few weeks since I saw it pop up on iTunes because, honestly, I didn’t want to spend the “pre-theatrical release” rental fee for a movie about three people trapped in an enclosed ATM kiosk with someone out there silently threatening to kill them. I thought the trailer looked decent enough but I just didn’t feel like justifying the dough for a movie about three people trapped in an ATM structure. With some potential bad news from work looming, I left early the other day and subsequently discovered that I had nothing to do and it turned out this was available on the PPV menu of the cable provider so I gave it a look. Since I am all about honesty here at this public service, I have to admit that I thought this was going pretty good for a movie about three people trapped in an ATM structure, until it got pretty fucking stupid. I hate to be so harsh there but – really? Come on. I can’t post this to the public without there being spoilers in the next paragraphs – my hand is forced. To finish up this one (paragraph) – this movie looks fantastic – whatever camera they used was the real deal – it’s as sharp (or sharper) than most of the things I see broadcast out there. The color and lighting was outstanding, the cast was good looking and I thought I was going to end up with something semi-wicked, like Devil (the movie about some people trapped in an elevator), but this went bad quickly and never got any better – but it looked good, make no mistake. Before I forget – the intro was pretty cool, by the way.
The set up is this: sensitive and caring investment broker (I think is the occupation) David (Brian Geraghty [you might remember him from The Hurt Locker]) loses all of one of his client’s money at Christmas so he’s awful depressed. In the cubicle next to him is his douchebag co-worker / friend Corey (Josh Peck) who reminds him to “Fuck it, who cares, you’ll never see the guy” and to go make the moves on super-hot-leaving-the-company Emily (Alice Eve) before it’s too late. He shyly refrains because, of course, “He left his balls at home under his mattress,” but, in the end, goes ahead and decides to go to the company XMAS party anyway. That night he gives it a pathetic shot but she ends up somehow into him anyway so they agree he’ll give her a lift home with drunk and even more douchey Corey in the backseat whining about how hungry and drunk he is. He’s so irritating David decides to shut him up by agreeing to swing by a late night pizza joint so he can get a few slices – but first they’ll have to stop by an ATM for some cash…
At this point it was so far so good, until, in the middle of the freezing night, David parked about 200 feet from the ATM building to “punish” Corey for being a dick. For some reason, his buddy is signaling him to come in so, instead of driving up there, he runs to the structure leaving Emily behind. She sees them arguing so, yep, she too leaves the car and walks through the 15 degree night to see what’s up. Inside they finally get some cash out of the machine (incorporating grainy ATM security camera shots), turn around to leave and an enormous man in a parka is standing there ominously, staring into the building. Sure enough they’re frightened (and David left his balls at home) and they don’t know what to do or what this person wants – until the guy in the parka kills a man who was walking his dog through the frozen parking lot at 3:00 in the morning.
Now they’re all totally freaked and still don’t know what to do and start blaming each other for their predicament (sigh) and a security guard shows up and he is bludgeoned with a tire iron and the parka guy is sitting in a lawn chair in front of the booth watching them. Here come the big spoilers: before too long Corey makes a run for it and – of course – the killer has set up a wire at head’s length across the parking lot so he runs into it, falls down and gets a screwdriver to the stomach. Soon enough after that, the unknown man has pushed David’s car up against the door so they can’t get out – important to note – he “can” push the door open a little, but not enough to fit through. That’s important to note because, yes, soon enough the guy in the parka is pumping hundreds of gallons of freezing water into the building (using what appeared to be a common water hose) in order to “freeze them to death”. Even though he can open the door a little… oh well. As it fills up very, very quickly, I don’t remember why, but they (David and Emily) decide to turn on the fire extinguisher water system up above. They rip up hundreds of bank account slips, stick them a metal wastebasket, light them on fire and she gets on David’s shoulder – holding the burning, metal trashcan in her bare hands – and sets off the sprinkler system. YAY! They’re saved! Oops, she falls off his shoulders and hits her head on a counter and dies.
Now he’s totally had enough, so he shoves some water-soaked-through rag of clothing into Corey’s tequila bottle, goes outside, somehow lights it on fire and throws the Molotov cocktail at that fucking bastard sitting there in the chair watching all of this unfold! Well shit – turns out it’s actually the body of that security guard burning up in front of him. Then, just as The Parka is about to get David once and for all – the cops show up and the day is saved! Man, this just isn’t his night as the villain is nowhere to be found and David is arrested for all of these crimes and hauled off to prison. After all of that unbelievable bullshit, we then get an over-the-end-credits display of how this guy in the Parka planned all of that to happen – and apparently he’s done it before. What? Go away ATM.
Serio
LikeLiked by 1 person
Stupid iPhone! As I was saying – Seriously? This sounds ridiculous. I was almost thinking of watching it because Alice Eve is hot. Maybe not.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This thing was absolutely terrible – and Alice Eve doesn’t even get into her underwear… THANK YOU for reading these!!
LikeLike
The premise indeed does sound ridiculous!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s HORRIBLE!!
Even if Alice Eve got in her undies it wouldn’t save this thing…!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is! It was! I’ve seen this now and can verify that the movie is indeed ridiculous. It totally sucks. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Would you say it’s a cunt?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Whaaaaaaat?! Language, gentleman!!!! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Isn’t that a commonly used word over there?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol. No more common than in America, probably!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bollocks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Doesn’t sound like something that would interest me only Alice Eve.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s terrible – don’t even bother just for her….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Message received.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good call!
