This sure was strange…. and unintentionally funny…. and weird…. and I don’t really know what went on in this after all of this was over with. I actually don’t really even know what this is called. The DVD pack this came in lists this as Kiss Me Kill Me but looking that up on IMDB brought me to something called Baby Yaga, Devil Witch with a handful of reviewers referring to is as Baba Yaga, Devil Witch but then the posters I could find simply have it listed as just Baba Yaga – so go figure… this is also an early 70s Italian job but I don’t think this is classified as a “Giallo” but I think I have made it clear that I never really have any idea what’s going on, so that should explain that. The quality of the DVD I watched was pitiful, to say the least, and the music was awful in that late 60s way of bad sounding screeches and twangs and I couldn’t really get into the Austin Powers-y fashion and there sure was a lot of sociological commentary that I could have done without. As an example of some oddness – at one point the lead Valentina (Isabelle De Funès) is supposedly having The Sex with an ugly fellow named Arno (George Eastman) so they decide to display it as a bunch of frames of black and white photographs that look like prison thumb prints. Oh well, I’ve certainly seen much worse…
Apparently this thing is based off of some old Italian soft porn comic book and it involves a waifish photographer, a cursed camera, a lesbian witch, an S&M doll named Anette, a bottomless pit in the middle of a house, platform shoes and strange nightmares involving the German SS and Jesus in boxing gloves. Oh yeah – there’s even a Benny Hill style chase scene 😐 If you’re interested, this is how it goes: Valentina is a bob haired cutey who leaves a party one night and runs across (wait for it) a dog surrounded by candles in the middle of the street. A car comes screeching up the road, sure to run the poor animal over and she saves it like the good Samaritan she is! YAY! The car squeals to a stop and out comes Carroll Baker, dressed in black with a huge black hat, announces they were destined to meet, says that her name is Baba Yaga, runs her hand up Valentina’s leg and steals some sort of clip that I think was holding up her hose.
True to her word, Yaga shows up the next morning at her house, returns it, then puts a curse on her camera so it actually shoots people with some sort of mystical invisible bullet so Valentina goes over to Baba’s house to ask her about it. Well, Baba Yaga’s feeling lazy that morning so she tells Valentina to go take pictures around her house and up in the attic she finds the fetish doll so naturally she does what everyone else would do and lays down on an old wrought iron bed frame and er – um – romances herself to the tune of more grainy B&W photos. With that finished up Yaga gives her the doll “for protection” and she leaves and kills a few people with her camera and the doll comes to life in the form of hot-stuff Ely Galleani, who stabs a model with a pin and steals off with her cursed camera.
The next morning, everyone’s favorite witch calls Valentina up and says that if she ever wants to see her fucking camera alive again she’ll come to her house right now and not bring along that meddling asshole boyfriend of hers (or something). Of course she goes and she is sent upstairs where she is chained up and stripped and then gets a good whipping by the doll-person Annette while Baba looks on and bites on her own finger. Lucky for her (and me) she left a note for Arno telling him what’s up YO, so he braves the lightning filled rain storm to bust into Lady Gaga’s house and just as he is about to be stabbed (I think) by Annette, Valentina screams and he hits A. with a log so she breaks into a thousand pieces because she was a doll again and then V. charges B.Y. with a knife and B.Y. falls into that bottomless pit in her floor. Oh shit! the cops bust in with some old lady in tow! She says no one’s lived in this house for years!! One of the cops jumps in the pit!! It’s just a hole in the floor to the basement!! WTF?
Well, this thing came into my possession via a four dollar, four movie DVD package I found at Best Buy called “BLOOD BATH”. I have no idea why this was included in this since there was no blood whatsoever but – if you’re not in the mood for this: there’s a lot of bare chestedness in it, female style, but no one takes a bath. SO: no blood and no baths but here we are and I suppose it was worth one dollar and, I suppose, if anyone ever asks I can say I’ve seen a movie called “Baba Yaga” (or something).
That should do it for our first ever Devil Week!! I thought this went great – what about you??