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s plenty of other naughty stuff to watch out there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s right –
LikeLiked by 1 person
A bit of porn is good every now and then, wouldn’t you say?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Do you have a particular preference?
LikeLike
Sweet Pappy G
The beginning sounded cool and then just nope.
Love
Kidney
LikeLiked by 1 person
My sweet Kidney G –
It’s the lamest, I promise! I had a dream last night that we were talking on the phone but I don’t remember what my dream brain had you sounding like…. : (
Love,
Sugar Pappy Giuseppe
LikeLike
Yeah, this just wasn’t all that good. Pretty much a waste of time.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Totally!
#truth
LikeLiked by 1 person
Spot on review Eric. This is on my top ten list of worst movies.😕 I think the only reason I tried it was because I loved Josh Peck when he was a kid on Drake and Josh, and I was curious about his acting now that he’s an adult.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I believe it, sweet Kim!!
#sweetkim
Hey! We’re getting rain (and storms) and it’s only supposed to be in the low 70s today!! Reprieve!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yay for you Eric! We’re still in the tropics here.
#loveeric
LikeLiked by 1 person
I saw that on the news this morning… did you ever get your A/C fixed??
#porties
LikeLiked by 1 person
No A/C. 😞 Just our trusty fan. I shouldn’t complain. Our weather hasn’t been nearly as bad as yours.
#hugs
LikeLiked by 1 person
HUGS!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😚😚😚😚
LikeLiked by 1 person
: )))))))))))))))))))))
LikeLike
Interesting that the guy was trying to freeze them to death, especially since, in the picture, he sure looks a lot like Captain Cold, a DC comic book villain who uses a freeze ray on his enemies. (I’m not kidding. Look it up if you don’t know who “Captain Cold” is.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
HA!! Yes – I’m familiar with Captain Cold : )
This movie is a terrible thing….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll take your word for it. I only have time for one terrible thing a week, and I’m actually planning to go sit through the entirety of the new Fantastic Four movie tomorrow. (I plan to be really drunk during it, so that might help a little.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good luck with that. I haven’t seen it but I’ve heard terrible things. Drunk is probably the best way to go.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve not heard one…single…good thing about that movie, but I love endurance contests. (Even the director was trashing it. Not a good sign.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I look forward to your thoughts – I need to go get caught up on your blog….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know Josh from Drake & Josh can’t get good roles but WTH is Alice Eve doing in this?
LikeLiked by 1 person
No kidding!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought this was going to be much better when I saw the trailer. Intriguing premise, but mediocre writing. I was very disappointed, as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep… it pretty much sucked….
LikeLike
No ass-to-mouth in this whatsoever, so I sued the shit out of the studio.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sweet! How did that work out for you??
LikeLike
It’s ongoing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I. Spiderman representing you?
LikeLike
If I can rouse him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmmm…. Spanish Fly maybe?
LikeLike
Oh, awesome! I already commented on this so I don’t have to again. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a WANKER!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love just telling bad films to go away. This sounds shit!
#goawaysies
#atmsies
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s awful!!
#begonesies
#casttheeoutsies
LikeLike
Blimey, even you didn’t like?! Just me then, I guess… http://wp.me/s3sWVR-atm
LikeLiked by 1 person
My Dear fn,
I remember when we bonded over that one too : )
Yours Truly,
ei
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, this one started off well enough and ended HORRIBLY. Also, do you notice how quickly friends turn on each other in horror movies? I don’t get it. I suppose I’ve never been in a situation where my life was in the balance but I really don’t think I’d look around and be like, “YOU! Best friend! I hate you! You’re a whore and I slept with your boyfriend* and if we die IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!”
*I’ve never actually slept with my best friend’s boyfriend.
#missssssyyyooouuuuuuu
#santanicbestiesforever
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have NEVER understood the movie writers who put that into their script. That and “WHO FUCKIN’ PUT YOU IN CHARGE?????” I mean, who really turns on each other like that and who cares who’s in charge as long as we work together to survive.
#terriblecliches
I have been held at gunpoint before (I can try and scare up that post if you want) and the last thing I cared about was whose fault it was and who was in charge. My main concerns were 1) not getting shot and 2) not shitting my pants.
#imissyougreatly
#satanicbestiesforever
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my god! That’s so scary. Those would be my main concerns too. Especially not pooping myself. I can almost guarantee I would pee myself but I hope I wouldn’t shit my pants.
But you’re right, if you’re with another person in a desperate situation, you work together! Not even because you like that person but because your survival instincts kick in and working together gives you the best chances of survival. #science
I would like to read that post it’s easily accessible.
#donteverdie
#satanicbestiesforever
#creepsiesforever
#sataniclampalways
#yesbroccoli
LikeLiked by 1 person
WOW – Look at this oldie from early 2013…
https://isaacspictureconclusions.com/2013/03/13/reign-of-fire-2002-fo/
HAHAHA!!!
#satanicbestiesforever
#thebestdeadbody
#nooatmeal
#crepescrepescrepes
#nosnakes
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! That’s actually crazy, it puts things in perspective though. Also, I agree, definitely not cool. I hate it when people say they wish they could be in those kinds of situations because it must have been so exhilarating… it’s not… it’s terrifying! Not that I’ve ever been in a situation like that, but I can imagine.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There is NOTHING fun about standing there with a gun pointed at you…. nothing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I believe it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
#dontdoit
LikeLiked by 1 person